My partner of almost 2 years was diagnosed with dyslraxia during uni, long before we met. I dont know a lot about it other than the clumsiness and difficulty with sport and coordination. It wasnt a huge deal when he told me at first.
Fast forward to this last couple months. He got a job in another county and I happily moved with him, living together for the first time just shy of our 1st year anniversary. It felt right and we have otherwise had a good experience.
Over the last few months though things have changed. He was getting stressed with work and was signed off some time in February. During this period he was given medication for depression and anxiety which at first helped though not much as he was still feeling low at work. It is a demanding job and he isn't great at communicating how he feels at the best of times but this was hard to see him suffer and not know how to help him.
He is getting worse and his paranoia is pushing a lot of people away. I'm worried its going to have a detrimental effect on our relationship in the long run. We have our ups and downs and I hope we can see through it but I am struggling to understand is needs.
Any help or advice would be appreciated, especially concerning how to approach the subject of his feelings so we can get him the help and support he needs.
I think it's safe to say that depression is relatively common for Dyspraxics. I myself was depressed from a very young age until my early twenties. However, when I was getting treatment, my first medication did nothing, so that is probably the first place to look, if he has been on it for a significant time with no positive change. I was also in therapy, which did help.
For the rest, support helps. I can't remember how bad my paranoia got, but treatment and constant reassurance from my partner made all the difference. I wish I had more advice to offer, but I can only lean on my own experiences, so I couldn't tell you how to help with a stressful work environment.
Dyspraxia is a difficult beast to explain so you can feel very isolated and even stupid because of it. Sadly other people often don't have a lot of understanding or empathy and it can be very difficult to ask for or explain the help and support we need, since dyspraxia can make it difficult to come up with and actually say the right words in the right order. So often we fear asking for help will be interpreted as a lack of competence or ability and that it would be foolhardy to admit weakness.
What is his boss like and/or does he have access to some kind of employee welfare service. Has he spoken to Occupational Health, his GP or even colleagues about his struggles/have they noticed?
Tom
Moderator/Administrator
With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
He got a job in another county and I happily moved with him, living together for the first time just shy of our 1st
Do you mean county or country? If country then wow, he is much more capable than me since I can't live independently in either another county or country on my own.
I also moved to another country to be with someone - love is a powerful motivator.
Unsolved, a piece of advice, in case any of the stories here make you feel inadequate or out of place - we aren't all affected in the same way. Some of us are high functioning, some of us less so. Some can drive, live alone, manage money, play a sport, while just as many of us cannot. Never let what someone else can do make you feel bad about yourself. Whether you know it or not, you have some kind of talent that would make someone else envious - I've been in that position myself, even as recently as Friday night. A group of friends invited me to an online game where you take turns drawing, and everyone else has to guess what it is. My ability to draw is absolutely pathetic, so I missed out on points every time I drew something, yet my guessing ability is outstanding - I ended up winning that game, despite my shortcomings.
So don't measure yourself against others. Each of us is crooked, and trying to measure us can have many different answers.
I absolutely echo Xenavire's point. While we have a natural tendency to do so, comparing ourselves to others does not help us.
Celebrate and develop what you're good at whilst being aware of and looking for ways to improve your coping strategies for taking on things that are more challenging.
Tom
Moderator/Administrator
With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
