"Does anyone else have a hard time keeping friends?"

[Andrew_S_Hatton]

Please excuse me for starting a thread with a topic that will be familiar to many members.

This is a question asked in a Facebook Dyspraxia Forum and so far it has attracted a lot of responses.


Initially I answered thus: -

"I have given up trying."

AND I had a response from a different person saying: -

"I’m at this point"

To which I replied: -

"In a way it is worse than that;

I even avoid those who contact me.

I am the problem, not anyone else but, at seventy one, I just find life easier to have as little to do with others face to face.


I am fed up trying to constrain myself or dealing with the consequences of not constraining myself."

Which had this response from another different person: -

"Same here"

Then there were several other comments before I added: -

"The comments here show why it is good for us adult dyspraxics to meet together face to face AND when we do to be very tolerant of the others.

Additionally or alternatively we can use online forums. I particularly dislike Facebook for a number of reasons but admit have not myself used the best alternative now available now Yahoo have almost stopped the original Dyspraxia Yahoo Group memebers accessing the website as I first did in 2001.

So maybe give this a try.

https://www.dyspraxicadults.org.uk/ "

Maybe some will and want to carry on with the topic - or maybe you have something to add, perhaps that will help an old misery like me who is determined to stay home at least for the present - I have kept it up for almost a year now and rarely miss going out.

[Tom fod]

Is it our poor self esteem and long and vivid memory of where it has gone badly wrong in previous instances?

Engaging with other Dyspraxics in Facebook groups is generally positive but there can be some quite nasty flare ups where someone broaches a sensitive topic or question awkwardly or makes a contentious comment. For instance, Neurotypical parents who make comments about Dyspraxia being on the autistic spectrum or are disparaging/insulting towards their dyspraxic/ND children can be torn asunder.

If a number of dyspraxic folk who disagree fundamentally about something, it can very often lead to fire and fury! I think we sometimes react rather than pause to consider before responding,. You're forced to on here and I feel that is an advantage, given the fact I very rarely have to step in to calm things on here.

Are we more prone to be overly defensive? Are we too often most imatient with ourselves/those we're closest to?

[Xenavire]

I'm no different, yet I am. I don't have friends anymore, except in the very broadest sense. I have always been a person that puts extreme amounts of themself into friendships, and after being betrayed, abandoned, and let down repeatedly, I decided it wasn't worth my time anymore.

I have a deep and meaningful relationship with my girlfriend, complete with plans for the future and everything that entails, and thanks to that, I haven't missed or regretted having no close friends. Investing in one person is enough for me.

So rather than let myself be a magnet for a special kind of pathetic person, I make a conscious decision to avoid people getting too close yo me for the sake of my mental and emotional wellbeing. And whilst I can't advise it for everyone, it has done me a world of good, I'm much less stressed out.

I guess my perspective won't be helpful, but to sum up - having friends isn't vital as long as you have other ways to have close interpersonal relationships. At least, that's been my experience.

[Andrew_S_Hatton]

Thanks to Tom and Xenavire for replying.

I had not subscribed to this thread - although actually I believed that I had automatically subscribed by replying but that is not the case.

To be sure of having any replies emailed I now realise, that I need to scroll to the bottom of my post and ✓.

====================================

I guess the critical thing is not to be completely socially isolated or withdrawn - I too am fortunate to have a long time live in companion - we will have done 50 years in just two months - or at least to be comfortable with the relationships that we have.

========================================

It seems my facebook post did niot prompt others to visit this thread.

I wish I could replace facebook for most purposes.