Dyspraxic Adults

I am a 25 year old first year student in nuigalway doing Arts.

at the beginning of university when I was shopping in a newsagents, a man appeared from around the corner and seemed like he was trying to get my attention so I went over to see if he was alright which was what started us having a deep nice conversation about the mind and he told me about his mentally unwell uncle. Next his mate Iarla walked into the shop pointing at me like a child who had seen a celebrity or something who said "she is in my class". Iarla 28years old, approached me and his mate explained to me that Iarla was in my first year so I greeted him, he told me about his subject choice, I explained that I wanna make some friends and have a study partner so he gave me his number and his mate said he would call me. That same night I greeted him and he said he was going to get lucky so I responded with a horrible psychological joke made up by me in terms of the techniques which a player uses. The nasty joke was wow how did I get here, such and exchange of intellect, I am going to use my charm to reinforce his behavior to my advantage, oh the joy of manipulation and classical conditioning. I think I went too far. I said it was a joke. Oh dear, I also said enjoy your luck, it may grow cold eventually.

I was practically kinda stalking him because I panicked when I said something ridiculous and when the communication stopped. I have ruined my chances. I told him to look at a music video which was of me and comment on it.

Iarla only has my new number but I forgot that so I text him on my old phone weeks ago after my bad joke. I asked him to go for a drink with me and to bring his friends. He thought I was Lauren a girl he met at a party and gave his number to and said we flirted harmlessly and that it was memorable. I was curious about this woman but I decided to stop going along with it and said I text the wrong person which he replied that he probably made the name Lauren up. He continued chatting to me. Eventually he asked who I was so I asked him to look up on a dating site to mysterious and for him to get an idea of me. He got really silent. He said he wasn't interested but when I asked whether or not it was me or looking me up, he said just take it that I am not interested. Shorty I realised that that may have been Iarla the guy from my class. I had him as Jerry. So I panicked and got quite emotional in my texts. I defended myself, kinda sounded needy or clingy. On my new phone number I text him "there is no point getting your number at all if we weren't going to communicate regularly, all I wanted was a study partner and a friend which I said from the beginning and was the main reason I asked you for your number".

I am very tempted to text him.

Since he stopped contacting me I have started becoming infatuated with him. I am sexually attracted to him now because of that and because he was flirting with other women in the tutorial by sucking and licking his pen in a very erotic way and he was looking over to see if the other women were looking at him.

It annoys me because I think we have things in common, he is 3 of my classes and I usually get on very well with people. He is ignoring me, being in polite, giving me bad looks and speaking and flirting with and two other women. It envied me when him and my mate were chatting especially when they were hanging out today at coffee. I know I am not what many think so when people who I have things in common with and are cool and have spoken to me before, becoming very distant and cold, I find it very tough.

I am really upset about this. I apologized in my new number. What more can I do?

He likes my friend, he is interested in my friend but he ignores me and is cold or whatever.

What can be done about this???

I really want to cry. I am not as bad as many people put me out to be. In all fairness his communication with me was very poor anyway before all this started.

Please write back.

How can I get him talking to me again and wanting to be or comfortable in or with my company???

Thanks for listening.

By the way, after Iarla became distant with me, a stranger text me on my new number informing that some drunk idiot borrowed his phone to ring my number. Iarlas mate I met in the shop never contacted me.

WB.......

Hmmm....

I've looked at this a couple of times, uncertain whether or not I should respond. I don't feel at all qualified as my own interpersonal skills are rubbish, and I'm that introverted that cutting people out is an easier option for me than it is for others.

Anyway, my view for what it is worth...

I'll start with the bad (please don't beat yourself up, and definitely read the good)... it sounds like your own efforts haven't been brilliant. I mean no insult by this, but if you were stalking him he has every right to run a mile now - I know I would if I was being stalked. For future reference, I would be seriously put off by anyone stalking me and suspect that most others would be the same. In terms of the messages exchanged and he didn't know who you are - that would also put me off. I would definitely put that in the 'they have something to hide' category rather than the 'mysterious' category. Maybe you make it sound worse than it really is, but I don't really see that there is any way to mend that bridge. I hope I've not been too harsh. I do feel for you and hope things work out, but maybe not with him. I've been in your shoes before, and cringe when I think about the ways that I behaved (and the way she did) - but I moved on met other people and life is much better, good job, married 8 years to a wonderful wife, have fantastic children, etc.

Now for the good. If there is one thing that is definitely worse than not being with someone, it's being with someone who is a jack ass. And guess what - reading about this fella has my jackass-o-meter shooting off the scale. If the first or even one of the first things he says to you at a party (shortly after you first met) was that he was going to get lucky... I mean come on. Seriously you shouldn't have been the one feeling bad if you gave him a put down for that. Nor is my image of him improved when you say that he is by the sounds of it trying to flirt in lectures. It doesn't sound like he'd be a good study partner if he can't even focus during lectures, and if he's flirting with so many people I seriously doubt he'd make a good romantic partner either. He may be cool, but cool is massively over-rated. However I look at it it seems like you were the winner, when you get rid of him.

So, my advice is back off. Don't text him. Don't try and make things okay. Be glad that you haven't got even more involved with an ass, and make the most of those friends you do have that value you for who you are! I know it's easier said than done, but in future try not to panic if you think you've said something wrong. Of course you should try and be polite and treat people respectably, but if you do that and it still doesn't work out then maybe it isn't meant to be. Be yourself and spend your time with people that allow you to be yourself. And remember, he wasn't the one that got lucky that night, you were when you got rid of him - even if it takes a while to see it that way.

As I said at the top, my own people skills are far from great, so apologies if I've got this all wrong.

no he text me on the night which he met me in the shop saying he was going to get lucky. The night of the party was a different night.

Iarla has a mate who spoke to me in the shop before Iarla and that mate said he would ring me the next day.

Well now Iarla is after my friend and they have been hanging out recently. what do I do......

thanks for your response though and comforting words.

wb....

Little Miss Anxious wrote:no he text me on the night which he met me in the shop saying he was going to get lucky. The night of the party was a different night.

Iarla has a mate who spoke to me in the shop before Iarla and that mate said he would ring me the next day.

Well now Iarla is after my friend and they have been hanging out recently. what do I do......

thanks for your response though and comforting words.

wb....

Apologies if I got the wrong end of the stick, but I wouldn't change my advice. Whether it was a comment at a party or a text the day he met you it is still pretty crass. And it still sounds like he probably likes a few too many women for his own/their good. That's one thing at 18 when hormones are flying and he may grow out of it, it's another thing altogether at 28!

I'd still suggest you steer clear. I know that it can feel akward if he likes a friend and she likes him, I've been there myself albeit a loooong time ago now - but neither I then nor you now have the right to get in the way.

If i had to give you some more constructive advice, I'd say think of something you've always wanted to do and do it. If you've always wanted to run a marathon, join a running club and start training. If you've always wanted to write a book, join a writers club and get started with that. Throw yourself into whatever you enjoy and will keep you occupied and a) have the opportunity to meet like minded folks and b) give yourself some space to get him out of your head! Doesn't matter whether or not you break records or get publised just good to do something you enjoy and can hopefully get some satisfaction from.

well now he has given me the butterfyls damn it.

The butterflys is not love at first sight or love it is pure simple lust. I know coz I had it so many times in my life.

What I have witnessed is:

Iarla getting jealous when his mate is kinda trying to break the ice with me and Iarla knows that I am in his class but it is only because I am a woman that he is jealous not because of who I am. Competiveness nature. selfeshness - "if I can't have her, he can't have her or "if he can have her I can have her or "I should be the one speaking to her right now" etc.

Iarla sent me a text saying "I am gonna get lucky tonight, enjoy your night".

Flirting or and speaking to every woman near him in lectures

checking out women who are sitting close to him when they leave lectures or pick something up

trying his best to win the body or heart of a woman after a lecture by discussing that lecture topic for example "did you like that, oh you didn't like it, you did like it oh". That is his way of flirting. Kinda similar to what has happened me but never in a lecure. lol it would be "you don't like me or you don't like it no" etc.

he tends to slouch when around a woman he likes who he is speaking to and he looks around him to see other women.

He quickly turns around whenever a woman asks a questions or makes a statement during a lecture to find out who that person is, he gets very curcious and hyper.

Seductive methods during tutorial - pen being used as a tool for the metaphor of cunningless or falato while looking around to make sure he is having a positive effect on the women in the room to see what their reactions are. Trying to get attraction. sexually active mentally, sexual relieve maybe.

I was not comfortable sitting across him in the library because although he ignored me, I had an awfully tingly sensation which put me off concentration and I was embarrased and sexual restrained because I am in college. lol This happened just after the incident in the tutorial.

Can't figure out where I stand in all this though.

How must I respond to him then, what must I say and do???

Seriously, he doesn't sound great. I'd run a mile. If you can get him out of your head you'll look back at this in a few months, and laugh at yourself wondering what on earth you saw in him. If you keep engaging with him and let him string you along - I doubt you or your feelings will be done any favours.

I hate to be judgemental - maybe there's a nice guy underneath there somewhere, but he just has massive insecurity issues. I've had a few friends that way. But that still doesn't make his behaviour okay, and until he's got his act together he'd probably make a rubbish partner in any sense.

yes but what do I say and do?

I can't run a mile because we have lectures together.

Excuse me but he is charming and hot or stunning, he smiles, had a good sense of humour and we have some things in common. That is hard to resist for me espcecially the wierd attraction I have for him.

I would like a man who has the whole package if I can.

any ideas why he would text me saying "I am getting lucky, enjoy your nite. Before this text I asked him what he was doing for the weekend or nite and if he was doing anything interesting.

Another interesting thing is it is a mystery how an older man not from college got my number and said he found my number because some drunk idiot asked to use his phone to contact me. Yet I have no missed phone calls or texts. This was after Iarla said "Just take it that I am not interested".

Say if he does need some help and is cool, would it be possible at all for me to convince him what he is missing out on by not wanting to be in my company? No matter what I would have to do for him to realise that which by the way is correct. I have been told that I am original, attractive and an interesting person who lights up a dark room, is outgoing, witty and can make people feel sepcial and important when they are around me and they usually have a good time.

They don't regret being in my company. I am blessed to have that. I like to please others and cheer them up. I am one of the good guys and according to many I have the full package well except the roles of a housewife and am not a quick thinker because of my brain dammage but I have alot of great things to offer. People like me are very rare. I am the real deal. I hate myself when I do dumb stuff like I did with him and I try my bestest to be a loving person and to look after myself. I struggle.

I am a taurus.

I am great friend
good lover
crap house wife
great wife
great partenr
crap painter or drawer
crap at fixing things
crap at saying or asking the right things
can accidenlty come accross as needy or clingy.
I love being responsible
I still want to be a child though and be creative
I love living in the moment.
the mans needs won't be negelected and never have been.

My problem is:

I tend to act irresponsibily on text messages
can get carried away with flirty text messages.
can be percieved i a negitive way
men have given me less back then I have gave them
one many eventually stopped pleasuring me in the bedroom but I still pleasured him
I attract vulnerable men including partrners
I attract confident men who want to get me into the sack
I atract confident men who want to get a snog from me
I don't like causing offence or upset to others
I fear asking for what I want or speaking my mind
I fear saying no or rejecting somebody
I fear having to break a friendship
I don't like being selfesh
I love erotica and passion
I am spiritual
I believe in love
I believe in hope
I believe in morals
I believe agree with Jesus's teachings on love and how we treat people in life
I believe that existentionalism does not work
I believe that we need discipline
we need a leader
we are egotistic.


I want somebody who I don't have to always cheer up
I want to be the reciever of pleasure
I want to relax regularly in the relationship
I want to be pampered
I want to be admired and appreciated
I want action more than words
I want balance.
I want someone who loves me whole
I want someone who accepts and appreaciates me
I want my other half
who has what I don't have and he can use that in our relationship and I can use what he doesn't have in the relationship. we balance it eachother. to make a whole.


I am a sucker for these things.

For some reason it hurts me when a stunning young cool fun man doesn't want me. Muste be my ego.

I can offer alot.

How did you go about forming a group in college....