Hello My Name is Bianca and I was diagnosed with Dyslexia, Dyspraxia & ADHD from the age of 20 in University and I am now 27.
I have suffered from anxiety and depression since I was 5 years old, diagnosed at the age of 18.
Living undiagnosed for so long, I honestly thought everyone was going through what I was and that it was normal. I spent most of my childhood alone and not talking to people out of fear of upsetting someone, not getting my words across or just plain out blank mind or fumbling my words. I didn't have true friends until the end of high school, due to bullying and being a very socially awkward person.
Im introverted so for me growing up I didn't think this was a big deal. And I did adapt and somehow work wise am doing okay, minus the obvious isolation that has meant that I can no longer work.
Referring myself for my second course of CBT(first course was for my insomnia), I came across this forum. I know alot about my dyslexia and Adhd as there is alot of information about it and the average person has heard of these, so there is some understanding around it. So I can be completely honest with people about them and if they don't get it, it's okay cause I get it and I understand it.
But I am still really struggling with communication in groups, articulating what I mean (even 1 on 1), sharing something I have learnt and want to share, coherently. This means I tend to not speak up, become a mute and close off from people. I can't do group situations unless I am not obligated to add to the conversation.
My depression has got so much better over the years but my anxiety is through the roof, especially at the moment.
I'm in a new relationship and it has been 6 months. He loves discussions about different topics and always wants to know my opinion so we can get to know each other better. I love his passion for the topics but as soon as it goes from I'm listening to I need to talk its like my mind is on overload, I become irrational, I say the wrong thing or word and have to re explain myself. Whilst getting flustered and forgetting what point I was trying to make in the first place.
He talks very fast and its like so much information at once plus it can also become a debate where he asks if I agree with his point and if not why don't I agree. By that point I'm already panicking and want an eject button.
I haven't yet broke down and explained all my disorders with him and I'm not sure how to. I'm am worried he will think that I'm using it as an excuse. When I genuinely struggling to explain how I feel, what I'm thinking into word. My dyslexia is really clashing with my dyspraxia.
I also take everything so personally and it genuinely feels like I'm being attacked as the energy of the conversation has hit levels that are very overwhelming for me. Even to a point where I've nearly broke down crying... I haven't yet in this relationship, but pass (very bad) relationships I have.
The only way I can explain it to him is that debates make me very uncomfortable at the best of times and during a pandemic it alot worse. Causing me to get very defensive and my gaurd up.
I know this was very long, so appreciate if you have got this far XD
I'm honestly not sure if I'm looking for advice or just anyone who may relate in some way shape or form. I just want things to make more sense.
I am hoping I can get CBT with someone who has an understanding of dyspraxia and or a combonation of all of the above named.
B
Dyspraxia plus Communication in relationships
Moderator: Moderator Team
Re: Dyspraxia plus Communication in relationships
Hi Bianca and welcome
Dyspraxia and other Neurodivergent conditions sadly do often seem to go hand in hand with anxiety. People seem to have at least heard of Dyslexia and ADHD though their understanding of them can sometimes leave a bit to be desired. I've heard Dyspraxia described as Dyslexia's Bastard Cousin. While we are generally quite intelligent some of the effects like lower self confidence or not being able to find or come out with the right words at the right time can dial up our anxieties. This can often mean we feel under pressure and/or overwhelmed by the amount of info we need to take in and process. The anxiety goes up another notch and we become even more tongue tied or blurt out the wrong thing entirely. This makes us more self-conscious and afraid of getting things wrong and the vicious circle perpetuates.
Add in the pressures and info overload of the current pandemic. Everyone seems to have an opinion and they're not necessarily right or wrong. Anxiety and info overload often take out our memory, especially in emotionally charged situations especially when this causes our minds to race into panic mode.
I guess we should see and sell it as an explanation rather than an 'excuse' and heated debates are not are thing really as we tend to prefer to avoid conflict especially where it almost turns into a competition and we may be thinking this doesn't quite sit right but how can I get my equally valid opinion across with our causing anger/upset.
As we're often big picture thinkers we pick up a lot of info that can easily overcome our threshold. Equally, I think we often have vivid long term memories so certain situations can plunge us into Oh god not this again, this is going bad/down hill very fast.
I only learnt about my being dyspraxic after I'd already had some CBT but while I maybe did not appreciate it at the time I believe it has helped me immensely. I'm not sure to what degree counsellors are aware of dyspraxia but I know at least some are dyspraxic/neurodivergent themselves.
As far as tips I'd look at techniques to recognise the triggers that mean you're going into panic and ways to ground yourself so you can pause and think. Also learn to be kind to yourself and see it as an explanation for why some things are difficult and that it is not you making excuses, though you could say it is a perfectly valid excuse for not liking or performing as well in situations that are difficult/emotionally charged. Another thing is that our dyspraxic and/or ADHD brains can find it difficult to switch to the relaxed state necessary to allow sleep (says I at 01:20am)
Anyway I hope some of the above is helpful to you in terms of understanding and putting into words how dyspraxia and difficult situations affect you.
Dyspraxia and other Neurodivergent conditions sadly do often seem to go hand in hand with anxiety. People seem to have at least heard of Dyslexia and ADHD though their understanding of them can sometimes leave a bit to be desired. I've heard Dyspraxia described as Dyslexia's Bastard Cousin. While we are generally quite intelligent some of the effects like lower self confidence or not being able to find or come out with the right words at the right time can dial up our anxieties. This can often mean we feel under pressure and/or overwhelmed by the amount of info we need to take in and process. The anxiety goes up another notch and we become even more tongue tied or blurt out the wrong thing entirely. This makes us more self-conscious and afraid of getting things wrong and the vicious circle perpetuates.
Add in the pressures and info overload of the current pandemic. Everyone seems to have an opinion and they're not necessarily right or wrong. Anxiety and info overload often take out our memory, especially in emotionally charged situations especially when this causes our minds to race into panic mode.
I guess we should see and sell it as an explanation rather than an 'excuse' and heated debates are not are thing really as we tend to prefer to avoid conflict especially where it almost turns into a competition and we may be thinking this doesn't quite sit right but how can I get my equally valid opinion across with our causing anger/upset.
As we're often big picture thinkers we pick up a lot of info that can easily overcome our threshold. Equally, I think we often have vivid long term memories so certain situations can plunge us into Oh god not this again, this is going bad/down hill very fast.
I only learnt about my being dyspraxic after I'd already had some CBT but while I maybe did not appreciate it at the time I believe it has helped me immensely. I'm not sure to what degree counsellors are aware of dyspraxia but I know at least some are dyspraxic/neurodivergent themselves.
As far as tips I'd look at techniques to recognise the triggers that mean you're going into panic and ways to ground yourself so you can pause and think. Also learn to be kind to yourself and see it as an explanation for why some things are difficult and that it is not you making excuses, though you could say it is a perfectly valid excuse for not liking or performing as well in situations that are difficult/emotionally charged. Another thing is that our dyspraxic and/or ADHD brains can find it difficult to switch to the relaxed state necessary to allow sleep (says I at 01:20am)
Anyway I hope some of the above is helpful to you in terms of understanding and putting into words how dyspraxia and difficult situations affect you.
Last edited by Tom fod on Tue Jan 26, 2021 1:20 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
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Moderator/Administrator
With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
Re: Dyspraxia plus Communication in relationships
Thank yoiu for taking the time to reply to me. I really appreciate it.
Everything you said makes so much sense to me, I understand what you mean completely. Especially the long term memory and a topic being brought up can be effecting me emotionally for extended periods of time.
I will be looking out for these triggers and have spoken to my partner. He is happy for me to mention when I need a break or the discussion is getting too charged. I haven't explained about my dyspraxia but I have explained how I feel if and when it comes up again, after noticing the triggers I will find it alot easier to give a better explanation.
Feeling very grateful to have found this forum
Everything you said makes so much sense to me, I understand what you mean completely. Especially the long term memory and a topic being brought up can be effecting me emotionally for extended periods of time.
I will be looking out for these triggers and have spoken to my partner. He is happy for me to mention when I need a break or the discussion is getting too charged. I haven't explained about my dyspraxia but I have explained how I feel if and when it comes up again, after noticing the triggers I will find it alot easier to give a better explanation.
Feeling very grateful to have found this forum
-
tamariecho3
- New member - welcome them!
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Fri Aug 05, 2022 11:58 am
Re: Dyspraxia plus Communication in relationships
I feel so sorry for you. Spending your entire adult life in a depressed state is very difficult. Do you remember what started your psychological problems? Quite often, childhood traumas provoke the development of various psychological disorders. In such cases, it is very important to identify the problem early in development. The help of a professional psychologist is needed here. At 27, you have too many psychological disorders, which can greatly affect your future life. I still advise you to go to https://aztherapyquest.com/. This psychological counseling center has specialists who can cope with disorders of any severity.