Long term relationships ...... and sex!

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Lynn
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Long term relationships ...... and sex!

Post by Lynn »

I haven’t been formally diagnosed yet, but stumbled across this site, and it’s possible that someone here could really help me be at ease with myself.
I’ve had quite a few boyfriends, and always been keen to develop the sexual sides to these relationship. Like really keen! I married my first husband after just 6 months of dating, and from from our wedding night onwards, sex was not a priority. I couldn’t be bothered! Somehow, we managed to have 2 kids, even though we were basically in a sexless marriage. Eventually, our marriage broke down and a while later I remarried.
Initially, as before, sex was great and I was willing to explore lots of possibilities, but after about 1 year, couldn’t really be bothered. I love my husband, and we are still together 15 years on, but my lack if sexual desire or need for bodily contact is a real problem.
Could this be down to dyspraxia? At the moment I feel that I am literally the only woman on earth who doesn’t want to have sex.
Tom fod
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Re: Long term relationships ...... and sex!

Post by Tom fod »

Hi Lynne

The simple answer is that it's not really known. There is not a lot of research carried out into dyspraxia and often it is not the only factor in play. If you search the 14 years of posts to this forum, the subject has been broached before. Some Dyspraxics have other coexisting conditions, or traits of other conditions, this can include a dislike of being touched.

I'm feeling the urge the google the term Dyspraxic Sex Therapist but not sure I'd get many results. The Dyspraxic Doctor website may have something.
(Please see the list I referred to in my other response) http://www.dyspraxicadults.org.uk/forum ... =13&t=7385
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
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Lynn
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Re: Long term relationships ...... and sex!

Post by Lynn »

Thanks, but more googling I think :)
Tom fod
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Re: Long term relationships ...... and sex!

Post by Tom fod »

Be cautious
There is a prevalence of inaccurate and alarmist rubbish on sites such as Medical News Today.
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
Dyspraxicsboyfriend.
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Re: Long term relationships ...... and sex!

Post by Dyspraxicsboyfriend. »

"At the moment I feel that I am literally the only woman on earth who doesn’t want to have sex."

I promise you Lynn your not me and my girlfriend are going through something similar right now, as Tom said it's not clear and there's not a lot of information out there. Our case is probably different to yours as I'm on the autistic spectrum. So a lot of ours is probably caused by me being emotionally immature.
However as someone who has difficulty with initiating physical contact I can say that it manifests very differently for me and my girlfriend with me it's a strong reaction often accompanied by a flinch, for my girlfriend it's more that she just doesn't have a libido. has no problem with touch, but just doesn't feel the desire to have sex.
We found that setting aside scheduled time for us to be intimate with each other has really helped, so every Friday we lie in bed together for an hour and talk and touch and cuddle, sometimes we have sex sometimes we don't that's completely up to my partner.

For me the hardest part of the whole situation was feeling like she just didn't want me. Obviously I can't speak for your husband but it probably won't hurt if your extracomplentary for a while let him know that you still appreciate him and maybe tell him that you understand that this is hard for him and that you appreciate his patience.

Anyway good luck with it, sorry I couldn't offer any resources, but I just thought I'd let you know your not alone in this.
Jette
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Re: Long term relationships ...... and sex!

Post by Jette »

I know this post is quite old already -
Have you ever heard of asexuality? It is a term describing a spectrum of lack of sexual or even romantic desire. Something which is a lot more common than one might think. Hope this helps :)
Tom fod
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Re: Long term relationships ...... and sex!

Post by Tom fod »

Hi Jette

Yes I have heard of it. Some folk do seem to lean that way.I'm the opposite though I have not really seen or seized opportunities.

I'm also aware of the LoveShy and Incel communities. I'm not a fan or proponent of the latter.
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
SelmaAdam
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Re: Long term relationships ...... and sex!

Post by SelmaAdam »

Am also aware of the involuntary celibate those usually refered to as Incel
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