I feel, as people with Dyspraxia, are known to be intuitive and empathetic,, we can invite the wrong people into our lives. I'm usually, a good judge of character.
I was in a relationship with someone that exhibited narcissistic traits. They wanted to be in a relationship with me rather quickly but were trying to gauge, if I would meet their requirements, before asking me to be their partner. Whenever, they spoke to me online, they gave me the silent treatment, if they didn't like the direction the conversation was going. In a phrase, making mountains out of molehills. I ignored their silent treatment and they come back with sorry after a few hours.
I'm not going to go into all details but I felt like they were unsupportive of my emotions and excused their own actions. They didn't practise what they preached either. They'd focus on talking about a particular past relationship a lot, in a negative way and get stressed. They were on their phone frequently, even in my company and yet commented how rude it was, of people to do that.
I definitely, pointed out truths, they didn't want to hear, as they avoid their problems. Gave them a self help book.
The relationship ended abruptly, I decided I had enough. Since then, conversation has been very limited to none now. It has been a stressful part of my life and to deal with once they were gone, as they were playing silly games.
I wanted to know, if anyone that has dyspraxia has been in a relationship with a narcissist, how they dealt and felt during the time and after it was no more.
I felt like I dealt with my relentless narc well, even when they were relentless about something.
Relationship with a Narcissist
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KirbyKitty
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Re: Relationship with a Narcissist
I hope you don't mind me trying a reply -
I'm - I'm not entirely sure what I am, but probably diverse enough not to find my dyspraxic boyfriend too much to worry about.
His mum has severe OCD and is a narcissistic mother. So while the mother-son dynamic is admittedly quite different to a romantic relationship, there may be some parallels, I wonder. Narcissists aren't good for anyone, but I wonder if it's particularly eek when you're dyspraxic (it's certainly very eek if they're your parent 'cos you can't really get away from it!)
As you say, people with dyspraxia can be great at emoting the feelings of others. In my experience of my boyfriend, he seems to feel what I'm feeling in his bones. So it's different from being able to perceive what's going on - sometimes we know what someone else feels, but can judge that maybe they are wrong to feel that in the given situation (sounds harsh, but I'm thinking of his mum who has a nuclear reaction the second she doesn't get her own way, every single time, on a weekly basis if necessary. so I mean she's wrong, because she accuses him of not loving her, when he's a very attentive and caring son. She has her reasons, but her assessment of the situation and his feelings is badly wrong)
I would say my boyfriend doesn't know on an intellectual level, perceiving from actions and words and expressions what someone else is feeling, and make a judgement based on what's going on - it all seems much more visceral. I really feel like he feels the disappointment/anger/sadness in someone else. He immediately becomes just as emotional or more so than someone who is upset with him. It's an area I'm still learning to understand - and I'd really love to hear anyone's input on that - I'm not entirely sure either, whether it is a more instinctive response and that's why it seems more visceral and less subject to reflection, or if it's just that he finds the situation so deeply troubling that he gets upset of on his own account... I'm not sure. Love to hear any reflections...
He's unassessed at the moment, so we're still working on arming him with the techniques to help with a lot of what's going on.
But, when I think about what narcissists do: giving you the cold shoulder and mean treatment the second you don't do as they wish and punishing any perceived slight or misbehaviour - for someone who emotes very deeply it must be like narcissism-plus. The situation when his mum has an OCD/narcissist moment reduces my boyfriend to tears and almost always just the thought of interacting with his mum makes him nervous, to the extent of getting cold and clammy when he needs to phone her - he's always terrified of the next episode, and he can never really find the way to deal with it. If that answers how it makes him feel. And I find her pretty lairy too - but it doesn't affect me the same. Not my mum, although maybe mum-in-law at some point, heavens preserve us! She hates me because she likes people that are afraid of her. Not that you'd know it, from the way she treats them.
So blooming good on you for putting them in their place! and feel better [hug]
I hope I might be able to share some experience as time goes by - and hear some advice from others too.
At the moment, we're working with basically giving his mum what she wants, but more on his terms, so maybe altering times and activities, but not withdrawing the weekly contact she demands - he has found this absolutely nerve-shredding and it's heart-breaking to watch too.
I guess anyone with an issue like narcissism has a problem, and maybe they haven't been lucky enough to find help and advice. (maybe they're just incorrigible!) so if you need to make the relationship work, you'd have to embark on the long project to actively help them, knowing that they'll resist the heck out of it. Narcissists are very afraid a lot of the time. They just tend to externalise it into being "your problem" - it's ugly as anything, but it's rooted in fear and self-loathing that they'll find very hard to realise.
I'm - I'm not entirely sure what I am, but probably diverse enough not to find my dyspraxic boyfriend too much to worry about.
His mum has severe OCD and is a narcissistic mother. So while the mother-son dynamic is admittedly quite different to a romantic relationship, there may be some parallels, I wonder. Narcissists aren't good for anyone, but I wonder if it's particularly eek when you're dyspraxic (it's certainly very eek if they're your parent 'cos you can't really get away from it!)
As you say, people with dyspraxia can be great at emoting the feelings of others. In my experience of my boyfriend, he seems to feel what I'm feeling in his bones. So it's different from being able to perceive what's going on - sometimes we know what someone else feels, but can judge that maybe they are wrong to feel that in the given situation (sounds harsh, but I'm thinking of his mum who has a nuclear reaction the second she doesn't get her own way, every single time, on a weekly basis if necessary. so I mean she's wrong, because she accuses him of not loving her, when he's a very attentive and caring son. She has her reasons, but her assessment of the situation and his feelings is badly wrong)
I would say my boyfriend doesn't know on an intellectual level, perceiving from actions and words and expressions what someone else is feeling, and make a judgement based on what's going on - it all seems much more visceral. I really feel like he feels the disappointment/anger/sadness in someone else. He immediately becomes just as emotional or more so than someone who is upset with him. It's an area I'm still learning to understand - and I'd really love to hear anyone's input on that - I'm not entirely sure either, whether it is a more instinctive response and that's why it seems more visceral and less subject to reflection, or if it's just that he finds the situation so deeply troubling that he gets upset of on his own account... I'm not sure. Love to hear any reflections...
He's unassessed at the moment, so we're still working on arming him with the techniques to help with a lot of what's going on.
But, when I think about what narcissists do: giving you the cold shoulder and mean treatment the second you don't do as they wish and punishing any perceived slight or misbehaviour - for someone who emotes very deeply it must be like narcissism-plus. The situation when his mum has an OCD/narcissist moment reduces my boyfriend to tears and almost always just the thought of interacting with his mum makes him nervous, to the extent of getting cold and clammy when he needs to phone her - he's always terrified of the next episode, and he can never really find the way to deal with it. If that answers how it makes him feel. And I find her pretty lairy too - but it doesn't affect me the same. Not my mum, although maybe mum-in-law at some point, heavens preserve us! She hates me because she likes people that are afraid of her. Not that you'd know it, from the way she treats them.
So blooming good on you for putting them in their place! and feel better [hug]
I hope I might be able to share some experience as time goes by - and hear some advice from others too.
At the moment, we're working with basically giving his mum what she wants, but more on his terms, so maybe altering times and activities, but not withdrawing the weekly contact she demands - he has found this absolutely nerve-shredding and it's heart-breaking to watch too.
I guess anyone with an issue like narcissism has a problem, and maybe they haven't been lucky enough to find help and advice. (maybe they're just incorrigible!) so if you need to make the relationship work, you'd have to embark on the long project to actively help them, knowing that they'll resist the heck out of it. Narcissists are very afraid a lot of the time. They just tend to externalise it into being "your problem" - it's ugly as anything, but it's rooted in fear and self-loathing that they'll find very hard to realise.