Dyspraxic or just pathetic?

[chloliz]

Hello all.

I will try to keep this as short as poss, but my rambling tendencies and need for widely spaced lines might be a hindrance. [Edit: I failed! Sorry...]

Apologies for the Daily Mail-style headline, it is basically a shameless attempt to use people's indignation to get them to read my post :-D

I'm on here because I'm SO painf-u-l-l-y s-l-o-w at doing pretty much everything, and it's got to a stage where it's debilitating. It's taken me in excess of 20 minutes to write this post so far.

I actually found this website because I did a timed IQ test (an old BBC one online called 'test the nation') and got an IQ of 70. Given that in untimed tests of a similar nature I get scores of around 130-140, and that in order to compete in the paralympics with learning difficulties you need an IQ below 75, this struck me as odd, so it was google to the rescue and here I am

I clicked on the site when it came up because I've been wondering for a while whether I've got a mild form of dyspraxia. Already this post is in danger of becoming an essay so I'll try to be succinct.

I am, and always have been a walking disaster, spilling, smashing, dropping, bumping into and trippping over things regularly. At work (as a cafe waitress - ha!) I find myself saying to colleagues/customers "I'm not with it today" basically every day (or rather they say it to me and I have to laugh along - "hahaha yes it's not my day today is it!") because I mix up change, forget I'm mid way through serving someone and go and do something else, don't understand instructions, and generally make a cack-handed job of things. They honestly think I'm a moron at work, I know it.

As for generic stuff, I hold a pen almost in a fist, I spend 50% of my time 'zoned out', have spent most of my childhood being labelled 'scatterbrained' and 'disorganised' (what does a 9 year old have to organise?!?!), produce significantly less than everyone else in timed assessments (the main problem really), have a memory like a sieve, find it hard to sustain concentration, get motion sickness, had a nigh-on phobia of escalators as a child because I was terrified they would make me do the splits... And I'm ALWAYS late.

It's really late now in fact (I've been writing for over an hour) and I need to go to bed, so here are the rest of the problems in note form from a document I wrote about a week ago (have been planning to go to GP for a while):

Vision problems: Everything too bright, prefer darkness/artificial (dimmer/yellowish) lighting - can’t stand bright white light, see movement that’s not really happening, generally ‘blotchy’ or ‘pixellated’ vision; when reading from a computer screen every letter/word seems to have a fine bright glowing outline; when I’m tired my vision is so distorted it seems as if I’m seeing everything through the window of a moving car/like I’m in a dream. Prone to dizziness/the type of headache where leaning forward really hurts – giant pressure inside the middle of my head.

Fed up of people getting exasperated/angry with me/teasing me/thinking I’m dim/lazy/not paying attention, thinking I’m being pathetic/defeatist/a hypochondriac.

Find it very difficult to structure my life. Sometimes everything seems impossible.

Diagnosed with amblyopia – developmental vision problem – only use one eye at a time (cause of ‘wandering eye’) – affects depth perception. Basically no visual acuity in my right eye. Also have very mild (and have done as long as I can remember) tinnitus (ringing in ears). The vision problems may well be the cause of the whole package, but a diagnosis of SOMEthing will at least give me the peace of mind that I'm not just an useless wimp who is looking for excuses for her useless wimpyness. Not meaning to sound wallowy!

It has never been picked up on at school because I've always performed well. English is my best subject and I got mainly As and Bs in my GCSE's and A Levels. Where I struggled was the process of working: I did no work in school (much to the annoyance of many a teacher and the root of hundreds of raging arguments with mum), never completed homework on time and often did all nighters to meet important deadlines. I couldn't organise my way out of a paper bag. I only got by through painstaking refinement of coursework (and generous deadline extensions) and last minute revision.

My days of scraping by were over however last year, when I failed my first year of university due to not handing in any assignments for one module. Not to mention having a complete meltdown and sinking into a three month long depression, not leaving my room for the best part of two months and generally shutting myself off from the world. I'm going back this October and want to get this sorted so I don't have to carry on living like I'm stumbling around in the dark. I hate sounding so melodramatic, but it is the truth.

Anyway, if anyone's persevered thus far they deserve an award. All I'd like to know is, is it possible to have dyspraxia and get good grades (albeit not as good as predicted) and for it to be overlooked throughout a pupil's school career? Would a GP just gently tell me not to worry, and that I'm completely normal? I don't know what to do.

Thankyou so much heroic readers,

Chloe

[Loki]

Will try to keep this short because I tend to do the massive long post where I think of something else to add as I'm going, I'll likely fail, but worth a shot!

Sounds very much like me! I never made it to university As I was simply terrified of what would happen, I did very well in GCSE's and Alevels etc (I have 9 A-level and get yelled Why are you working in insurance?! all the time because of itl).

Since I've started working though I think I've come up with a whole boat load of techniques to try and get around something’s and I'm actually debating going and doing an Open University course on English and Creative Writing as I really miss it.

I’m only just in the process of being diagnosed now and I’m 23, spent most of my childhood with the clutz tag on my head same as yourself and GP’s never even considered it.

I’ve not even bothered mentioning it to my GP now to be honest, I’m getting Diagnosed through the Irlens centre which offer glasses and lenses for people with various visual disturbances, depth perception… etc… i.e. A lot of what you just mentioned above. Can’t comment on how well this will work yet… I’m still sceptical but there’s a chance they can make things a lot easier for me which I’d like to have in the bag when I go to Uni myself.

One thing I have noticed now though is just the diagnosis itself, when someone gets exasperated… It doesn’t get to me as much any more. It’s not like I’m making an excuse but more I know why it’s taking me so long and its not because I’m an idiot or stupid, its just a part of me that I have to live with if that makes any sense…

Endless processes is probably my best advice for you. I work in an office and have hyper organised everything because I am so horrible unorganized…. Sounds really weird and backwards but it work. Every time I have something new – I will set a process for it, and repeat it over and over until it’s drilled into my brain. Also I still have every process written down because I will forget now and then.

(Ironically these have turned into New Starter Packs for the rest of my office!)

When it comes to learning things, getting things into my head… find an unsuspecting person. (Oh my partner has likely wanted to kill me a few times from this method…) And teach them. You’d be surprised how much you seem to learn when you are teaching someone in comparison to when you are learning. Plus every time they ask a question you have to look up the answer which gets it into your head.

When I was in college and school however no one even guessed I was Dyspraxic or Dyslexic and I’m getting told I’m both now. I’ve spoken to quite a few people now who got good grades in school and because of that were never considered to have had something like Dyspraxia so they have unwittingly come up with coping tactics.

Anyway…

I’ve failed my attempt to not ramble and will leave you in peace!

[Ldyalb]

You sound just like me, prodded and poked for various health problems as a child (I had stunted growth and chronic sleep and bed wetting issues). No-one noticed I have dyspraxia, no-one noticed I have borderline ASD, no-one noticed dyscalculia (seriously, my maths was awful but no-one noticed) or my hypermobility (to be fair even I missed that one, got a shock when I realised I could bend myself lol).

I got 10 GCSEs at A-C (mainly Bs) and ABC at A level, went to a Russell Group uni, collapsed a bit with the stress of organising myself - my secondary school noticed in year 7 I couldn't organise myself and taught me some tips - BUT Uni involved mastering a campus

I did manage though and came out with a 2.1 was diagnosed about 6 months after graduation, I really wished I'd heard of dyspraxia before so I could get extra time in exams - I suspect I would have had a higher degree result if I'd known and had help from 1st year onwards. I also believe I would have had 3 As at A level as well had I had the help at school. Makes me mad but at least I know now what's 'wrong' so to speak (have suspected from an early age I had a problem which wasn't diagnosed).

I found my GP helpful (I broke down in her office and she referred me for help, possibly to get rid of me lol). I argued I needed the diagnosis as my maths skills were so poor they were preventing me from securing graduate employment and that I needed a reasonable adjustment - she agreed. In your situation I think you have two options;

- try your GP for a referral
- try your Uni for a referral

My DP is looking at doing a Masters next year and Nottingham, Birmingham and York Unis are all saying they will screen candidates who suspect they have dyslexia/dyspraxia so they can have assistance.

If I were you I'd try your GP first (the sooner you get diagnosed the better), at least if a GP won't help you you can call the University and ask them what you can do. They may be prepared to assess you before you start - they take inclusion of disabled students VERY seriously. Also I'd read up on ADD/ASD etc beforehand, I wish I'd suspected I had ADD and ASD as well when I met with my Neurologist in 2010 as I'd have asked him to assess me for that as well. Same with dyscalculia, also wondering if I have very mild dyslexia (can read with inside voice but not out loud, I stumble like crazy).

Hope that helps, good luck!

[nicolabamber]

HI
My 18 year old dyspraxic (also ADHD and Dyslexic) is going to uni next year. Sheffield Hallam has been really helpful and have arranged all sorts of tests because he was diagnosed before age 16, to basically rediagnose him so he can get extra help and apply for disabled studants allowance (a small grant to help with his difficulties)
So anyone going to university thinking they have dyspraxia or similar should contact the uni disability officer

[Euphena]

Hi Choliz

Welcome to the forum. Don't worry about your long post, please feel free to vent your feelings here.It's safe. I understand struggle, during my first degree I was going through depression, in fact with every degree I did I was going through some anxiety and depression as I was stressed out.

I was only diagnosed dyspraxic and dyscalculic in december 2010. I STRONGLY advise that you go to your Uni's disability office and asked to be referred to an Educational Psychologist. You do not have to pay. You need to get peace of mind.

I'm currently writing up my MPhil thesis so dyspraxics are not stupid, it just takes us a little bit longer to work out things, in fact we are very intelligent bunch of people, it's just our brains are wired alittle differently.

I have a learning mentor who helps me with me organize my thesis and encourages and keeps me motivated.

This is the reason you must get a Definitive diagnosis at Uni so that you get help with a disabled student allowance.

[chloliz]

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I just wrote a really long post, and it took such a long time that the website logged me out and when I logged in again I'd lost everything

I don't have the heart to write it all out again (can't remember it anyway!)

I was just saying :
1) Sorry it's taken me so long to respond! (I kept procrastinating from it for some reason)
2) It's really nice to read your stories, makes me feel like I'm not alone. It's also heartening to read how successful you've become despite the obstacles you've had to overcome.
3) I know what you mean Loki about a diagnosis helping your self-esteem, I'm the same; you just want acknowledgement that you're trying your best and can't help the way you are.
4) Ldyalb - I followed your suggestion and started researching ADD, and the Inattentive subtype describes me to a T. Thanks for that!
5)I had a horrible GP appointment today. It was thoroughly humiliating and I messed it up. He seemed skeptical that there was anything wrong with me because I did well in primary school (just what I feared!), and when I first brought up the possibility of ADD/Dyspraxia he said 'I think you're looking for answers' as if to say, 'rather than taking responsibility for your problems'. I was in floods of tears afterwards. Also because I was getting really flustered I kept repeating myself and being really vague, and missed LOADS of stuff out (despite me taking in pages of notes and a list of symptoms). Then when I did remember specific things it just sounded really lame, like 'well my room is really messy'. UGH. Cringe.

Has anyone else experienced this sort of attitude?

[chloliz]

Grr another thing I've remembered...

He (the doctor) said to me 'Most adults go through therapy rather than taking medication you know" - as if he was expecting me to be disappointed or something. Again maybe over analysing here, but it seemed as if he just thought I was after drugs.

I feel so miserable and desperate i need a diagnosis of some sort for my mitigations application as I'm on my last chance resit, so if no-one believes me or dismisses my problems then I'm going to have to tell everyone I failed my degree. And will subsequently fail at life because I can't hold down a job for more than a couple of months.

Arggghhhh. Rant over.

[Loki]

That does sound like pain .<
I've still not bothered with my GP but this Irlens thing has been super helpful it turned out,

Bit of testing (Was at a guys house and I took my Bf as I thought I was going to be turned into a Bmovie...) and he had given my a full 16 odd page report explaiing where I am at risk for certain things, explaining what Dyspraxia, Dyslexia and Irlens is and its completely angled towards my HR department in the way that they know how to right it to get companies to take note and do things!

I've also been given these blue sheet things... which are now over my computer and my attention span has pretty much trippled... how a blue film over my monitor has done that?! I have no freaking clue but I'm just hoping my office goes and funds the glasses!

At the same time though it's got my company recognising that I'm Dyslexic and Dyspraxic straight away, I was really stunned at how in depth the report was lol

[Euphena]

Hi Choliz

Please contact Tom Francis for advice he is a educational Psychologist. He will not charge for the advice. I feel your fustration. His contacts details are below.

Telephone: 01825 766011
Email: childpsych@btinternet.com

[vervegirl]

And I thought I was unique! Honestly, it's as if we could write each other's life stories!

I'm in my fifties now. I discovered I was dyspraxic 18 years ago but wasn't formerly diagnosed until last year. School was a nightmare and, although I had passed my eleven plus, I left school at the earliest opportunity because, as far as 'education' was concerned, there was no such thing as dyspraxia!

Intelligence is not compromised in someone who is dyspraxic. Einstein was dyspraxic and couldn't tie his shoelaces, apparently.

I was very fortunate to have had a Dad who was a hypnotherapist, way before hypnotherapy became popular so I was brought up knowing about hypnotherapy and, as Dad also used to teach hypnotherapy, I became one of his students and qualified six years ago.

Hypnotherapy can and does help people who have dyspraxia, with some of the specific problems we encounter and I have developed a number of hypnotherapy treatments to do so. If you'd like any more information, have a look at my website: www.bneill-hypnotherapy.com I hope you find it helpful.

[vervegirl]

By the way, you are definitely NOT pathetic. When you think about all the effort that goes into just living from day-to-day for those of us who have dyspraxia, I reckon we all deserve a pat on the back, not the criticism that all too often comes our way.

[Tim G]

Yea we are defunitly not pathetic - it may seam like that beceuse we struggle to achive basic tasks but the thing is that its a lot of effort for us to achive it and that means we arnt pathetic.

About IQ tests - they are a lode of rubish it think (espshlie the timed ones) and the are aimed at normal people and thoes without ND issues so for dydpraxic people who take the tests it can be a falce repesentaction of your genral interlgance .- I don't realy care about IQ tests, it wouldent bother me if I did ok or just failed, I have other things to worry about.

It seams as though you are dyspraxic - I think you should skip the on line test and go to a educational phyc for a digignosis - this is the best place to start.

As for generic stuff, I hold a pen almost in a fist, I spend 50% of my time 'zoned out', have spent most of my childhood being labelled 'scatterbrained' and 'disorganised' (what does a 9 year old have to organise?!?!), produce significantly less than everyone else in timed assessments (the main problem really), have a memory like a sieve, find it hard to sustain concentration, get motion sickness, had a nigh-on phobia of escalators as a child because I was terrified they would make me do the splits... And I'm ALWAYS late.

That's simmler to me - I am allways zoned out and genralie anrt aware of anything or whats going on etc, not doing anything thinking and have constent issues with money. I think the best way to describe dyspraxia is that i am verry childish yet part adult at the same time and a lot of stupiditie (that might be the best way to explane it).

About the GP - I woldent advice going and if you do go take there advice with 'a pinch of salt' - when I talked to my GP and mental helth team about my dyspraxia they basickly said that beceuse you are born with dyspraxia then thats the way it is and we can't help you so I am now determined to find tutors who will help me with dyspraxia in life (not in education as i have had enough of that).

Education wize I was in the same situation I worked myself into the ground to get GCSE's and A levles and the grades were good around B's. However when it came to unie I got side tracked, worked verry hard at work but stuggled to get it sorted and what I wanted to convay so my marks wernt good, it all ended in me eventuly having a melt down and leaving for good and to sort myself out.
My advice about the unie work would be to get help on how you can achive what you want to achive but also be aware that it just may not be right for you so why bother messing yourself up again - you will find that academic work is not the be all and end all - just try to get the basicks sorted first.

About the vision problems - I suffer from sillmer effects to of being light senstive (manly to natural light) and also to heat, this can add more problems to my genralised axianty disorder (which is also linked to dyspraxia).

Your not alne with you issues - hope this helps.

Tim

Also a fue questions to people on hear:
- What are the filter glases all about?
- Can anyone reccomend any good dyspraxia tutors for adults with dyspraxia?

[Hoppingmouse]

Hi. I know you're not pathetic but I dunno about dyspraxic. I don't have a formal diagnosis of dyspraxia, but I think I fell pretty close for being diagnosed with it on the WAIS. I have fantastic grades in university and I am smart enough to get two degrees so far, and do honours (which was admittedly a huge struggle).The problem for me is using what I know without it being completely overwhelming. I was always near top in English at high school. I have a good grasp of logic and I understand how things work. However I have a terrible working memory, get lost easily, I can't work in the field of nursing because I lack the skills to multitask, and can't be organised enough to work and study at the same time. It is really really difficult because I appear to be pretty smart, expectations of everyone around me are quite high. And yes I did that test on the BBC website too and came out with a very similar result as you. I was interrupted in one question and I am Australian so it wasn't completely culture specific, but I sure should have got a better score than I did. I would say it is entirely possible that you have dyspraxia. And even if you couldn't get a formal diagnosis I wouldn't fret. I guess it does make it harder to get help is all. I am trying to find help even though I haven't got the label and I am having to learn to play to my strengths.

[tillydog]

Hi hoppingmouse!

When in Aus are you from? I'm from Sydney!