Associated newer additions? – Coping mechanism ideas?

[Packman]

Hi

Just wondering if anyone has tips, I can pass onto my son (22yrs) in coping with what is becoming some associated issues with Dyspraxia, not sure if this is relating specifically to his Dyspraxia or it’s a new OCD that’s now starting?: -

1. Constantly Apologetic
Even in the mildest of conversations where we might have a simple difference of opinion in a conversation my son is developing a compulsive need to return to me later to apologise. “I hope I wasn’t too forceful in my opinion, or sorry my view was different” I say you just don’t need to apologise for that, you really don’t, he will then say OK, thanks for that.

Its like a kind of OCD, a compelling need to apologise, once he has apologised, he feels better. But we are talking VERY regular and often of the most insignificant matter where an apology is not even remotely necessary. I am his dad, so he could tell me or do anything, but I worry I’m not helping him for outside communication. Other people are less tolerant.

2. Rubbing of hands together and need to wash hands
So, a regular rubbing of hands together (kind of stemming) in just a general conversation, anxiety impacted, noticeable increase in a new setting, i.e a conversation at a different table for dinner in a pub. Hands are sore and dry from constant rubbing.

Now in addition a compulsive need to wash hands. Like a kind of OCD as in 1 above starting to develop. We might be watching a TV show he likes that’s on for an hour, and 40 mins in, can we just pause the program, got to go and wash my hands.

As you can expect I’m fully supportive, I never pass comment or judgement, but I wonder if there are any general tips others use for better control of these aspects, it must be driving him mad?

If one day he ever wants a relationship (says he is too immature for that at the moment) or I’m not around, I worry I have not adequately helped prepare him.

Thanks in advance for any thoughts?.

[Shadwell]

to me personally it does sound to me like an OCD more than a dyspraxic thing, or a body heat issue. while we do fidget more in stress relatated situations it wouldn't be a constant fidget with hands, or not that I have really noticed myself.

I would reccomend speaking to a doctor about it though, maybe they can prescribe medication, or send him for further tests like testing heart rate or CT Scan, or MRI Scan or something, which does make my hands and wrists sweat a lot after exercising, or something. (as I do have other medical conditions that are being regularly monitored)

only other thing to suggest is do like you are at the moment, as for maturity, I was around 30 before feeling ready to settle down, so that doesn't sound like him being out of the ordinary to me for being 22.

I hope this helps.

[Tom fod]

Hi and welcome Packman

The psychological impact of trying to live up to Neurotypical standards definitely doesn't help. We shouldn't feel shame in being different and struggling with things that others seemingly take in their stride. I think we too often feel we're not enough or too much for others to have to want to deal with.

Equally there are lot of harsh realities and intolerant people we have to find an acceptable way of dealing with or avoiding.

I would definitely suggest trying to access counselling of some kind. There is little specific to dyspraxia but if possible finding a counsellor aware of and sympathetic to neurodivergent conditions is recommended.

Has Covid exacerbated the hand washing and has he tried any creams or handwashes that are kinder less stripping of moisture?

[Packman]

Thanks Shadwell and Tom for taking the time afforded to reply.

He wont be going down the doctor route as he is completely done with medical, if i suggested that he would likely tell me to go forth, then apologise after, but i might suggest the counselling idea if i can find one locally, not sure what i'm looking for? it would have to be private sector as i wont even waste my time trying to get any NHS mental health Support.

Yes, lock down hasn't helped at all and he is doing the final year of his degree online so need a way to get him out the house more to socialise outside of just family which is also a concern. He has one friend from the previous college course he meets periodically who has own issues but is a really great genuine guy imo and two others that he connects with online gaming etc from his old school but they are totally unreliable and often take advantage of his kind and better nature.

The hand washing is a more recent thing. Sounds like a separate OCD issue developing, as if he hasn't enough to deal with, Thanks anyhow for the suggestions.

[Tom fod]

You're welcome.

NHS Provision for adults with dyspraxia is v patchy and many GPs/NHS Trusts have not got many options. Mental Health support provision is dire.

Nationally you could look at Genius Within (GW) and or Exceptional Individuals (EI) for ND support into Employment.

Betterhelp seem to pop up in my social feeds. You could try asking the Dyspraxia Foundation to see if they can signpost.

Finding this forum and meeting other dyspraxics at work was the most beneficial thing for me when I joined this Forum in 2011 looking for answers. I had been struggling with anxiety prior to learning of Dyspraxia and while I believed I was too far gone for CBT to work, it did help me a lot, though its not suitable for everyone.

Has he reached out for support from his University?
Roughly what part of the country is he /are ypu located?

Also if you've not already seen it there are some resources listed here
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