Feeling judged...

[Ticachica]

Hi,I found out I was dyspraxic relatively recently. I don't have severe problems, but the difficulties I have experienced have affected my confidence and self-esteem throughout my life. Unfortunately I told my family recently and although my mum was supportive, my sister was really sarcastic and said "Anybody could get some kind of diagnosis if they looked hard enough for one" and she also said "You're going to blame all the things you do wrong on your dyspraxia now". I found this really hurtful and upsetting.

In addition (and this may not be entirely linked to dyspraxia) but my boss recently told me that some people at work have been talking about me behind my back, saying that I get flustered and stressed easily and can be too loud around the office. I just feel like its one thing after another, and I honestly am starting to question what value I have as an individual as I was proud of my outgoing personality and ability to make friends at work even though I am disorganised and scatty, but now clearly thats not appreciated either. I feel utterly crushed and worthless and miserable. I'm sorry to lumber you all with this depressing post, but I've never felt so low in my life and I just need a bit of support from somewhere.

[Cobnotroll]

*hugs*

I'm really sorry that you're feeling low, but you need to hang on in there. I think that everyone with Dyspraxia faces intolerance and ignorance at some point in their lives, and it'd be a lie to say that it doesn't affect you. There have been many times when I've wondered whether I am a 'proper' human being, and I wish that i didn't feel that way, but sometimes you just can't help it.

There are many ways to feel more positive about it. People with disorders like Dyspraxia often have to take the world more cautiously, and think carefully about their surroundings in order to get by on a day to day basis - and as such are more considerate and caring individuals. On a technical side, the fact that we struggle with things such as handwriting means that we can becoming better typists eventually. At the end of the day we need to value the positives. There are much worse conditions than Dyspraxia.

I'm not expressing this very well, but it doesn't need to feel as bad as it does right now. You have a job, support within your family (it's hard to stress how important that is!), and whilst it must be extremely difficult to comes to terms with this all at once it does get easier, I promise. I was diagnosed with condition when I was 8, and have suffered a lot of emotional and physical pain due to it, but I wouldn't get rid of it if I had the chance. It's made me who I am, and all the positive things in my life are linked inextricably to those negatives which get bound together and called 'Dyspraxia.' It's a curse, but it's also a gift. I'm sure that you're a great person who doesn't need this sort of stress, and I hope it things improve for you in the near future.

Chin up!

[Ticachica]

Thank you. I think because I have struggled with problems most of my life which I now know are dyspraxia related, but because it wasnt diagnosed, I was frequently referred to as stupid, foolish, an idiot, brains but no common sense etc and I've now taken these things as part of "who I am" when they dont need to be. It is difficult to unravel what is actually me, and what is dyspraxia. I am generally an optimistic person, I've just been down in the dumps a bit lately.

I'm interested to know what difficulties people have socially in terms of how they are in conversation and how dyspraxia can influence this. I am interested because I am considered loud and talkative (which I dont mind) and I'm not very good at turn-taking in conversation, but I dont know if this is me or dyspraxia? Or if it's a bit of both? So confusing!!

[Cobnotroll]

I'm not sure how much I can help you with the 'technical' side of it, but I'll do my best.

As you probably know, Dyspraxia is much more complicated than just the 'clumsy child syndrome' of popular imagination. People with Dyspraxia are often have difficulty judging sensory stimulus (for example I know one guy who has to carry around a thermometer to measure cups of tea and so on, otherwise he'll burn himself) and this extends to sound. That's why Dyspraxics can often talk too loudly, or too quietly, or sometimes both in the space of a single conversation! Furthermore, Dyspraxics can be both undersensitive and oversensitive to sensory input - for example I've always had huge problems with loud music or loud conservations.

In terms of social difficulties, it's definitely part of it but I'm afraid I'm not sure how much I can help you to understand it. Many of the aspects of social difficulty which are associated with Dyspraxia - an inability to understand the subtle nuances of social interaction, seemingly obscure logical processes and socially 'inappropriate' behaviour - are also associated with the Autistic spectrum, and in a number of cases there is a degree of overlap, or 'co-morbidity', between the two spectrums. It's not necessarily the case with you, but it might be something worth bearing in mind.

I completely understand where you are coming from when you say that you're trying to separate what's dyspraxia and what's 'you.' I always viewed the difficulties I faced as deep, personal, even moral failings, but as I learned more about the condition I was increasingly able to view Dyspraxia as a rationally defined, medical condition which was a part of me - but I wasn't defined by it.

Best of luck!

[Ticachica]

Thanks for that info - cant believe that about the thermometer. I only have a mild diagnosis so I dont have that level of difficulty. I think I'm about as far from being on the autistic spectrum as its possible to be, I'm very social, very imaginative and usually I can communicate reasonably effectively! However, I know what you mean - I definitely talk too loud and I do sometimes speak over people. I'm aware of when I'm doing it and can step back and stop doing it, but I often begin to do it without conscious awareness, and then I have to apologise when someone points it out. When people dont point it out, that annoys me because I dont always realise I'm doing it! I think its just a case of asking my colleagues to be upfront with me and tell me if I'm being too loud.

I also get really distracted during conversation, even awkwardly during interviews (distracted by my own thoughts) and I frequently forget what I'm going to say next! Could this also be linked to dpx?

Sorry for so many questions, I just want to understand me more!!