You know how you get the sort of person who's extremely manipulative and doesn't care how many strangers get hurt as long as they get their way? They're not necassarily selfish people, often they care deeply for their friends and will quite happily cripple strangers to help those as well. It's the quite poisonous results you get where a person is willing to manipualte people and doesn't care what side effects it has.
I find those sorts of actions lead to a lot of bad feeling that spreads quickly. Especially in a social situation, where they would goad a person into overreaction or attempt to ostracise people where they can (or one leading into the other). Leaving the victim to pass on the bad feeling by performing similar acts to rebuild their personal self-esteem or acts of retribution.
How do you deal with people like that?
I just can't find anything that works except for avoiding them outright. The situations come up that I can't realistically avoid such an individual, I'm not willing to feel miserable everytime I meet him and I'm certainly not willing to retaliate on the same level. So what now?
How to deal with poisonous people
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Walltowall
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I'm not sure I see social situations as a ladder more than a pool. People spread out, if your friend has a friend then you will interact with them someimtes. Even if the only interaction you have is avoiding them they still have an affect on you that could strain your relationship with your friend (if you stop visiting them to avoid a housemate etc.)
I don't see how such people can be easily avoided if you want to know anyone at all. The whole no man is an island thing :P
I don't see how such people can be easily avoided if you want to know anyone at all. The whole no man is an island thing :P
In my expereince, manipulative people as you are describing, take advantage of peoples insecurities and vulenrablities to get what they want. it is very hard to avoid them but if you can than that is the best way of dealing with them. However, the problem arises when they manipulate your social environment in such a way as to affect you and the way you relate to other that share that environment.
while i was in a rehab in a seaside town a couple of years ago their was this very angry person who was a master manipulater who took offence at the way that i would not role over for him. i refused to have anything to do with him but because of the way that he stroked the ego's of those around him while sticking the boot (metaphorically) into me, led to me isolating myself from the group, and feeling inadequate and unliked. I know that self-esteem comes from within but it is also affected by ones environment as well. therefore, there is no easy answer to this dilema and each situation can have its own solution.
while i was in a rehab in a seaside town a couple of years ago their was this very angry person who was a master manipulater who took offence at the way that i would not role over for him. i refused to have anything to do with him but because of the way that he stroked the ego's of those around him while sticking the boot (metaphorically) into me, led to me isolating myself from the group, and feeling inadequate and unliked. I know that self-esteem comes from within but it is also affected by ones environment as well. therefore, there is no easy answer to this dilema and each situation can have its own solution.
Fire? Fire is a good solution.
*sigh* well I guess it isn't an issue anymore anyway. The situation that I posted this in has been resolved since the mutal contact I had with this guy is leaving the city so the chances of us visiting her at the same point are slim to none.
Still, it's going to come up again sooner or later. I think the most frustrating thing about it is that it is one of these things that understanding/recognising it doesn't make you immune. In the same way that knowing a cult uses brainwashing techniques doesn't make you resistant to them (and if you believe it does you end up more vulnerable) So there really is no defence other than to avoid and really that doesn't solve anything.
Some days you wonder why you don't just give up and join them.
*sigh* well I guess it isn't an issue anymore anyway. The situation that I posted this in has been resolved since the mutal contact I had with this guy is leaving the city so the chances of us visiting her at the same point are slim to none.
Still, it's going to come up again sooner or later. I think the most frustrating thing about it is that it is one of these things that understanding/recognising it doesn't make you immune. In the same way that knowing a cult uses brainwashing techniques doesn't make you resistant to them (and if you believe it does you end up more vulnerable) So there really is no defence other than to avoid and really that doesn't solve anything.
Some days you wonder why you don't just give up and join them.
Alas I have no TV so I did not see that.
I was at a party where four of us decided to create a fire so I was watching the pretty-pretty flames.
I guess I could just borrow Garys flamethrower if I need to do something like that. It's probably easier than dumping a bucket over someone, I might get some on me then.
I was at a party where four of us decided to create a fire so I was watching the pretty-pretty flames.
I guess I could just borrow Garys flamethrower if I need to do something like that. It's probably easier than dumping a bucket over someone, I might get some on me then.
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GiantHam
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How to deal with poisonous people
I find most people like that are not aware that they are behaving badly. In fact, most people I meet are night very self-aware. That is not to say they are stupid or anything, they just react without thinking. These manipulaters are the same way. They are just trying to get what they want the best way they know how. If you can talk to them about it, and talk to them in a non-judgmental way, they might be open to change.
I work a lot with children and some of them can be really manipulating, but ounce we point it out to them and suggest another way for them to get what they want. they usally change.
Just some food for thought.
I work a lot with children and some of them can be really manipulating, but ounce we point it out to them and suggest another way for them to get what they want. they usally change.
Just some food for thought.
At college lat year these two people in my class who were my so called friends were like picking on me and were manipulating, but I'm learning to stick up for my slef and everyone else in my class has noticed how horrible they are to me so have siad that they will all stick up for me, providing I stick up for myself first!
Luv Meg
Xxxx
Luv Meg
Xxxx
It's best to try not to worry about such people. They aren't worth it. I know someone like that. Recently I discovered it wasn't just me she was causing harm and misery too, and it seems she is most probably doing it purposefully out of jealousy amongst other things. She is a very, very prickly and difficult person.
Hi meg,
I know what it is like sticking your foot in first, but usually it does work, as long as the others aren't just saying they will stick up for you.
whenever me, and a friend used to do 5 rounds, the others would be cheering us on usually got the last punches!! lol
but I don't recommend violence, unless it has got that far.
mike xxx
I know what it is like sticking your foot in first, but usually it does work, as long as the others aren't just saying they will stick up for you.
whenever me, and a friend used to do 5 rounds, the others would be cheering us on usually got the last punches!! lol
but I don't recommend violence, unless it has got that far.
mike xxx