Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

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Davie232
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Re: Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

Post by Davie232 »

Dan wrote:
Whilst learning disabilities do have a hereditary factor, Dyspraxia is definitely not a dominant gene, so the chances are likely 25% or under. Also, it has been argued before that ASD may have been useful for evolution due to discoveries being made by high functioning autistic people.

I've always wanted kids, so I find the idea that we shouldn't have them due to the chances of our condition being passed on sad and I totally disagree with the notion. Still, I respect anybody's decision on whether or not they would like to have children, of course.
As I've said before on this forum, I rather not pass on my Dyspraxia to the next gen. While I know there is a chance it wouldn't get passed on. But I think everyone would agree here. That if we all had kids then we would want them to grow up without the struggles we had.

Ram
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Re: Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

Post by Ram »

Davie232 wrote:
Dan wrote:
Whilst learning disabilities do have a hereditary factor, Dyspraxia is definitely not a dominant gene, so the chances are likely 25% or under. Also, it has been argued before that ASD may have been useful for evolution due to discoveries being made by high functioning autistic people.

I've always wanted kids, so I find the idea that we shouldn't have them due to the chances of our condition being passed on sad and I totally disagree with the notion. Still, I respect anybody's decision on whether or not they would like to have children, of course.
As I've said before on this forum, I rather not pass on my Dyspraxia to the next gen. While I know there is a chance it wouldn't get passed on. But I think everyone would agree here. That if we all had kids then we would want them to grow up without the struggles we had.
I can see merit in both of your perspectives here. I suspect a lot depends on the extent of the dyspraxia that you have. Some dyspraxic people are comparatively mild cases who with a bit of extra effort can do virtually everything that 'normal' people can do. These people probably feel no hesitation in having kids than any other people if they want them.

There are, however, other dyspraxic people (hopefully a minority) whose condition is severe enough to make all aspects of their daily life a major struggle despite their efforts. It is understandable if dyspraxics in this situation are hesitant about having children since they might feel doubtful about their ability to take care of them, (irrespective of whether the condition is passed on) especially if they do not have an extended family to help them out.

Overall, I would never want to be the judge and hury about this. All any individual can do is think carefully about the question and make a decision on his or her own terms. Since I'm no lover of kids, my dyspraxia has never been a factor in my decision to be childless!

Davie232
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Re: Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

Post by Davie232 »

Ram wrote:
Davie232 wrote:
As I've said before on this forum, I rather not pass on my Dyspraxia to the next gen. While I know there is a chance it wouldn't get passed on. But I think everyone would agree here. That if we all had kids then we would want them to grow up without the struggles we had.
I can see merit in both of your perspectives here. I suspect a lot depends on the extent of the dyspraxia that you have. Some dyspraxic people are comparatively mild cases who with a bit of extra effort can do virtually everything that 'normal' people can do. These people probably feel no hesitation in having kids than any other people if they want them.

There are, however, other dyspraxic people (hopefully a minority) whose condition is severe enough to make all aspects of their daily life a major struggle despite their efforts. It is understandable if dyspraxics in this situation are hesitant about having children since they might feel doubtful about their ability to take care of them, (irrespective of whether the condition is passed on) especially if they do not have an extended family to help them out.

Overall, I would never want to be the judge and hury about this. All any individual can do is think carefully about the question and make a decision on his or her own terms. Since I'm no lover of kids, my dyspraxia has never been a factor in my decision to be childless!
For me, it's not about the extent of the Dyspraxia I have. I simply don't wish to pass it on.
Apparently so. But suppose you throw a coin enough times......suppose one day, it lands on its edge. (Said by Kain in Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver 2)

ALADDIN
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Re: Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

Post by ALADDIN »

I would say I was in the middle. I can do most things, but it requires more effort, especially if I am not in the best frame of mind.

I cannot do some things.

Having a child, born to a father who is over 40 and has no disability has a bigger risk of ASD.

I think, a child, born to a father who is over 40 and has a disability is much higher.

See,

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/artic ... d-why.html

This is why I don't want children.

I am so scared of having a "disabled autistic child" or child with another disability.

Goggzy60
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Re: Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

Post by Goggzy60 »

I have a 8 year old daughter who luckily doesn't have any Form of dyspraxia. I actually didn't find out about her until she was 2 as her mother had no contact information for me as I was stupid and move to Spain just over a month before her birth, also her mother couldn't contact me herself which I can believe she may have been able to find a way but she had a stroke at 5 months pregnant. My daughter is my princess and so glad to have her in my life.

Tom fod
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Re: Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

Post by Tom fod »

ALADDIN wrote:
Thu May 10, 2018 10:14 am
I would say I was in the middle. I can do most things, but it requires more effort, especially if I am not in the best frame of mind.

I cannot do some things.

Having a child, born to a father who is over 40 and has no disability has a bigger risk of ASD.

I think, a child, born to a father who is over 40 and has a disability is much higher.

See,

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/artic ... d-why.html

This is why I don't want children.

I am so scared of having a "disabled autistic child" or child with another disability.
There is a risk in everything. I think society needs more people with disabilities to stand up and say we're human too and can make an equally valuable contribution.

Please note that the Daily Mail is a vile and obscene publication (IMHO)
Tom
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Xenavire
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Re: Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

Post by Xenavire »

I plan to not have children, and Dyspraxia is a contributing factor to that decision.

However, it goes a lot deeper. There are numerous inherited conditions on my father's side and a few on my mothers. My girlfriend is in the same boat, as well as being a premature baby herself, which increases the danger of having a premature child, as well as the risk of complications in general. In short, the absolute mess of what we could pass down (assuming it doesn't kill her to carry the baby) could lead to an abysmal quality of life.

It's a matter of kindness - why take the risk of bringing an eternally miserable person into this world?

And even in the best case scenario, I don't believe I would make a good father.

Also, for what it's worth - I've never been influenced by any "vile or obscene publications." It's a choice completely my own, and I wouldn't force anyone to make the same choice.

reyes
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Re: Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

Post by reyes »

I wouldn't want to pass my genes on to anyone. seriously!!!

Tom fod
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Re: Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

Post by Tom fod »

I haven't had the opportunity to and I'm getting on in years. Been Onanism all the way for me

:evilb:
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

Xenavire
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Re: Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

Post by Xenavire »

TMI Tom, TMI. :lol:

Seriously though, that brings up a good point - how many of us have actually managed to keep a meaningful relationship long enough for it to be an issue? I'm certainly one that has had to stop and think about it, but I realise that the relationship section of the forums is rarely seeing posts about success stories. Not that they don't happen of course.

On that note, I hope that anyone looking has some good luck.

RenegadeDyspraxic
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Re: Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

Post by RenegadeDyspraxic »

At the moment I am single, 36 and don’t have any kids.
Do I want Kids? A good question and the older I get, the more I do find myself wanting children. Yet to be honest I don’t know if this is because of societies expectations that I should be settling down and having children or because part of me is actually feeling paternal.
Then again, I don’t know how good of a father I would be if I had children to be honest.
:Eek:
Are you on Facebook? If so then why not sign up to the Dyspraxia Support Group, where you can chat with fellow Dyspraxics at https://www.facebook.com/groups/294976028092912/

Tom fod
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Re: Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

Post by Tom fod »

Xenavire wrote:
Sat Nov 02, 2019 11:26 am
TMI Tom, TMI. :lol:

Seriously though, that brings up a good point - how many of us have actually managed to keep a meaningful relationship long enough for it to be an issue? I'm certainly one that has had to stop and think about it, but I realise that the relationship section of the forums is rarely seeing posts about success stories. Not that they don't happen of course.

On that note, I hope that anyone looking has some good luck.
I think sadly we're more likely to see/hear of people's difficulties rather than their successes. I do know there are dyspraxics out there who have done well and I guess it's good in some sense that they aren't crowing about their success and making the singletons feel even more like failures.

Even people who are seemingly perfect, can make a terrible mess of relationships!
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
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Jim
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Re: Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

Post by Jim »

I think ultimately you should never say ‘never’.

If you asked me this ten years ago, then I would have immediately shut the conversation down as I was single, had less than zero social life, didn’t envisage myself ever finding love or a partner. Children weren’t even remotely in my thoughts and if they were.. I didn’t want any.

Today? Well its an 180 degree about turn. I’m engaged and I live with my fiancée. There’s no firm plan but there is an acceptance (and desire on her part) that somewhere along the line when we’re ready that we are going to have a child.

Yes, the very thought frightens me. But in all fairness If people are honest it probably frightens any prospective parent. Since love found me, I have developed excitement at the prospect of being a parent... if still equally being terrified.

Does it worry me that I may pass on Dyspraxia? Yes, of course it does. I don’t want my child to face the same difficulties that I did and do.. but why should that matter? Life is going going to provide a selection of difficulties come what may.

My child could inherit Dyspraxia but maybe they wont. Dyspraxia should not be my mechanism to decide for or against having children because if I’m honest... then I’m more afraid of my own coping mechanisms as a dyspraxic parent bringing up a dyspraxic child than I am of them developing their own coping skills.

But why? Because hang on a moment... we face challenges that many people find invisible throughout every single hour of every single blooming day. My goodness but we’re strong willed people. Ultimately.. aren’t we relatively well placed to support another dyspraxic child through their challenges?
“When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore” :whistle:

monkeyjess
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Re: Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

Post by monkeyjess »

I have 3 biological children and a bonus daughter and I was diagnosed with dyspraxia at primary school. I never knew much about it or let it affect me too much when it comes to being a parent just hard reading books to my kids or helping my eldest with homework.

happy13
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Re: Does Anyone have Kids or want Kids

Post by happy13 »

I have one child and he does not have any of my dyspraxic traits or other neurodiversity issues,, he is very intelligent. I did not find out about any of my issues until many years later so wasn't in a position to ask myself whether or not my conditions would be passed on.. when I was a youngster I did not think I was any different and thought everyone walked into lampposts and tripped up. Had I known different I may have questioned having a child but as I didn't I wouldn't be without him for the world. It hasn't bern easy but as he is a young adult now understands my medical conditions although sometimes still laughs. I do agree with Jim. Being a parent is scary for anyone but being dyspraxic I feel can put you in a better position to look after, help and raise a dyspraxic child, it just takes more care and understanding. When my boy was young I had a few mishaps, not realising wind would blow him and pushchair away, falling out of bed to name a few, but he is a very healthy and happy young man now. However parenting or wanting children is not everyones choice and each choice should be respected.

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