Dyspraxic Adults

Hi! I'm new to the forum and was just wondering if anyone has any good tips for making tidying easier? I'm 19 and normally live at university but when I come home for holidays the state of my room is a massive bone of contention between myself and other family members. I stand in the middle of my room and have no idea where to start, I then get really stressed and panicky about it and I really dont know what to do. Thanks,

Ele

the state of my room is a massive bone of contention between myself and other family members

This sounds exactly like me when I was growing up and also during my time at university! However, no matter how much family members complained about the state of my room, it didn't mean that I was going to be able to just sort it out. When I was doing my PGCE, I also had the misfortune to be sharing a house with an extremely whiney landlord, who thought he had the right to go into my room when I wasn't there, which resulted in him getting a bee in his bonnet about the state of my room. This used to really p%££ me off, as he kept his own door locked, plus I was helping to pay his mortgage. Anyway, no amount of his snide remarks led to me magically being able to keep my room in good order, as me being unable to sort it out would have been caused by visual processing problems in combination with short term memory and planning issues.

The only thing which I can honestly say has led to me being capable of putting my room into some sort of order was attending the DDAT (Dore) programme. I'm not saying you should rush off and sign yourself onto the programme, as it's expensive, but I'm certain that going on this helped me with organisational issues more than anything else I've done. The only other things I can suggest that might help you are perhaps making a list of different categories of things in your room and where they should go. As it is very likely that you have visual processing problems, possibly with short term memory issues, you're not going to be able to tackle it in one go without feeling overwhelmed. So, I suggest that you set yourself a target- for example, you could decide that you're going to start by picking up your clothes and putting them on the bed ready to be put away. You could either then start putting them away or you could take a break, then come back to it afterwards. I think the key to being successful is to do it in steps with (very) regular breaks. You would not even need to have your room sorted all on the same day, but I think you will have to be quite strict with yourself about getting it done, no matter how many days it takes. I know from remembering how I was during my time at university, that there is no way I could have managed to sort out my room in one go- if I tried to do too much at once, my head usually started feeling dizzy, then I would just sit there on the bed feeling overwhelmed by all the things I had to sort.

AlleyCat wrote:I suggest that you set yourself a target- for example, you could decide that you're going to start by picking up your clothes and putting them on the bed ready to be put away.

That's what I do otherwise I just ended up running round in circles, I'd start by picking up things on the floor (DVD for example) put the dvd on the shelf then forget about the floor and start organizing the dvd's

Those are some very good suggestions and it's kind of the way I deal with things without even thinking about it (at least not too hard anyway). It's logical method really. I tend to deal with a pile of random stuff by separating it into sensible piles. E.g clothes on the bed ready to fold & put away, letters in a pile, magazines likewise, rubbish I'm going to throw away into a bag.

It's all about breaking things down into manageable tasks.

Jims right - you need to brake it down into small sections and deal with each one of thies before moving on to the next - i know this is easer said then done and its probably hipoctitical of me saying this.
For me I keep my room tidy as i really cant stand the mess - it really messes with me in a visual and mental way, i have allways liked things in order - i think this may be due to my colecting nature and the way i really like the things i have on display i.e. lava lamps, random funky items etc.

The good news is that when you have tided it its easey to maintain if you keep things where they should be - make time for this and dont just leave one item lying around as it will just buld up.

Yeah it does... My room is a utter sty! Out of sheer laziness if I'm honest.

The kitchen isn't much better, but it's not my mess... Really annoys me trying to work around someome else's clutter.

This is all so comforting to read - I would say you have no idea how much, but you probably do!! I live in constant chaos, no one seems to get how stressed I get when I do try to tidy and how miserable it makes me. I have a problem in that I can't keep on top of the stuff like kitchen and bathroom which get really unhygenic - not good. My paperwork is a mess and so are my lovely clothes, which caused so much stress between me and my mum, and my sister and I when we share a bedrooom.
I live on my own and used to get 'home support' which was a joke. Lovely lady as she was she didn't direct or try to get to the bottom of it or help me draw up a plan of any kind. There was no 'care plan' in place, which there should have been with their organisation - probably because I am intelligent and so able in some very limited ways.
I'm keep to find out more about the programme mentioned and just wanted to say I'm glad I found this! So reassuring!

I can identify with this too, sitting, as I am in the middle of a 'tip'.

Think best way forward is to set yourself and stick to specific tasks in short bursts. So 15 mins picking up sorting and putting away clothes. 15 mins sorting papers into Action This Day Action Next week,Non urgent and Retain as Important.

There was an interesting programme on Ch4 I think called The Hoarder Next Door. I'd maintain I have a fair way to go to be there but I can sympathise and see how things could end up that way.

Time I did some tidying myself!

Hi everyone! Wow it has been amazng finding this sight. At the age of 44 finally I realise there are other people like me - I'm not alone! I've always struggled with a lot of what I've thought of as odd things - particularly odd as I did well at school with English/handwriting/languages etc but struggled big time with finding my way around, tying my shoelaces, just generally organising myself. At my first job they said, we thought you'd do better as you've got A-levels (I couldn't prioritise my work and I remember getting in a total muddle at a book launch where I had to take people's coats in the cloakroom!)

I have great difficulty keeping things tidy. It makes me feel stressed and ill when I start to tidy up. I am desperately trying to declutter my house (so I don't end up on one of those Channel 4 hoarding programmes!) Things aren't quite that bad, but my husband is very tidy and I drive him round the bend! Unlike other wives who nag their husband to put the bin out, and don't know why they can't see things that are right in front of them, with us it's the other way round. He's good at multi-tasking, whereas I have trouble single-tasking!!

I have found that I need verbal instructions for things. So if my husband helps me write a list in detail of what I need to do I can go away and do it, and I'm learning to do it for myself. This sounds a bit strange, but it works for me - when I look around my kitchen and it's in chaos I start at one end and work round to the other. Sometimes I literally have to say out loud "the eggs go in the fridge", "this cup goes in that cupboard" and sometimes I set a kitchen timer to give myself a time limit. I totally lose track of time sometimes. The other day I pleased I'd got a lot and thought good I'm ready - looked down, and thought oh no I'm not dressed yet! It's really hard to explain because outwardly I seem reasonably intelligent and sensible (well most of the time!)

It sounds funny, and I make light of it, but on a bad day I feel such a failure and so depressed. I'm just hoping I can get some help now finally. I spoke to someone at the Dyspraxia Foundation local group on Saturday, she was great, and suggested I ask to be referred to an occupational therapist.

Anyway, I hope everyone gets on OK. I am gradually improving my tidying, but it's a long hard job! I noticed Victoria Biggs had some ideas for tidying in her book "Caged in Chaos". She was only 16 when she wrote it, but I so relate to it!

My housemate is absolutely awesome in this regard, his attitude is he has no problem telling me to do the dishes, or tidy up the communal areas,or air my room and give it a quick tidy, as he understands that I don't see mess. So long as when he asks me to do something I do it!

I tend to find tidying really stressful, particularly if i'm trying to find something i need.

I have always found tidying difficult. Especially placing things to neat piles - I tend to find that I will pile something up and then it will collapse back onto the floor and then I will be faced with doing it again.

I'm always leave jobs half done (I like to TRY to help my boyfriend out at his flat when I stay over) and he has to ask me if I've forgotten anything, a sort of gentle reminder, at which point I have to apologise and go back to whatever it was I was doing before my mind wandered It's no big deal, he never makes a big thing of it and these things are easily rectifiable, just irritating for both me, and him. Just more for me I guess

My trouble is I get distracted far too easily, it's like there's a trip/flip switch thing in my brain, it's instant, all of a sudden I'm thinking ahead to the next job on the 'to-do' list, or what I need to buy when I got to the shops later on that day, or another day later in the week even sometimes, or, I start thinking about/planning my next meal lol!

Then I'll wander off and start doing something else entirely!!

Can anyone else relate to this??

Roxy86 wrote:I'm always leave jobs half done (I like to TRY to help my boyfriend out at his flat when I stay over) and he has to ask me if I've forgotten anything, a sort of gentle reminder, at which point I have to apologise and go back to whatever it was I was doing before my mind wandered It's no big deal, he never makes a big thing of it and these things are easily rectifiable, just irritating for both me, and him. Just more for me I guess

My trouble is I get distracted far too easily, it's like there's a trip/flip switch thing in my brain, it's instant, all of a sudden I'm thinking ahead to the next job on the 'to-do' list, or what I need to buy when I got to the shops later on that day, or another day later in the week even sometimes, or, I start thinking about/planning my next meal lol!

Then I'll wander off and start doing something else entirely!!

Can anyone else relate to this??

I can totally relate to that Roxy I do this all the time. I think one of the problems is the amount of distractions around if only there was someway of limiting them!

My room is actually tidy for once lol but when it is messy i think to myself why should the state of my room matter to anyone else as i sleep in it and nobody else really goes in there. But the one thing that people are NOT allowed to interfere with is my dragon collection and my game consoles