I'm posting here partially because I need to vent, and partially because I could really do with some help
First off: I am 21 years old, and I am studying for a BA in English with Creative Writing. I was diagnosed as dyspraxic by an educational psychologist in September 2011.
I don't know if anyone else has this problem, but my life (seriously - I'm not just being melodramatic here) has been blighted by my tendency to chronically and impulsively avoid whatever it is I have to do. I had to take a year out after first year as I failed everything. I failed everything because I didn't hand any work in.
When I came back for second year in 2011, things started well, but it took months for me to receive any support for my dyspraxia, by which time I had fallen into another apathetic-depressive pit and had long since given up on my studies. I managed to wangle a deferral for my exams and coursework deadlines, and through sheer force of will handed in all my coursework and sat all my exams. I achieved firsts in my coursework (constituting 50% of my mark) and 2:2s in two exams and a fail (by one mark) in the third exam (which I have to retake next summer, with marks capped at 40%). And so the upshot is I'm currently sitting on a low 2:1 for second year, which makes up 25% of my overall degree.
THIS IS GOOD NEWS, for three reasons:
1) To get a first overall, I need to average 73 in my third year.
2) My coursework marks last year were 73, 72, 74, 70 and 78.
3) 75% of my assessed work this year is coursework, and even my two exams are pre-release papers.
I also have many wonderful opportunities afoot. I am working on a script to be performed in a major Christmas production at my local theatre (which I will also be singing and acting in), and I have been selected to be in a young writer's programme which offers terrifyingly exciting opportunities for young writers and has produced several successful playwrights, poets and spoken word artists in the past few years. My heart is set on doing an MA in playwriting. If I get a first class degree, I am tenfold more likely to receive funding for it. I cannot do an MA without funding. You get the picture.
So... Why, with all of this going for me, with all the incentives and all of the potential, have I been severely depressed for over six weeks now? Why haven't I read a single text since the start of my third year? Why am I avoiding practising for my rehearsals, sometimes avoiding the rehearsals themselves, and putting off writing the script I've said I'd write? Why am I skipping seminars, and doing precisely nothing but daydreaming and time-wasting instead? I'm terrified. I don't know how to change my behaviour and I'm ruining my life because of it. This behaviour is definitely a result of my dyspraxia - I struggle to prioritise, organise, concentrate and remember things, and I'm a particularly slow worker. I've just had a reading week, which I thought I would use to finally catch up, but I wasted the entire thing. Plus I have loads of general stuff to do like washing, ironing, food shopping, etc.
But, all is not lost. I have 64 days until a mahoosive deadline. On Wednesday the 9th January 2013, I have to hand in two 4000 word essays and a 2000 word essay. I also have to get my act together and attend all of my seminars so that my tutors will be able to give me decent references.
And so, the time to change is NOW.
But I don't know how