Lives in West London. His view of himself - Writer. Cat lover. Cynic. Pessimist. Introvert. Neurotic. Low self-esteem. MRA. Classic liberal.
Does not drink or smoke
His Facebook message: "So, do you know any single girls that might want to date me, talk me up to them. And, keep it a secret.
I don't want to know, get my hopes up. Please"
Sadly has no confidence due to a lack of speech therapy/self image - stubborn, male pride gets in the way of trying to help himself
Think girls will only go for guys that are really good looking.
32 year old son wants a date, never had a girlfriend
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TeresaM-19
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Re: 32 year old son wants a date, never had a girlfriend
TeresaTeresaM-19 wrote: ↑Sat Jan 16, 2021 4:46 pm Lives in West London. His view of himself - Writer. Cat lover. Cynic. Pessimist. Introvert. Neurotic. Low self-esteem. MRA. Classic liberal.
Does not drink or smoke
His Facebook message: "So, do you know any single girls that might want to date me, talk me up to them. And, keep it a secret.
I don't want to know, get my hopes up. Please"
Sadly has no confidence due to a lack of speech therapy/self image - stubborn, male pride gets in the way of trying to help himself
Think girls will only go for guys that are really good looking.
I sense your frustration with him, as well as his with himself. You naturally and understandably want for him to be happy and fulfilled. Is he a member of this forum or any of the Facebook-based Dyspraxia Groups? What if he stumbles across this post and realises this is about him . . . ?
Sadly many of us are materialistic and the long-held attitudes and messages about men having to be providers, drive a car, have a wife and 2.4 children really put a lot of additional and/or unnecessary) pressure on us. That's in addition to all the pressure we put on ourselves trying to conform to the so often unrealistic ideal of what we should/must conform to. It's bloody difficult but he really is not alone! I'm v much in the same boat and while I've done ok/well in some areas of my life, meeting the right lady has sadly not happened for me either and I'm older.
Now, in the middle of a Pandemic, is possibly not a fruitful time to be on dating sites. Furthermore, I definitely found they made me heap undue pressure on myself. I would say avoid the dating sites, or at least don't pin all one's hopes on them. Work on and learn to like yourself first. People on such sites are sadly rather fickle and so often looking for an ideal that doesn't exist. It's especially difficult right now for loads of people especially those of us who are neurodivergent and who are viewed as different by both ourselves and others. The trick is finding a way to stand out to the right person/people in the right way at the right time and while we can look for opportunities we can't always spot or take advantage of them. Definitely stay away from the Incel Bull sh*t! Talk to other Dyspraxic folk but be very aware we're all individuals with our own unique view and path. I would definitely say Look for generic mental Health support and be aware there isn't a lot of formal dyspraxia-speciic support out there but he can and will get there with the right support if he learns to be kinder to himself.
As. a writer and a creative type he as a good chance of fitting in, the difficult part is gaining the confidence to fully believe that and so stepping outside our comfort zones to be our best selves.
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
Moderator/Administrator
With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
Re: 32 year old son wants a date, never had a girlfriend
Your description of your son was me at 18. (Well, writing came later.)
My big tip for him is to go looking for friends that share his interests. That's precisely how I met my girlfriend (13 years and going strong), and is a lot more healthy than looking for pity dates. He'll never feel good about himself if he thinks his first relationship was someone taking pity on him. And starting as friends means you have shared interests, which is vital to a healthy relationship.
As for whether he will want to try or not - in his shoes, I was horribly depressed and found happiness by accident, but I still had to make an effort to get out there and talk to people. Hard as an introvert, but it's a step he needs to take. And as an aside, if he has never been checked for depression, he should be checked. Yes, you can have that mindset and be perfectly happy, but Dyspraxics are especially prone to depression, and he'll be a lot more approachable if he is happy in his own skin (which I suspect he isn't right now.) And while depression treatment doesn't negate being an introvert or pessimist, it does help when you don't have that nagging feeling that you aren't good enough.
My big tip for him is to go looking for friends that share his interests. That's precisely how I met my girlfriend (13 years and going strong), and is a lot more healthy than looking for pity dates. He'll never feel good about himself if he thinks his first relationship was someone taking pity on him. And starting as friends means you have shared interests, which is vital to a healthy relationship.
As for whether he will want to try or not - in his shoes, I was horribly depressed and found happiness by accident, but I still had to make an effort to get out there and talk to people. Hard as an introvert, but it's a step he needs to take. And as an aside, if he has never been checked for depression, he should be checked. Yes, you can have that mindset and be perfectly happy, but Dyspraxics are especially prone to depression, and he'll be a lot more approachable if he is happy in his own skin (which I suspect he isn't right now.) And while depression treatment doesn't negate being an introvert or pessimist, it does help when you don't have that nagging feeling that you aren't good enough.