Issues with my long term partner (5 years)

[baileypayne]

Hi Guys, Hope everyone is well. Hopefully you can help me out and give me some advice and ways to improve.

Bit of background on myself, as a child I was diagnosed with Dyspraxia, it didn't really affect co-ordination but more speech, and I underwent a lot of speech therapy growing up. I am now 27, and my partner is 23. I haven't really thought about my dyspraxia for a long time, not until the last few months where it clicked that this may be causing some of our issues. And I want to find a way to work through them. I am currently on the waiting list for CBT through my areas talking therapies over the NHS. However Rose is fairly fed up as I have been saying I will address below but never really have. But I need to do this now to save my relationship.

I have been with my partner Rose, for 5 years now, living together with a mortgage for 2, and engaged for 1.

Recently a lot of issues have been raised about the last year, I was quite unaware but Rose hasn't really been happy since we have been engaged. There is things I need to work on, getting into a better cleaning routine around the house, my self esteem and impulsiveness (purchases not cheating).

The big issue is Rose feels I do not listen to her. And when we may go over a conversation, I will say, well I didn't say that, or that didn't happen. Rose assumes from this I am calling her a liar and we get into an argument over this, I will then through this realise I did mishear or not understand it properly and Rose is understandably exhausted from fighting it. I just seem to be stuck in a loop of doing this. Is this something others struggle with, not remembering or forgetting a lot of conversations?

What can I do to get better at this and improve? Should I seek sooner therapy for CBT?

I have suggested we do couples therapy, however she says she would be insulted if I started listening to a therapist and not her when she has been asking me for things.

[Tom fod]

Hi Guys, Hope everyone is well. Hopefully you can help me out and give me some advice and ways to improve.

Bit of background on myself, as a child I was diagnosed with Dyspraxia, it didn't really affect co-ordination but more speech, and I underwent a lot of speech therapy growing up. I am now 27, and my partner is 23. I haven't really thought about my dyspraxia for a long time, not until the last few months where it clicked that this may be causing some of our issues. And I want to find a way to work through them. I am currently on the waiting list for CBT through my areas talking therapies over the NHS. However Rose is fairly fed up as I have been saying I will address below but never really have. But I need to do this now to save my relationship.

I have been with my partner Rose, for 5 years now, living together with a mortgage for 2, and engaged for 1.

Recently a lot of issues have been raised about the last year, I was quite unaware but Rose hasn't really been happy since we have been engaged. There is things I need to work on, getting into a better cleaning routine around the house, my self esteem and impulsiveness (purchases not cheating).

The big issue is Rose feels I do not listen to her. And when we may go over a conversation, I will say, well I didn't say that, or that didn't happen. Rose assumes from this I am calling her a liar and we get into an argument over this, I will then through this realise I did mishear or not understand it properly and Rose is understandably exhausted from fighting it. I just seem to be stuck in a loop of doing this. Is this something others struggle with, not remembering or forgetting a lot of conversations?

What can I do to get better at this and improve? Should I seek sooner therapy for CBT?

I have suggested we do couples therapy, however she says she would be insulted if I started listening to a therapist and not her when she has been asking me for things.

Hi and welcome.

I believe we can often become overly defensive as a 'learned behaviour'. Growing up we may feel bullied by certain people, family member, teachers peers etc and our defenciveness becomes automatic and will show itself even when not needed.

Instead of bristling at what you think Rose has just said, instead try to clarify what was meant and discuss how certain actions feel/are interpreted by each of you.

CBT is worth a go but there are probably books and/or You Tube vids you can look at or watch to help improve how you get on together.

All the best snd hoping this is useful food for thought.