finding love a partner relationships

[Adrastos]

Is anyone else finding this difficult to find happyness, are there any dyspraxic groups dating groups out there that can help other dyspraxics find one another? all info is welcomed

feel free to message,

[Jim]

I googled dyspraxia and dating and came up with this link: http://www.okcupid.com/match?keywords=D ... nly_text=1

I don't think it's specifically for dyspraxia, but some members mention it as you can see by the key words search.

[Tom fod]

I certainly have. I have confidence with some things some of the time but sadly that never seems to include the opposite sex when it matters most.

People talk about the unwritten rules of dating but sadly everyone seems to have a different interpretation of them or at least that is how it seems to me.

I have some really good friendships with some female friends but it seems to be that I'm not partner material and am usually just stuck firmly in the friend zone and often hearing about how rubbish their current partners are but all too aware I'm less than perfect too though I guess I can probably blame society a bit too.

I've temporarily given up on efforts with online dating as was tending to worry too much about having to explain myself. I can create a pretty good profile and talk on line but when I reach the interview (first date) stage I fail.

Sorry if that was a bit ranty but my (perceived?) failure in this aspect of my life really dents my self confidence.

[Tom fod]

I googled dyspraxia and dating and came up with this link: http://www.okcupid.com/match?keywords=D ... nly_text=1

I don't think it's specifically for dyspraxia, but some members mention it as you can see by the key words search.

Thanks Jim

It seems there are people out there who are up-front about their dyspraxia on online dating sites. I must say I want to salute them. Disclosure is still something I'm wrestling with. I want people to accept me for me including my 'strange' dyspraxic ways. Aside from my problems I feel it does bring positive aspects to who I am and what I'm good at.

I think I'd be much more guarded about what I'd say partly because I'd feel uneasy about telling absolutely everything about me in my profile. Besides how I feel about it one day can be different the next.

[Jim]

You reached the date stage? Wow kudos to you.. When I was on match.com a few years back I only had regular correspondence with one girl and it didn't get any where near the dating stage

Didn't do my self esteem any favours.

Still, this okcupid thing is free.. So I may as well bung up a profile as I have nothing to lose only to gain.

[Tom fod]

Jim (and everone else for info - if it helps though you may want to question my qualification to give advice though ;-)

Thanks

I seem to be fairly good at writing a profile and chatting but most first dates I get a message or text saying "I didn't feel any chemistry" which I tend to take very hard . I think it's a good idea to try and get to the stage where you're talking about the possibility of meeting within the first fortnight as it reassures ladies that you haven't already got a wife or partner whose back you're going behind.

Bit too much on my plate at mo for 'chasing women'. Sorting out buying a flat and work is manic too. Everything seems to be piling up a bit too much. On positive front I did see nice girl from IT I met on a course last month, on another course the other day. Must email her sometime and see if we can meet up (when I'm freer again) You don't know if you don't try though often I'm too scared!

[minniemoo]

I think there is something to be said for dating one of our own, or at least someone with something similar like dyslexia or mild autism. I used to live with a dyslexic and he **understood** me, he didn't ask me why sometimes I could spell and sometimes I couldn't; or have a go at me for not using the right words for the right things; or not knowing left from right; or question why I don't like the things on my side of the bed touched or moved; or not being able to put the lid on a bottle right the first, second or third time; he gave me the space to be me, to deal with my dyspraxia best I could and to keep in practise with things to prevent it from getting worse in certain activities, which I find it does without practice. Of course I didn't recognize it at the time, we never know what we have until we've lost it. But my dyspraxia was never an issue in our relationship or our lives. I had the freedom to be me.

I now live with a wonderful man, but someone who cannot grasp the basics of our daily challenges and it constantly causes problems and arguments. It's making me think that I should seek help for my problems, but then I know that I am still me and that it is living with him that is creating the problems as he just doesn't know how to act around my 'issues'. The worst things are that he is sooooooo pedantic about what I say, that he doesn't seem to understand that sometimes I say things because I can't find the right/better way to express them and that causes me frustration and the other thing is that he won't let me do my own things, if he sees me 'struggling' as he puts it, he wants to help, he can't see that I need to struggle, I need to do these things, or else I will get out of practise. I need to do 'normal' things, no matter how hard I find them. I am not a child and do not want things done for me.

Sorry that turned into a bit of a rant, but the point is that yes, a dating service for us and our kind I think would be a damn good thing.

And all you dyspraxic lads who keep writing about not knowing the basics of dating and how do to it - I don't think many men dyspraxic or not know how to either. The big difference is, they don't admit it

[Jim]

Indeed, it seems to be a male thing to let pride and cockiness get in the way of honesty. Most males I've observed seem to have a cocky confidence, even if it basically makes them a bit of a prat. I do envy the confidence because I've always struggled having the confidence to ask girls out.

But women also send out mixed signals and can be really over complicated.

I've been flirting with someome new quite a bit the past couple of weeks and it's been fun. But confidence or not.. I can't really see a relationship developing because she has a dominant personality, can be quite judgemental and bossy. I know she likes me as a person and she enjoys the flirting.. But she's not slow to point out things about me she doesn't like!

Still.. No harm in a good ol flirt.. It might just help for when I do meet someone right.

[Jordi20]

I am extremely lucky to be gay and dyspraxic and have found a husband, who is wonderful.

We do argue a lot though, because he doesn't understand why I am struggling with things or what the problem is.

The biggest problem is that I do not know how to communicate effectively and he is a super-advanced perfect communicator.

The annoying thing is that I speak 4 languages completely fluently and 2 others very well. I just don't communicate effectively in any of them.

Has anyone else had the following problems and found any way to reduce the regularity or severity?

1. I say the wrong think or make a mistake and then get really frustrated or angry when picked up on it. This is frustration with myself, but comes across as anger with my husband because he's told me off! He's then so pissed off at my reaction that we're too far gone for me to explain.

2. I am a pedant! It is SO hard to decider what people are saying when they say things correctly, so when they don't say what they actually mean or contradict themselves, I struggle even more and repeat back what I think they meant to say, to check I have understood. I also think that people want to be "assisted" to get their speech correct.... They don't! Unfortunately I forget this every time and still correct them!

3. I mumble, talk too quietly or loudly or keep talking for too long etc. (This list of typical dyspraxic communication issues is by no means the only ones I do.) My husband picks me up on them and then I'm so mortified that I tell him off for picking me up in public. I realise how annoying and unreasonable this is, but not until he explains why he is angry.

The problem is all related to me reacting before I've processed what has happened. How can I train myself out of this? I don't know where to start.

Thanks for any ideas.

Jordan

[Tom fod]

Hi Jordi

I beelieve the trick is to respond rather than to react, which of course is easier said than done.

I too am a mumbler and I'm far happier communicating with people via email or in other written forms as I'm more confident and have more chance to get my words the right way round and make sense.

Verbally I try not to pick people up on what they say or how they say it as I guess I'm hyper aware of my own garbled and confusing delivery. I'm annoyed by bad spelling and worse still text speak so have to try and keep my tutting to myself though and try to be more accepting.

I'm not one to easily tolerate something that is sold as easy to use when there are glaring faults and I feel I'm being fobbed off when I try to highlight these faults as I can be very scathing if I'm emotionally charged.

[mucio]

My girlfriend and i have been together for 5 years and the first time i met her i explained my situation and did not have any doubts being with me. It's about finding a person who understands your problem and ready to support you.

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[FAndrews]

never understood how that works how do you do it through FB anyway? and i heard if it backfires it can be very public!

[Tom fod]

Assuming FB = Facebook. I suspect there are a variety of Facebook apps and link-ins from dating sites. Zoosk is one that springs to mind.

Felix like you I'm dubious and would not my personal life and/or any difficulties 'played out' on Facebook for 'all to see' , even just those who are my friends. Nor do I necessarily trust these third party apps.

Sydeny07 please explain more about how you got FB to work for you?

[FAndrews]

hmm still very doubtful especially with my recent disappointing experiences with online dating makes me very cautious of this sort of thing.