Think my brother has dispraxia but not sure how to tell him

[Cerik]

Hi guys. I'm new to this so sorry if anything I say sounds a bit ignorant!
I'm wondering how I can tell my brother that I suspect he might be dispraxic and that perhaps he should see somebody. All my life (I'm 40 and he is 42) I've felt that something isn't "quite right" but haven't been able to put his behaviour into any context until recently when I found out about dispraxia.
Basically he has always been a quite "awkward". He is perfectly intelligent, is a qualified accountant, and on the whole functions ok in his day to day life but he holds himself in such a way that makes it difficult for him socially. It's quite hard to explain but he speaks very quickly, stumbles over his words, sometimes pulls weird facial expressions, isn't great at looking people in the eye, gets words stuck in his head and sometimes acts like he is incredibly uncomfortable or nervous. However there are also times where he is totally fine and close friends of mine don't know what I'm talking about when I confide in them. His movement is also sometimes a bit awkward. He slumps quite a lot, rolls his eyes and sometimes over exaggerates gestures. Also, I'm not sure if this is relevant but he is the messiest person I know and wears clothes that are too big for him.
I worry about him a lot as he has only really had one or two friends in his life and I think is sometimes lonely and unhappy. He laughs a lot, and he enjoys company, it's just that it feels like his life is being "held back" a little.
Anyway to wrap things up I'm not sure if I should even broach this subject with him. I worry that it might make things worse if he is happy with the life he leads. I don't want to open a can of worms if you know what I mean!
Would love some advice or general thoughts

[Tom fod]

Hi Cerik

It would definitely be a very difficult thing to broach and would quite likely result in anger, upset and raised voices. I'm not aware of how you get on as brothers and how he sees you so can't really/don't want to propose any specific ideas or options here.

Maybe he is aware of Dyspraxia but just hasn't chosen to mention it. This might be for a variety of reasons.

I appreciate you want him to be happy and get on in his life but you could be seen as being a little too concerned about what is 'wrong' with him and you're maybe judging him as how you think he should be when after all, he is his own person remember.

As far as his 'getting help' or speaking to someone it's a lottery and he might not find any useful help anyway. We all, dyspraxic or otherwise, get on as best we can and find our own way. It's good to have support from friends/family but that help or advice needs to be given in the right way without too much expectation. I believe it really needs to be on his initiative.

Hope this makes sense? Thank you for having the courage to ask advice about it rather than just wading in and blurting out or manipulating without a thought for your brothers feelings.

[loulou]

Hi cerik,

Have you ever looked into Asperger's syndrome? A lot of the social awkwardness you mention would fit with it.

I have aspergers (and possibly dyspraxia) and when I was researching the condition before I was diagnosed I realised a lot of my symptoms my younger brother also had. I did tell him and he got diagnosed soon after I did but whereas I followed it with sessions with specialist Asperger's therapists, researching online and joining forums my brother just ignored it. He refuses to tell anybody, university, employers, friends etc and just acts like it never happened.

I think it's hard having difficulties in life and never knowing why but not everyone's wants a label or to feel "different". If your brother is happy how he is and has never expressed any concerns or looked into why he might be a little odd then maybe you should just except his choice and let sleeping dogs lie (My younger brother gets user if I try to mention anything aspergers related to him). If however your brother thinks something's not right and he's searching for answers then you could simply make some suggestions about dyspraxia/aspergers syndrome and then leave it to him if he wants to follow it up.

Whichever you do it's best to keep in mind neither are treatable conditions and from my experience very little help is available after diagnosis so try not to expect some major improvements from your brother as he's unlikely to get much physical help, although understanding his problems and talking to others with the same can be really helpful.

[Cerik]

Hi Tom and Lou
Thank you both so much for your very considered and helpful responses.
Sorry for not thanking you sooner. I have in fact just said goodbye to my brother who has been visiting me for the last month (we live in different countries) and have put your advice to good use. In other words, I have just "been there" for him and have had a really great time just chatting and hanging out. Thanks to you I didn't talk to him about my concerns, took a step back from myself and realised that he is pretty happy with his life and how he runs it on his terms. If he ever mentions to me that he has concerns and worries then I'll bring up my thoughts (gently) with him but for now I think just letting him get on with life is definitely the best option. If anything it's actually made me take a look at myself and realise I was trying to project what I think is normal and right onto him - but everyone is different and happiness and harmony is the most important thing!
Thanks again guys!
Cerik