judge of character

[shadowgirl021]

I hope this is worded ok, I know what I want to say, its just writing it

ok, I know people who have Dyspraxia can not judge characters as easily/well as non Dyspraxia people, we will believe someone who says something even if they are lying, I mean I certainly can not tell. I feel like I have been betrayed by the people I work with and one person in particular. This said person keeps telling other staff mine and other peoples business and to think I really liked her and trusted her, she lied to me as well when I asked her if she had told anyone about what I told her.

I also found out the people who I work with, some of them wanted to report me as I was not "meeting targets" some of the other staff stopped them (so thankful to who ever they were) but still... to think I organised a celebratory drink to celebrate my year working their, I told staff about my horrible firing and they were so nice.

For the past year and a bit, I have had noting but praise for the people who work their. Now I feel like I have slightly matured and feel so upset,it does not seem a big deal but have been let down. Is this always going to happen? I feel like my judge of character has gone out the window, I can not tell who to trust in any work place. Everyone is so nice to your face, but then they could report you without talking to you. How do you know if you can trust someone? I guess you just have to wait until they let you down.

I have just worked a night shift, so maybe a little dramatic but my point is still there

[AlleyCat]

I don't think this sort of thing is necessarily just to do with having problems judging character, as it's quite common for there to be people in the workplace who like to gossip and bitch about others. However, I do think that people with dyspraxia are more vulnerable to being on the receiving end of this because they have things which make them easy targets- for example, due to the nature of dyspraxia they might be slower to do things than other people or take longer to learn how to do practical things. Also, we can often find ourselves the target of gossip because we don't fit in with the office clique in some way- when I worked in a special school I experienced this, as many of the women who worked there were married with children, but I wasn't. Of course people should be accepted for who they are, regardless of personal circumstances, but unfortunately it doesn't always work out like that.

As far as judging other people's character is concerned, sometimes people with dyspraxia are not that good at working out what others intend, or they may have trouble reading facial expressions. Neither of those things actually applied to me, as I was very quick to work out who was likely to bitch about me, but my problem was then knowing how best to react to the situation. Unfortunately once someone decides they've got it in for you, it can take a very high level of social skill to convince them otherwise, something which people with dyspraxia are unlikely to have.

Another trait which people with dyspraxia have which can cause them to be a target of office nastiness is that they are often very trusting of people. A lot of people with dyspraxia set out wanting to think the best of people- whilst in some circumstances this is commendable, in others it can put us at a disadvantage. In your circumstance it is particularly gutting that you organised something nice for staff at your workplace and they have then gone on to stab you in the back.

[Jim]

There is always going to be a "clique" within any workplace environment. It's important to remember that these people are generally "protected species" as I know to my cost.

If you struggle with social interaction in any way, which is eminently understandable from a generalized (if that's possible) Dyspraxic point of view then you're always likely find yourself either on the fringes of the clique or simply outside it altogether.

Ever since my mid teens, I've found it difficult to "trust" people as it were, although I have always been very accommodating of other people's ways and needs, and often too accommodating because I end up on the back far foot too often. I usually neglect my own needs because I'm too accommodating.

There is only so long anyone can tolerate that and sometimes you need to look after yourself first. It's not being selfish and anyway it's exactly what these cliques do.

The important thing I've found is to not take other people's opinion of you to heart. They can (and will) think what ever they like and there is very little you can do to change that but that doesn't necessarily make their opinion a fact.

At work... what is really important is the job that you do, the results that you achieve and the satisfaction of the customer. Not what some self serving gossipy ratbag colleague thinks of you.

[shadowgirl021]

Thank you for your replies

To AlleyCat: I am really sorry you got judged purely on the fact you were not married or did not have children. That is so judgemental and unbelievable that people would be thinking this is a big concern.

To both: I guess I do realise that it is too good to be true that when someone says "we are like a family, we support you". I do not think I have trouble socialising, I can manage small talk, for example "how are you? Oh your jacket is nice". I just think I do not talk as much as everyone else, and at the right pace if that makes sense. For example, I will try and connect with someone and it takes maybe 6 months or more and someone else comes in much less quieter and more interesting and they are instantly connected. I understand some facial expressions and I know when people are talking about me when I enter a room but I do take things literally, do not know if someone is lying to me and do not maintain eye contact when speaking.

That is true, there will always be a group of people who say things, I know I should not care and though I am writing which indicates I do care, I actually do not care if they want to say stuff like I am a "thick twat" which is what I apparently got called by a previous member of staff but there is no proof for that, its thinking I connected with people and thinking I was actually supported by them when in actual reality a few members of staff were ready to hang me out to dry, when I first started.

Positive thing is, this is only a few work colleagues, but things spread very very quickly.

[Tom fod]

In my experience I think we dyspraxics seem to be above the cliques and 'office/staff room intrigue'. Some might say we're below it because it just goes over our heads. But then you might also say that is because we have our heads down working on the job in hand.

I also think we are better and much less inclined to voice or pass snap judgements about our colleagues. We actually try to be helpful, Learning that some people are forming ill judged opinions and gossiping is depressing and maddening.

Enjoy working with your nice colleagues and maintain an air of professional cooperation/courtesy with the gossips and set an example for them to follow.