Dyspraxia and grief

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melvin1990
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Dyspraxia and grief

Post by melvin1990 »

Hello again,

Not sure if this is the right place to post this but seemed the most logical place.A few weeks ago a very close friend of mine died after a short illness and I can't get my head around the way I'm feeling.Before my friend's death I was a emotional wreck,crying all the time and that sort of stuff.The funeral was last week and I didn't cry or show any emotion.That's what got me worried.

It seems like I'm not acknowledging my feelings,I know what's happened,but to be honest I don't want to feel anything because I don't want to appear weak.

One of my other friends who knows what has happened, commented that they are worried about me because I seem to be acting in a cold and hard manner. I don't mean to act like this and didn't even realise I was doing so.I think it's a type of defence mechanism against the grief and pain.

I suppose what I'm trying to ask is that is this a natural part of grief that everyone experiences or is just something dyspraxic people experience.At the moment I feel that I'm being very callous as I can't feel or don't want to feel anything.

Thanks for listening

Alex
Evasura
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Re: Dyspraxia and grief

Post by Evasura »

It took me 4 months to cry when my mum died. I seemed to be in a kind of anesthetic cloud, even hyper at the beginning. People seemed to find very strange the way I was behaving and some people say I was very cruel (I used to joke about my mums death, saying that I was going to call her on the phone or things like that and then burst into laughs). Don't judge yourself if you don't go around crying on everyone's shoulders. Each person express grief in a different way and you have the right to do whatever you feel like. Don't let people make you feel bad because you're not behaving the way they expect.
Hope you get on well with it.
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agsiul
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Re: Dyspraxia and grief

Post by agsiul »

I agree. I'd much rather think about the person the way they were before. I couldn't bear to see my grandmother in a home. She didn't recognise anyone and she wasn't herself at all. I know people thought that that was awful but I'd much rather remember her the way she had been. It was so upsetting to see her like a frail old lady when really she was the hostest with the mostest.
Star
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Re: Dyspraxia and grief

Post by Star »

I agree, with what others have said before. Everyone greives in different ways, you are probably still in shock which is perfectly natural when you lose someone who is close to you. Don't let other people tell you how you should grieve. The crying will come when you are reafy for it. Your body is just finding it's own way to cope with the news.
Stopfordian-Matt
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Re: Dyspraxia and grief

Post by Stopfordian-Matt »

Hi, i know this is an old post but thought id reply as i can relate to it

firstly id like to say sorry for your loss.

my mother passed away just over a year ago, to start with i cried alot but when my then girlfriend (now ex) tried to get me to talk about it i couldnt. she said she was worried about me because i wasnt "greaving properly" but i just didnt know how to tell her how i felt when she tried to talk to me about it.
I seem to be acting in a cold and hard manner. I don't mean to act like this and didn't even realise I was doing so.I think it's a type of defence mechanism against the grief and pain.
i agree with that because thats how i was acting i think it was a defence mechanism. i think its just a natual part of grief for some people. i know this probably didnt help or even make sence but just thought it post because i had the same problem

matt x
lauraECFan
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Re: Dyspraxia and grief

Post by lauraECFan »

I tend to cry a lot on the day that the death occured then go back to normal until the funeral which is when I cry through the whole ceremony.
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Shaw2380
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Re: Dyspraxia and grief

Post by Shaw2380 »

I know this post is old but I thought I'd add my thoughts to this topic. My grandmother past away 2 years ago and a few years before that my uncle who's my dad's twin brother passed away at 64. When I heard my uncle died I punched my fist through the wall then cried. Wanted to end my life. Strange I loved my grandmother just as much but didn't even go to her funeral. Don't know but didn't want to see her dead. I worked the day of her funeral on my security guard job. I sing songs I learned in French. I did cry probably a couple weeks. Now my sister has serious medical issues and don't know how I'll react if she were to die from it, maybe attempt suicide or maybe nothing at all or just get drunk until I puke my guts out and pass out. Like I'm getting use to losing close family.
Tom fod
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Re: Dyspraxia and grief

Post by Tom fod »

Shaw2380 wrote: Thu Jan 30, 2020 12:25 pm Now my sister has serious medical issues and don't know how I'll react if she were to die from it, maybe attempt suicide or maybe nothing at all or just get drunk until I puke my guts out and pass out. Like I'm getting use to losing close family.
I hope your sister is doing better now?
Tom
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demonotaku
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Re: Dyspraxia and grief

Post by demonotaku »

Sorry bumping this up because I am currently dealing with a situation


My Brother (my Like fathers son) Passed away in October, and since then I had to basically take my dad who well is "Unique" and only cares about me having a life - but he has his own beliefs I don't want to really bring up because its hard for me to explain in person or online what they are and how they put more and extra stress on me, because he Wants me to act like i did before in 2017-18 before they left me to live on my own. It hard because I just can't say I don't believe what he believes or it upsets him, and hes dealing with the grief his own right
Mistycalez
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Re: Dyspraxia and grief

Post by Mistycalez »

I was the same, when my family dog which I grew up with died (sorry to compare I know its not quite the same), i really struggled with the grief i held it in then a sudden outburst when i was drunk. after that i became a quite cold and stubborn person and my mum became really worried for me but i couldn't see it. it took me years to overcome this. i am not sure whether it is a dyspraxic thing or not but I my coping mechanism was definitely similar. if you learn any tips for overcoming grief please let me know!
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