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Struggling with relationships
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2022 6:32 pm
by MinnieL96
Hello,
I’m 26 years old and always struggled with relationships. I got diagnosed with dyspraxia at 18 and it sort of made everything made sense. I should have gotten a lot of help in school but because I didn’t I think I have found coping mechanisms without even realising. I am such an over-planner of every expect of my life due to it being an issue in the past and I become very emotional when things don’t go to plan. Recently I have been having outbursts and becoming upset often. I have got in a newish relationship and he is very relaxed and easy going. He does not plan at all and this is something I struggle with. If we are meant to see each other that day he will not often give me an exact time and I struggle with this. I also am finding it hard to discuss these without getting upset. Any advice would greatly appreciated.
Re: Struggling with relationships
Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2022 7:23 am
by FrankieSoup
I can relate so much to this - you are absolutely not alone! I say that my ‘face is crying’ when I get upset whilst trying to stay calm because the emotion I’m showing isn’t a reflection of what I want to show. Sometimes, just having the vocabulary to say that my body and my words don’t align is enough, but others not so much.
On those occasions, I find that discussing things in discord whilst we’re in the same room is the best way for me to get to say what I want to say. We can still see each other’s body language, but the act of typing slows things down enough that I can keep up, or reread and go back to things that need referencing. For me, it’s got the additional bonus of being contained in the chat so that if the kids come in, It doesn’t look like ‘arguing’ (which discussions sometimes do if my face cries). We can also take a break if we need to and pick up where we left off. I guess outwardly it might all sound a bit infantile- like I can’t even talk to my partner so do I even grown up. But it works for us - ultimately, I guess that would be my advice to you: experiment and see what fits.
Much solidarity xxx
Re: Struggling with relationships
Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2022 11:55 am
by MinnieL96
FrankieSoup wrote: ↑Tue Aug 23, 2022 7:23 am
I can relate so much to this - you are absolutely not alone! I say that my ‘face is crying’ when I get upset whilst trying to stay calm because the emotion I’m showing isn’t a reflection of what I want to show. Sometimes, just having the vocabulary to say that my body and my words don’t align is enough, but others not so much.
On those occasions, I find that discussing things in discord whilst we’re in the same room is the best way for me to get to say what I want to say. We can still see each other’s body language, but the act of typing slows things down enough that I can keep up, or reread and go back to things that need referencing. For me, it’s got the additional bonus of being contained in the chat so that if the kids come in, It doesn’t look like ‘arguing’ (which discussions sometimes do if my face cries). We can also take a break if we need to and pick up where we left off. I guess outwardly it might all sound a bit infantile- like I can’t even talk to my partner so do I even grown up. But it works for us - ultimately, I guess that would be my advice to you: experiment and see what fits.
Much solidarity xxx
Thank you so much for your advice, I will give it a go. Much appreciated xxxx
Re: Struggling with relationships
Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2022 11:18 am
by henryj12
FrankieSoup wrote: ↑Tue Aug 23, 2022 7:23 am
I can relate so much to this - you are absolutely not alone! I say that my ‘face is crying’ when I get upset whilst trying to stay calm because the emotion I’m showing isn’t a reflection of what I want to show. Sometimes, just having the vocabulary to say that my body and my words don’t align is enough, but others not so much.
On those occasions, I find that discussing things in discord whilst we’re in the same room is the best way for me to get to say what I want to say. We can still see each other’s body language, but the act of typing slows things down enough that I can keep up, or reread and go back to things that need referencing. For me, it’s got the additional bonus of being contained in the chat so that if the kids come in, It doesn’t look like ‘arguing’ (which discussions sometimes do if my face cries). We can also take a break if we need to and pick up where we left off. I guess outwardly it might all sound a bit infantile- like I can’t even talk to my partner so do I even grown up. But it works for us - ultimately, I guess that would be my advice to you: experiment and see what fits.
Much solidarity xxx
Great advice