Dyspraxic Adults

Ok..so this been bothering me quite a lot recenntly, and just wondered if anyone else had similar problems with social anxiety? I went through a period of this a number of years ago, but over past year it's got worse. (Partly due to fact I have had a few bad experiences, and maybe my my lack of self confidence does not help either!) I never committ myself to any social event now. I tend to decide lat min, dependent on my confidence at any given time.
I have to plan ahead. I avoid busy places as much as I can- (hard given I live in a city). I panic about meeting new people in a social setting, worry about my predisposition to doing something careless, and making a complete pratt of myself.

But I feel kinda sickly anxious and scared. I wish I could move past this, but I can't seem to. Certainly not as long I feel so insecure in certain situations. And tend to mostly meet my friends on a one to one basis. I guess with practice, things may get easier. I hope. Does anyone else ever feel this socially anxious?

I have been in plenty of these situations, that doesn't mean too say im good at it. I usually force myself in all types of situations so that I can learn from them. I usually find it useful to visualize.

I will give you an example; I used to have this acquaintance who i used to meet up with regularly. I only started associating with him because he was going out with my friend. I gradually started feeling manipulated by him very subtly, im not sure if it was due to jealousy. I was usually left feeling very confused and very unsure of what he was trying to tell me, I even went as far as asking him what it is he trying to tell me. He used to make plans with me and cancel the very last minute but then he used to call me up and act like my best friend and make me more promises. Before we met for the last time I prepared myself for the usual promises he gives me and all the same mind conditioning one liners he says to me. So when I met him this time he asked me to join him to the cinema the following day and also asked me if i would join him on a road trip to france. As good as these offers sounded I knew they were lies so I kindly and gracefully rejected them. And I made a stand for myself which im very proud of, I decided not to ever keep in contact. It took me 2 years but I got there. Of course I would have preferred it not to end like this.

The moral of the story is...stay strong and be prepared to take risks in order to find how to deal with situations. Life is a learning curve.

Thanks. I totally see where you're coming from. This has been my experience to an extent (with me also wondering do I expect a bit too much from people?) But I don't think so, cos I do always say, if there is a problem let me know, to which I am told- nah, i just got X, Y and Z on.."it's my issue, not you." That's fine, but then I wonder what am I doing to attract the last minute thing where people are ok to cancel. Why have so many people I know do this? I suppose I always decide last min about a social gathering, cos I know what it's like to committ , and someone let's you down last min. But that's on a one to one basis. At big gathering's , I doubt my absence specifically would ruin an evening- particualry when I may not know many of the people to begin with! But I do find sometimes people who say- "..nah it's me not you, that I am easygoing and at times should stick up for myself with others, are the very people who kinda go ..."Oh..!" when I assert myself with them. The amount of times, when I stand up feeling I am assertive, and not aggressive- but told my attitude has changed..then bam, Iam alone again.

So I guess asserting yourself is a bit risky, and now I am not sure how to be with people. I get told off for being passive, then if I do try to make a point to "..take a chill pill or take a joke.." then find myself punishing myself for maybe being to harsh. I guess it takes time to learn how to be with certain people. But I always think, cos I don't ever shout or swear etc with peolple, I do change my tone to be assertive, they see that as having an attitude maybe? Now I constantly worry what people think of me, i.e do they like me, or do they ever pretend etc? It gets tiring I suppose trying to be liked. I guess in time I will meet right fpeople, cos they will be the people I can just be myself with, and if I am assertive, they will at least tell me if they don't like it, what it is about assertive style that is wrong...assuming that's why people lose contact or just stop making an effort. (Ha, seem a bit ranty here, but it's just cos am trying to explain. Plus feels like a safe place, and may aswell take the opportunity! :-) ..I have to ask though- why the name Nagasaki, :-/....

I have always learned not to expect people to be perfect like that you will not feel so let down when they let you down. Expect people to not to be upfront about stuff, expect them to lie to you sometimes, expect them to let you down once in a while. Experience has taught me to allow myself and other people room for mistakes. You have to accept not every one is going to like you that is just a fact of life. I used feel like you alot i found inner peace when I let go of these expectations and it took away so much stress.

A hypnotherapist once advised me a good assertive technique is to use your presence, I have tried it and it works. Iam at uni and although I can be quite shy and quiet at times people know me as a person who knows everyone and some one who can talk to anyone. Little do they know that im actually nervous in some social situations and i struggle with assertiveness sometimes. Some people know im dyspraxic but others i have no clue.

I will pm you.

Sure thing.

I make myself do things. I always think I can't, but I always tell myself I can leave if I don't like it. Yes, it's difficult, but I usually find someone who will talk to me. Worth persevering..

I found that I had very limited friends, and only able to cope on a one to one basis, if I can get it that way, but since that doesn't happen too often with one friend, then it is usually two to one basis which I find pretty good, as we are all friends.

like spending 24 hours in pretty confined space ie. my car, and not fighting then it went really well. ok so we got out of the car loads, as we were sightseeing, and me doing most of the driving, so my friend would have a sleep while I was driving, so he could take over on the way back, as I knew the roads we were on, and the places to see. but it helped that we could have a laugh together, and no arguements, and for them to say yes to doing it again then made a really good impression.

but if you can't just get one friend, then get two, as then it doesn't quite bore the subject, which is kind of why some people don't like meeting up, and while 2 is company, and 3 is a crowd, it does help with conversations at times.

anymore and I do go to pieces, but try to listen to other conversations some times, as one friend like the sound of his own voice sometimes! and another friend hardly says anything (maybe because of the one that likes the sound of his own voice!!). so yes there is usually 5 of us on the Monday afternoons, but we do get on.

I find myself alone in most social situations ,off sitting away from the crowds. I do have people ask me if I'm okay, which I am I just prefer to have my space and I don't really like crowds. I find it hard to engage with groups of people but one on one I can do better. I get anxious about getting a bus full of people half pissed getting ready to go out on the town, I find my mp3 helps block out their noise. I also find the mp3 is good for dealing with crowds of people and long as I'm just walking straight through them.