New Cracks Appearing

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griffaliff
Getting settled in
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Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2013 2:29 pm

New Cracks Appearing

Post by griffaliff »

Hi there,

I've posted on this part of the site a few times about work. I became a tree surgeon over the past 12 months, I climb trees and maintain them/cut them down for a living. I have found that even in my previous career (I used to work in I.T.) that each job I went to, cracks would start to appear in my general quality/consistency of work.

I am finding the same issue where I work now.

I was very damn fortunate to land a job recently with a tree surgery company called Bartletts, they're the biggest in the U.K. The only thing is I can tell people are starting to pick up on my daft mistakes. I'm not putting anyone in danger, just little things like fraying someone's rope with a hand saw (we always check our ropes before use), getting in the way slightly instead of being totally useful etc. I just worry I suppose that over time this company is going to realise my flaws and sack me.

Largely I feel like that I am simply not cut out for the working world at all. It's quite frustrating because I recently came to the realisation that where ever I go to work, people are always going to have the opinion of me that I'm slow and a bit dopey. I detest it to be honest but it's simply who I am.

Has anyone else found the same thing with themselves in the workplace?
Tom fod
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Re: New Cracks Appearing

Post by Tom fod »

Apologies for delay in response I had to think. Hope this is of use.

I think we all suffer from this type of uncertainty and it's not unique to people who are dyspraxic though it is prevalent. Why is it do you think that things start to go downhill? Could it be a self-esteem thing where you have a bit of a compulsion to believe you're not deserving so you're unconsciously trying to sabotage things?

You seem able to defy some of the common stereotypes and convey yourself well to land yourself the jobs so you must be capable even if you have a tendency to feel you're a fake can you really fake roping up and climbing a tree and lopping branches safely.

It can be a struggle if your own working methods appear different/disporganised to others as many people look on different = not right and while to a certain degree we do go our own way it can feel lonely at times and we tend to worry and try to compare ourselves with others, often unfavourably. People need to appreciate us for our sometimes different approaches and allow us some flexibility and guidance that is not perceived as patronising

That's my 2ps worth. I'm sure you can do it and I hope things improve in time. I think we are often prone to setting impossibly high standards of ourselves and fretting because they're unattainable.
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
griffaliff
Getting settled in
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Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2013 2:29 pm

Re: New Cracks Appearing

Post by griffaliff »

Hi Tom,

thanks for the response! One hundred percent no on the sabotage front. I like the job, it just seems that my personality shines in an interview but when faced with the task I'm hired for, things slowly unravel.

I wouldn't say I set hugely high standards for myself either, just simply to get the job done on the same par as my peers. I see it all the time where people start a job at the same time as me with the same experience and they'll be able to keep up while I fall on the wayside. I actually had a review with my two managers today after being with the company for nearly two months now. The same things came up in the conversation as have in jobs I've had in the past; sub-par working standards, having to have tasks pointed out to me, being forgetful etc. Basically being told that if my standards don't improve that disciplinary action will be taken.

It is quite a serious worry for me because in the past I have just run away from jobs that started to wind up being dead end. Now I've got myself in a situation where everyone around me sees this as my career now so it's not like I can get away from it, particularly when I have rent and bills to maintain. Not to mention the heavy price of borrowing money off my parents to pay for the courses that allowed me to change my career, I am essentially stuck with this now. Part of my reason for taking up a hands on career was that I thought it would solve my issues that I had doing office work however I just seem to have carried the problems across. The thought of selling all my possessions, giving up my passion (writing electronic music) and using the money to just wander off into the sunset streaks strongly across my mind a lot of the time. I suppose what it boils down to now is that I'm 28 and I know that every work place I go to, the same problems will arise and I'll get sacked or leave. I just feel half the time that I should simply give up and live a life with no fixed address with no job, just getting by on my wits. Difficult I suppose when I'm not a street-wise person. Talk about a rock and a hard place!

Sorry for the essay, thanks for reading if you do!

Steve
Tom fod
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Re: New Cracks Appearing

Post by Tom fod »

Hi Steve

Apologies if you were in any way offended by the sabotage theory. I think we're all very different personalities. I've always been very driven in the sense that I expect a very high standard in everything I do but can find myself in trouble as it is impossible to always maintain things as perfection is often impossible because people and situations are often beyond my control. I think my fear of getting things has both helped and hindered me.

That you can shine at interviews could be viewed jealously by many here. However it can be a disadvantage if you're unable to maintain the impression you created at interview. I'm guessing you have never uttered the word dyspraxia to your employers as to many the words tree surgeon and dyspraxic (or disability - though I don't think they word really should come into it) just cannot coexist despite the fact you got yourself through the training. I guess it's like a driving test (not that I'll ever take one) in that you can pass the test but you are constantly learning even after the test and what you have to do in the test won't necessarily prepare you for every situation you will encounter out on the road putting the skills into practise.

You sound you're very much a free spirit struggling to live with the conventions of our world and society and feel conflicted by the need to conform whilst not really wanting to have to? These things aren't easy to confront and the prospect itself is frightening but we need to find a way that works both for us and others too.

Anyway enough of my babble. Hope you have a good Christmas break.
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
screengreen
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Re: New Cracks Appearing

Post by screengreen »

Hi Steve,
Do you have a diagnosis? As it sounds like you may have ADHD, in an interview situation or where there is novelty it is easier to maintain attention than in the routine hum drum of work, are there any ways you can introduce more novelty into your work as this may increase your focus alternatively you may like to consider an appointment with your GP/ occupational health to consider a diagnosis, Or if you have the gear you could consider your own business as this would give you more freedom..... but if you do this remember the customer is King!
griffaliff
Getting settled in
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Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2013 2:29 pm

Re: New Cracks Appearing

Post by griffaliff »

Hi Tom,

no offence taken at all, no worries there. Yes, it is very much indeed the case where I come across shining at the interview then find it nigh on impossible to reflect that in my work once I am hired. It's a bit of a pain in the arse really. You also hit the nail on the head about conforming, we have a society where to live you need to work, so I do, but then I seem to be hit by problems like the ones stated in my previous posts. I often find it infuriating because I totally don't mean to come across the way I do, it just seems to be who I am and it always brings me to the point of an employer firing me. I find at the moment, while I'm in my mid 20s, it's OK to a point. I have no kids, mortgage or marriage to worry about but by the same token if this pattern continues into my 30s and 40s I have no idea what it will lead me to do. An occupational therapist might help but it probably won't change a behaviour that is part of who I am. You can make a concious effort to change how you behave for a certain amount of time but ultimately, you always end up being back at the person you originally were. It's a complex and frustrating problem to be honest. I very much doubt the government recognises it as a disability that means you can't work as well, so living on benefits isn't an option. I just find sometimes when I look into my own future, it looks like a bleak road of jumping from job to job and always earning low wages because I was never able to make my way up any career ladder. To add insult to injury, most people I meet tell me that I come across as bright/smart/intelligent, which I know I am, I just can't do something simple like hold down a job.
griffaliff
Getting settled in
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2013 2:29 pm

Re: New Cracks Appearing

Post by griffaliff »

Hi again Tom,

I reckon a touch of ADHD is in there yes. I find my dyspraxia pulls in elements of that and aspergers too. The work is novel sometimes, it depends on the job. I can sometimes be just collecting leafs all day and chipping wood which is fairly dull but some days I'll be 60ft up a tree for hours. Setting up by myself is an option (I have just inherited a large sum of money) but I'd rather keep that just in case things go awry. Setting up on your own as a tree surgeon is high risk and expensive which again puts me off. I'm quite happy earning less money but having that full time work there. Who knows to be honest, maybe I will set up by myself, it may well yet come to that!
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