Im really Scared

A place to talk about your experience of living with Dyspraxia

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simonlfcgreen
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Im really Scared

Post by simonlfcgreen »

Im Dyspraxic its affected me from Scholl into now I have failed at many of my Chef chances mostly through not being able to Write Recipies, Not being able to Organise my sections. And from just not knowing how to move under pressure . Ive always been seen as Daft, I always was Bright but Ive got much worse over Time take Maths, English and German these were my strongest lessons through School i was top of my class by a very long way, But now i cant put together a sentence i forget how to spell some very easy words my whole grammar in my text has gone and i cant do simple additions and Subtractions, But ive become to cope with it knowing that im loosing allot of ways to process my thoughts. But Recently its becoming Really bad im forgetting Names of people i see every single day, Every day i write a Address on a Letter and ive started forgetting that, I even forgot how to write Hundreds of thousands the other night and also for gettet how to make a multiplication on a calculator, its beginning to scare me immensely to the point where i cry cos i think im loosing it, Its not a nice thing and i seriously believe my Dyspraxia is getting was at a very fast pace.

Tom fod
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Re: Im really Scared

Post by Tom fod »

Hi Simon

I've had definitely had times of feeling like this too. Sometimes it just seems impossible to think straight and that everyone must be judging you and watching your descent. You find yourself thinking i'm just no use to anyone inc myself as even trying to do the simplest things seems to result in disaster. I guess in many ways it could probably be described as a form of panic attack but you're not alone and I'm sure you haven't totally lost it.

While it is by no needs easy you need to try and take a break to clear your mind and allow yourself a chance to get back to thinking properly, not always easy. If you're anything like me you probably set incredibly high standards for yourself and really suffer when you feel you're not achieving them even when most others are perfectly happy.

As for the address have it written down in case you need to refer then if your mind goes blank you have something to copy (or make up some labels).

Losing things tends to send me into a downward spiral!

Hope this helps

Tom
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
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simonlfcgreen
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Re: Im really Scared

Post by simonlfcgreen »

So do you think i should go and see my Doctor cos its been Horrible actualy feel like im going Daft only help i ever had was Speech Theropy because i couldnt talk properly til i was 10 or 11 years old My Dad refused to belive i was dyspraxic so i never got any help Like i say its affected me immensley in life and i feel its about time i started totry and get help the problem is though im in france working, And for personal reasons cant go home for good till the end of the year.
Thanks for the Reply btw.

Jim
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Re: Im really Scared

Post by Jim »

I'm not sure seeing a Doctor would help a great deal in this situation. I take it that you'd already been diagnosed as dysbraxic?

To me it sounds like that the stress of the pressure that you're under at work (much of it generated by yourself) is affecting your ability to cope.

You've already indicated that actually you're a pretty smart invididial and that's important to remember, that you're not stupid nor daft yet you may need a little more time or slack to achieve your goals.

Explain to your boss/tutor/head chef (what ever it is) that you have dyspraxia which (in laymans terms for him) manifests itself as a learning difficulty. It affects your ability to concentrate, interept messages and multitask. Explain that the pressure you feel to complete thing quickly to a high standard is affecting your ability plan and methodise your work.

Then maybe together you can sit down and work out main areas that you struggle and formulate a strategy and working method which you need to learn as second nature

I think one of the largest problems you have is that you expect too much of yourself and this results in you not using the ability that you do have because you're in panic mode too much. You need to take a step back and say "ok, I can't do it like this because x,y&z. But if I can do it my way, it'd still be pretty good!"

That's the positive bit of advice for if a catering career is what you really want for your life, the following paragraphs are a little story about myself.

I used to be an aprentice mechanic, and this was one the worst environments to be in for me. None of my mentor technicians knew I had Dysbraxia, none of them probably even knew what it was. What it's clear they did think is that I was slow, daft, stupid and basically incompetent. They were incapable of appreciating that I had a genuine difficulty that had nothing to with intelligence and were basically just very inpatient with me, condescending, thought I was weak and cack handed and basically had no confidence in me. Looking back it's no wonder why I had no confidence in myself under these conditions. I was slow to learn how to do relatively simple jobs, would forget instructions by the time I'd got to the other end of a car and basically just really struggled to hold any useful information in my head.

I expected too much of myself, I didn't allow for that maybe just maybe I simply wasn't cut out to be a mechanic. I felt stupid, I had even less confidence in myself than the others had in me, my self esteem was none existent. I was utterly miserable and boy was I frightened! I think I got a little too close to mental breakdown, I had already decided by the time the final incident at work happend that I would not be completing my qualifications and would be leaving the job probably around the time that year at collage finished. But in the mantime I had to stay to earn some money. Then one dreadful day when I made some fairly fundamental mistakes because I was putting myself under too much pressure and my mentor mechanic finally lost and I mean really lost his rag with me.. after that I simply could not face going back into work. The management were actually incredibly supportive, I was not sacked, I was actually paid for a couple of months after leaving the job.. but I simply could not subject myself to the torture handed out to me by my immediste colleagues and above all myself any longer.

Now.. That may sound negative and defeatist. But I was moving towards making myself ill. By leaving the job I was coming to terms with the fact that I had some limitations. I learnt an incredible amount about myself and others. A lot of the stress was lifted. The most important thing I learnt was that I alone know what I can or not do, and I will not be forced by peer pressure into things or areas I do not want to be. I know that I'm quite intelligent..even if I sometimes struggle to show it, I know that I'm unlikely to demonstrate my intelligence at an acemdemic level.. But I do know that I can apply method and sense to my everyday life, ultimately it doesn't matter what other people think becausse only I know, and I know enough to get by. :)
“When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore” :whistle:

Ruth
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Re: Im really Scared

Post by Ruth »

HI Simon

Sorry it's so difficult for you at the moment - Did you say you're in France? and are your colleagues english speaking? is this a new kitchen and are you staying in new accomodation?

I too have times when quite frankly I feel completely incompetent and the more angry I get at myself the less able I become and that's me in my own home with no changes to route etc and a great support system on tap. The number of noughts thing gets me too at times! I'm very impressed that can function at all in a professional kitchen - even watching them on telly leaves me feeling light headed!!!

If you're processing lots of new things at once it will make the stuff you already know harder to access!Where they keep th epans - how to get out of the kitchen - what peoples names are - the route home from work etc etc etc is it fair to say that you've got LOADS of new stuff to process?? I

the smashing thing about this web site is that most folks (probably everyone) here will understand because they have the same difficulties.

I think Jims advise regarding talking to work is very good. When I've had to explain my Dyspraxia I've produced a word document with info from the Dyspraxia Foundation and a summary of how I'm affected and the simple measures that help me, all cut and past stuff. I also add links to the dyspraxia foundatin and e-mail it suggesting they might like more information......could you make one of those? Would it need to be in French? Would translation web sites help? I do this because I know I'll get my words in a tangle.

Goo dluck - let us know how you go :ghug:

simonlfcgreen
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Re: Im really Scared

Post by simonlfcgreen »

Well currently i work for Irish Travelers its easy money and its helping me pay of my debts once i have cleared them i will go back to England and concentrate on my Cheffing i miss it immensely. Also an update would be today i forgot my signature again now that cant be normal surely?

Rufus153
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Re: Im really Scared

Post by Rufus153 »

I know what you mean about feeling scared. I have an awful memory but not as bad as you are describing. My dyspraxia seems to manifest itself mainly in the fact that i have very bad falls. You know, broken bones, hospital all the time, whiplash from hitting my head so badly the doctor told me it was a miricle i hadnt broken my neck. I fear for myself all the time. Its in a different way to you, but the end result is the same.
I cant say how good they are, but have you tried Dore? They have a programme that is supposed to help, with some pretty amazing results in alot of cases. Like i said, i havnt tried it, but it could help. Their on google, if you type in Dore-Dyspraxia. Could be worth a shot.
I know what its like to be scared all the time and thats whats good about places like this, You arent alone.

Auron
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Re: Im really Scared

Post by Auron »

I should have read this bofre starting two new threads.

Im in the same boat.

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