socalising

[Alex]

I only go out with friends very occusionally i sometimes enjoy clubbing but sometimes i feel pushed out and most people keep inviting me out but i dont say or do very much because i dont want to make a complete idiot out of myself anyone else find it differcalt to socialise?

[Remus]

I'm not a fan of socialising. I feel I have gotten a lot better recently but I would never go out with friends to a nightclub or to the cinema, just far too concern that I would do something embarrasing.

[Alex]

yh completely aggree with you there i have made a lot of friends at work and they sometimes dont understand why i dont go out at much as they do iam one for doing things alone occusionally do meet up with mates

[Creative]

I don't go out in the evening often exept to the cinema with 2 friends I volunteer with. I wouldn't go clubbing and I find restaurants difficult but I do sometimes go to them.

[Alex]

yh i go out with people from work like u but they sometimes dont understand y i dont go out i hate clubbing plus feel weiard in frount of women because again dont want to make a complete fool of myself in frount of them i went out about 2 yrs ago and hardly spoke because i felt like i was being pushed out of the group

[keiraknightleyfan27]

Ugh, I hate clubbing. Too many people in one confined space. I'm not closterphoebic, but I can't stand all the noise going on. I am an auditory person so I find it hard to concentrate on a conversation when there is a lot of noise going on. I can't tune things out like others. Plus, there's that anxiousness I have around people that tends to get in the way. I'm much better with just a few people around and not so many loud distractions.

[indigo doll]

because of bullying about being introverted, clumsy and odd, i went totally the opposite way and turned into the life of the party for a good few years. drunk, clumsy and odd seemed to work for me. i'm good at meeting new people, less good at sustaining real friendships.

i don't go out much at all anymore, but do still feel pressure to "perform" (be totally focussed on other people, be funny etc) even in one to one scenarios with my best friends. to the extent that if my energy levels are at all low, i'll cancel or duck out of arrangements.

[Alex]

iam due to be going out tommorow night and i thought i better give it a go the good thing is though people understand why i dont go out very much but like you i may go out more often and just have a few drinks i dont like clubbing very much although there is 1 club in guildford i will occsionally go too

[rainbow501]

I can go clubbing an I feel fine, it's just meeting people in groups I get a bit worried about like during the day and even at work or at college can be a nightmare

[Alex]

for only the second time in my life I have been accepted in a group at work which i do like because i get on with alomost everyone i extremely rarely go out which is in the long term bad but i dont know what to say or do when i do go out i hope this makes sense

[Creative]

If I go out with a group of people, which is very rarely then I don't know how to join in conversations. I find it hard to know when is the right time to speak and I lose track of a conversation easily especially when I'm with people that I don't know very well.

[Daniel]

It can certainly be difficult as you may find the types of socialising or the venues that work for you aren't the places friends or peers enjoy. I have difficulties socialising well in large groups and also in places where there's a lot of background noise as I find it very difficult to make out what people are saying above the surrounding chatter. This is supposedly a common thing with people with dyspraxia and is due the thalmus.

On the whole I suspect some people, especially those who don't know me terribly well, may think me dull or boring as I don't chip in on social conversations more. Fortunately I've a good clutch of friends who like to meet up, either just one-on-one or maybe with three of us, in venues we all enjoy and in numbers I manage.

In hindsight I can see that I spent many hours in venues that did me no good at all. Back then I felt the need to fit in and go where everyone else is going. The thing is it may well have been counterproductive.
Now I've more self-confidence I pick and choose which events I go to - or I might go to one and if I find it's just not working then make my excuses and go. If the people are reasonable this won't be a problem. At work we have a range of people from regular heavy drinkers to those who never go out with colleagues, and a full range inbetween. I'm happy to draw the line and being reasonable people (or otherwise too drunk to remember) others are fine with it the next day. I may have missed out on an epic trip home taking many hours and costing £60 in taxi fares, but I suspect I'm none the worse off for that!

In short - reasonable people will let you take part as you want. Ignore peer pressure and go home when you want to. Also look out for those who may be in favour of socialising on a smaller scale that works well for you.

[Alex]

thank you for the reply as you may have read iam a lifeguard which as you can imagine is a very socialable job I get on with akk ne work colleagues they are always out but they understand why i dont make an qpperance out i should do but as you say its wondering in a large group and like you say trying to think of the right thing to say in a conversation i dont mind going to bars i dont like clubbing to much

[strabright]

I am considered to be the life and soul of any social event - a real party animal, a breath of freshair etc

The truth is - like someone posted earlier, I feel I have to be focused on everyone else, keep the party alive, keep people entertained - I think it is a defence/coping mechanism against the real down deep inside feeling that I actually feel quite lost in social situations - so its sink or swim type thing.

I actually get exhausted by it all. so in recent months I have avoided social settings unless I have strong gut feeling and really WANT to go....and thats not often

Instinctively I avoid cinemas - I think it something about the crowds, soaking up different energies or maybe with dyspraxia - its all just more tiring and I just dont realise that

When I was younger - it bothered me more as I felt very anxious going out and also was very lonely at times. Then I grew in confidence in my 20's and went through a few years of wild enough socializing and enjoyed it - with good friends from college and work

Now I am just grumpy old me and do what I feel like - whatever feels good for me.....and I accept the way I am...

But I've made a point of identifying social situations I can enjoy so make sure not to isolate too much....even if its just meeting someone for a coffee at the weekend or a family event another time - whatever

[NobodyElseWill]

I'm okay go clubbing but i always think of better stuff to do at last minute and then regret it ten minutes later or when my mates text me the day after or put their photos up on facebook and there i am sitting at home watching some crappy documentary on the history of door handles or watching some nature documentary. But it's like I automatically stop myself going without realsing.