Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

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Jim
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Re: Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

Post by Jim »

Dan wrote: Tue May 08, 2018 5:47 pmAlso, it has been argued before that ASD may have been useful for evolution due to discoveries being made by high functioning autistic people.
Indeed, it is suspected that some of history’s most revered geniuses, Einstein, Da Vinci etc would have been somewhere on the neuro diversity spectrum.

I imagine, sometimes people are predisposed to unusually strong talents when their perspective on the world is different from the norms.
“When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore” :whistle:
Trish
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Re: Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

Post by Trish »

I think this will depend how your dyspraxia affects you. My ex partner has dyspraxia and so does my son. Whilst my ex could physically cope, he just didn’t want to. My ex can’t handle the noise or chaos of children. The majority of parenting fell to me and essentially it broke down our relationship. Parenting is a joint effort. Reading bedtime stories, feeding every 40 minutes in the early days (this doesn’t just fall to the mum) socialising with other kids and parents, taking kids to sports etc, having fun times and making your children feel secure and happy, being a good role model. Being financially secure (children cost a lot of money!) My ex just couldn’t handle it all. He would go out if there was any noise and essentially absent.

For me, I was never scared of having children. If you are, I’d say you need to really be sure before you have any.

You have to both desire to have kids otherwise it’s not fair on your partner or kids.

My son is 16 but already I see similar traits. He couldn’t cope with other children’s tantrums, the noise, it is a 24/7 job! However one of my friends is dyspraxic and she can cope because her dyspraxia affects her in a different way and can cope with the noise and everything else that comes with kids.
Tom fod
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Re: Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

Post by Tom fod »

Trish wrote: Thu Jun 11, 2020 9:32 am I think this will depend how your dyspraxia affects you. My ex partner has dyspraxia and so does my son. Whilst my ex could physically cope, he just didn’t want to. My ex can’t handle the noise or chaos of children. The majority of parenting fell to me and essentially it broke down our relationship. Parenting is a joint effort. Reading bedtime stories, feeding every 40 minutes in the early days (this doesn’t just fall to the mum) socialising with other kids and parents, taking kids to sports etc, having fun times and making your children feel secure and happy, being a good role model. Being financially secure (children cost a lot of money!) My ex just couldn’t handle it all. He would go out if there was any noise and essentially absent.

For me, I was never scared of having children. If you are, I’d say you need to really be sure before you have any.

You have to both desire to have kids otherwise it’s not fair on your partner or kids.

My son is 16 but already I see similar traits. He couldn’t cope with other children’s tantrums, the noise, it is a 24/7 job! However one of my friends is dyspraxic and she can cope because her dyspraxia affects her in a different way and can cope with the noise and everything else that comes with kids.
Trish

Principally We exist as community and space for Dyspraxic adults to chat to each other and learn.

We are generally all too perfectly aware of our own faults and our difficulty fitting in, so your post regrettably could be taken badly by some here.

In light of Xenavira's response I've softened my original response. I don't think it is fair to generalise that men with Dyspraxia are necessarily going to be bad fathers, we are just as much the product of our upbringing and influences. Communication is key and we need to meet and be met halfway by our neurotypical partners and work together to find strategies to help us cope and share responsibilities. Having no desire to try is rarely a Dyspraxic trait.

Thank you
Last edited by Tom fod on Fri Jun 12, 2020 2:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Tom
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Xenavire
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Re: Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

Post by Xenavire »

Perhaps there should be a specific portion of the forums dedicated to that type of discussion? I don't see why we can't offer help and advice, especially when children with Dyspraxia may someday need to use this forum themselves, and their parents may be able to do more to help them in the meantime with our help.

Just an idea. I know that my own mother could have really used a place like this when I was younger.
Trish
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Re: Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

Post by Trish »

Hello Tom,

Apologies that my post came across badly. I was in fact not trying to generalise but to point out that there is such a wide range of differences between dyspraxics so dealing with a dyspraxic child or any child yourself may depend on how your dyspraxia affects you.

I am not in any way saying people with dyspraxia cannot be good parents and I actually wasnt saying that of my ex either. He is a wonderful person but he can’t cope with noise and so to my children he often comes across as if he is uninterested. This isn’t the case but it can seem this way.
Many people do not realise the reality of being a parent. There is a lot to consider when having children whether you have dyspraxia or not so it definitely has to be something you want, not just for your partners desire to have children.
Trish
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Re: Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

Post by Trish »

Xenavire wrote: Fri Jun 12, 2020 4:55 pm Perhaps there should be a specific portion of the forums dedicated to that type of discussion? I don't see why we can't offer help and advice, especially when children with Dyspraxia may someday need to use this forum themselves, and their parents may be able to do more to help them in the meantime with our help.

Just an idea. I know that my own mother could have really used a place like this when I was younger.
I would definitely benefit from this as would my ex partner. Tom has suggested to me in another post that there may be forums that parents can join and my son. I will look into these. Thank you.
Tom fod
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Re: Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

Post by Tom fod »

Trish wrote: Sat Jun 13, 2020 7:00 am Hello Tom,

Apologies that my post came across badly. I was in fact not trying to generalise but to point out that there is such a wide range of differences between dyspraxics so dealing with a dyspraxic child or any child yourself may depend on how your dyspraxia affects you.

I am not in any way saying people with dyspraxia cannot be good parents and I actually wasnt saying that of my ex either. He is a wonderful person but he can’t cope with noise and so to my children he often comes across as if he is uninterested. This isn’t the case but it can seem this way.
Many people do not realise the reality of being a parent. There is a lot to consider when having children whether you have dyspraxia or not so it definitely has to be something you want, not just for your partners desire to have children.
Hi Trish

Thank you for your clarification and assurances. Apologies for being short with you. It clearly wasn't warranted.
At other times, I've had to deal with other parents and non-dyspraxic partners who have been much less understanding or complimentary so thank you for your measured response.

As you are no doubt are aware, we can be prone to being super stubborn and blunt. Stuff we hear can go in one ear and out the other. We can also be apt to jump to the wrong conclusions. There can be furious rows in Facebook Groups where Neuro Typical parents and adult dyspraxics clash over misunderstandings or innocently put but regrettably clumsily phrased wording.

Even as a Dyspraxic community, we are hugely diverse. I believe Charles De Gaulle once said "how do you govern a nation that produces 300 types of cheese. I think it is also true of Dyspraxics and NeuroDivergent and Neurotypical folk too.

Quite a number of Dyspraxics struggle with sensory overload, so a deluge of information; the noises of a busy household on a fraught day means some guys (Dyspraxic or otherwise) just want to disappear. Hopefully not permanently or to the pub to later return drunk and unreasonable!

Have you had chance to look through the resource list?
https://www.dyspraxicadults.org.uk/foru ... =13&t=7385
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
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