Dyspraxic Adults

mr_mallow wrote:I'm trying to stay busy though. I think thats the key to the situation - filling my life up until there's no time to worry about these things.

I think thats a good plan- i try to keep busy so that i dont have time to get depressed (had probs with depression in past; came off a year long course of anti deps very recently). At the same time tho; peresverance is the key- im sure that one day you'll find the right girl for you (we do afterall make up half of the population :P:D); as the Guiness advert says, 'Good things come to those who wait'

Mr Mallow, from experience these things can happen to you when you least expect it. I spent 3 years at Uni trying desperately to socialise, and met no-one. The semi-girlfriend I did get turned up through a summer's afternoon in a park with friends and friends of friends.

I think a lot comes down to where you look. There will certainly be people out there who are right for you, and you just need to track them down, and trying places where you might find like minded people in a good start. There was a feature on the news the other day about how singles are now using museums as places to get to know other people, so if a certain museum is your scene, perhaps check it out!

I haven't stopped trying as such, I don't want to rush into something for the sake of it, and I only ask someone out that I like. I have asked girls out in the past, however, for some reason even though some have said yes, later that day or the following day they say they have a boyfriend and so can't go out with me. That just gets me down and confuses me, why say yes in the first place?

The worst thing for me along with that is not being able to read a signal, a genuine one. Seriously it would have to be made really obvious if someone liked me, I wouldn't be able to tell if they were just being kind, liked me or what.

I've never had any experiences of relationships. I'm far too awkward and never really put myself in the situations where anything is likely to happen.

My problem is not so much what I say, but the fact that I never really say anything!! I was always known as the extremely quiet one who never opened his mouth. I used to attract insults because of this. I've recently started to appreciate that I may not be a great conversationist but I do possess some good qualities, even if everyone else doesn't get the chance to see them.

Given my social ineptitude, I don't really ever see myself in a relationship. Sometimes I find this frustrating as I am a normal 23 year old with normal feelings, but I realise that there other things in life besides relationships.


Mattie.

Never say never, Mattie. I fully understand what you mean about the communicative side of things. I've been approached by a few girls over the years who fairly quickly lost interest because I couldn't keep up a conversation. I feel I've improved now, but that's because of friends I've got chatting to through the net and the added conversational experience that's come through that.

David - as regards meeting up with a girl who then tells you she's attached, I think this comes down to the different ways in which guys and girls look at meeting up. I get the feeling that if guys ask a girl to meet up with them, they've generally got relationships on their mind, whereas girls will often look at meeting people from a purely social and platonic point of view.

david456 wrote
"The worst thing for me along with that is not being able to read a signal, a genuine one. Seriously it would have to be made really obvious if someone liked me, I wouldn't be able to tell if they were just being kind, liked me or what". i hope that this quoting buissness works

i am exactly the same as you David. my usual mistake is ignore the girl that likes me and target the girl who is just being sociable. in the end i just give up, i reckon that if a girl wants me she just going to have to make it so damm obvious. in other words, she going to have to make the first move and that is how its worked in the past. which means that relationships for me are few and far between. because again the normal thing in this world is for the men to do the asking.

as far as having girls interest in me being lost due to my lack of conversation skills. i to have suffered from this but i think that the kind of person those girls were looking for was not me. therefore, i've never realy mourned them.[/quote]

I never get positive signs from women. Admittedly, I don't talk to other people much, which could have something to do with it, but no women has ever shown any interest in me before.

The only comment I've ever had was when I overheard someone refer to me as 'angelic' once - still don't know whether this is good or bad - so I don't really know how I come across to other people. I might seem moody and aggressive to other people for all I know. I'm starting to learn that it doesn't matter anyway - as long as I know that I've tried my best to be a decent person then everything's ok.


Mattie.

no women has ever shown any interest in me before

Ever heard of unrequieted love, Mattie? Someone may well have been interested in you and you just didnt know coz they never let on, so dont be so hard on yourself!

I have heard of this, but what is the point of being interested in someone, but hiding it? It doesn't make any logical sense to me. Even if you are shy like me, you must surely give some signals to who you like?

Maybe some people are too nervous/shy to even know how to give off signs. To be honest, for better or worse, I think I'm destined to be single forever. I'm not sure I like this idea, but when you're so nervous that meeting new people is extremely nerve-racking, what can you do? I'm beginning to think that I must have some autistic traits.


Mattie.

hi mattie you are no different from a lot of people, and in that i include myself. i find meeting new people hellish and meeting women virtually impossible. i remember when i was 23 and i felt the same way as you and now i'm 44 and i still feel that way. however, there has been a few women in my life inbetween then and now. and even though i don't beleive it i know that there will be another woman in the future; just don't know when. in other words, jsut get on with your life and you will find a girl that would recognize something in you that she likes and whats to get to know better.

I think, I fear rejection, only because I must have experienced many times. The thing is If I ask a girl out and she says no, I dwell on it. I question things. What is wrong with me, what am I doing wrong.

I wish I could just know what I did or didn't do, so I don't make the same mistake twice. The worst thing for me, is not knowing if a girl is talking to me because she likes me or because she wants me to ask her out. I've been in situations, where afterwards, people alot older than me have said the girl you were talking to really liked you, that has been both men and women saying it.

I just don't know how to distinguish between being friendly and flirting? Also how do you start talking to someone? That is difficult.

I have a question.
I have swapped numbers a few times with girls in the past and they seemed friendly, but then after I've contacted them to say hi, that's it I'm ignored and I never hear from them again.

This has to be a sign. What am I doing wrong?

Any words of wisdom greatly appreciated.

How long do you leave it between swapping numbers with a girl and calling them, Mattie? Maybe your leaving it too long and they dont remember who you are... this has happened to me before and was the main reasont hat I didnt answer the phone coz I didnt have a clue who it was!

David, Fuzzy makes a good point. How long have you left it before calling? I would have thought that if a girl has given you her number then she'd want you to call her, although you might need to make the effort and make the calls until things get rolling.