Feeling really insecure

[sarahlouise22]

Ive just started seeing someone... and i am feeling really insecure.... and paranoid hes going to change his mind about me or find someone else he likes more. its getting me to the point of tears.. and i feel silly for crying as ive not been seeing him long.. but hes so sweet with me.. ive never had that.. purley because ive not had a proper relationship before or any successful potential ones... theyve always gone wrong...because they have either messed me about or ive pushed them away or ruined it before anything proper can begin. I really dont know what to do =(

[agsiul]

Tough one.... I'm not in a relationship for lots of reasons so it will be a bit funny for you that I am asking you these questions. Why would he change his mind? He likes you or he wouldn't have asked you out. If he sees that you are feeling insecure or paranoid you could scare him off. You've said that you pushed them away or ruined it before anything proper can begin. That is something I do ....I assume that it is going to turn bad and then it does because I've sabotaged it myself. Then I say to myself....you see I knew it wouldn't work out. I'd say the best thing to do is go with the flow. Look at what you bring to the relationship yourself and put your faith in Fate and it will take the presure off you. If it is meant to be it will be but do your best not to sabotage it yourself to prove yourself right if you get what I mean. HOpe I haven't made things worse for you.

[Vier]

I think it's understandable to feel this way when starting something new. I tend to analyse and over think a lot of things. If you can calm yourself down maybe concentrate on breathing slowly and focusing on breath that may help. I think it helps when you are reassured from the person that things will be okay that helps too. I think you should maybe talk about how you feel to him if you haven't already. I think talking to him will help you feel less insecure. How he listens to you ,if you talk to him about this and responds to you will speak volumes about him and the relationship.

[sarahlouise22]

He says that i have got him and i will never lose him, and that hes happy and if ever hes not happy he will tell me. I have explained how i am..and i think he know im a person who worries alot and stresses at little things. i am trying really hard not to worry so much...its just little things in my mind make me think that for some reason hes going off me.. i really dont want to lose him before the relationship has properly begun if that makes sense.

[agsiul]

I've been there and done what you've said. I've also been at the other end where I've the other person has constantly looked for reasurance. you need to look inside yourself for the strength to enjoy this relationship. As you have said it has only just started. Do not keep going to him looking for reasurance because he will run like the wind. I didn't realise how annoying it was until I was at the other end of it. Just enjoy it and remember what's for you won't pass by you.

[sarahlouise22]

Well thought it was going really well.. but last night it all came out... he says im controlling because i mentioned about him finding a job as hes currently not working and that if he doesnt do what i say he gets upset( but im sorry he arranged to meet me on several occasions.. i then look forward to seeing him and expect to meet him tomorrow.. then the next day he changed his mind.. and i was upset by it and felt let down..im the least controlling person ever.. would never control anyone ive seen what it does to people ive seen it with my dad towards my mum and wouldnt ever want to be like that) i accidently told him i loved him one night and it was just a honest slip of the tongue.. i dont love him.. i dont know him well enough yet.. but he was weirderd out anyway. and was going on about 50/50 in relationship which i mentioned... i dont know if i should broadcast this.. but he got intimate with me (not sex) and i didnt really want it.. but didnt say no just cos i didnt want to offend or upset him.. and told him he wasnt doing it right and he said i made him feel like ****.. but the whole point of getting to know each other including sexually is to find out what each other likes and how we like it..then he expected something back but i wasnt really comfortable in doing so... didnt feel ready. all of this seems pathetic as weve only been together for a very short time.

[agsiul]

All sounds very familar....Can I ask if you are working? Was he going to start scabbing off you? If that were the case he could have been using you because he saw that you were insecure and that you were his cash cow. Either way he should get a job. I was presuresed as well into doing things I didn't want to do and then was made feel guilty when I didn't enjoy it. In hind sight. I was doing everything that suited him just to keep him happy and any time I asked him to do anything he'd make a big and dance about it and wouldn't do it....make me feel guilty about asking, give me a hard time and eventually do something that looked like a nice thing but wasn't what I wanted in the first place....I'd fall for it every time but eventually coped on to what was happening. My firends had pointed it out but I kept defending him because I was so delighted to have a bf that i put up with it.

[sarahlouise22]

Ive got ridden of him..... its clear in what he was saying he didnt want to be in a relationship with me.... tbh i think hes too imature and selfish to be in a relationship.. and i carnt be doing with it. im a nice girl and deserve better than someone treating me like dirt =)

[agsiul]

Dead right..good for you....