Looking for friends and a girlfriend

Talk about socialising, making friends and relationships

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RGabb
Getting settled in
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Joined: Mon Dec 29, 2014 9:58 am

Looking for friends and a girlfriend

Post by RGabb »

Hi,

I am 18 year old male, looking to make friends and a girlfriend around my age, I feel quite down and lonely lately, I feel that I am losing friends though I have a couple also they don't communicate with me unless I speak first and if I do its not for long for some reason. I would love some friends that I can spend time with and chat too, but trying to make them at college doesn't get anywhere as they find me to be a bit odd and annoying or other people tell them that I am odd and annoying.

I would also like to find a girlfriend as I feel I am going to end up on my own in my life and thought of that makes me upset because no girl finds me attractive in that way, I feel my Dyspraxia is one of the causes plus I think girls think I'm not attractive physically, this drives me mad and upsets me it makes me feel unwanted and that I will never find one because they wont give me a chance, does anyone have any tips on how to attract girls and where the best place would be to meet girls online?

Sorry for lengthy post but feel free to message me if you would like to be friends i'd more than happy to be.

Jim
Super poster
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Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2012 12:01 pm

Re: Looking for friends and a girlfriend

Post by Jim »

Speaking as a man in his 30s who has had very few friends in his adult life and absolutely zero girlfriends since leaving the sixth form, I know how loney it feels.

I can count my actual friends on one hand and still have most of it's fingers to spare.

It's depressing, it sometimes feels like society has comdemed me to celibacy and loniless.

However, the only way you can change that is by going out there and interacting with people, taking care of your image and generally trying to develop your personality.

Do yourself a favour, try to avoid isolating yourself. I've isolated myself for too long and wasted what should have been some of the best years of my life.
“When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore” :whistle:

RGabb
Getting settled in
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Joined: Mon Dec 29, 2014 9:58 am

Re: Looking for friends and a girlfriend

Post by RGabb »

Thanks Jim

Interacting with people is the hard part, at work it easier, but while at college its a lot harder, I don't really know how to go about it.

I wouldn't want to isolate myself it just finding friends is the harder part.

Is okcupid ok for dating? I have signed up.

Nyx
Getting settled in
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Joined: Sat Feb 07, 2015 1:06 pm

Re: Looking for friends and a girlfriend

Post by Nyx »

It can be tough, believe me I know. But don't give up just keep putting yourself out there and you will make friends and get a girlfriend, your only 18! there's still hope. If you ever need advice or someone to talk to you can always PM me.

RGabb
Getting settled in
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Joined: Mon Dec 29, 2014 9:58 am

Re: Looking for friends and a girlfriend

Post by RGabb »

Thanks Nyx, I will keep on trying, I know i'm only 18 but I do worry about my future and whether I will be on my own and no one to love and spend time with, and also whether I will have any other friends to spend time with too. Because with my current main friends at college we just argue mainly about me and my issues which obviously suggests that their not friends at all if they going to be like that, but I don't want to loose them as I will only have 1 friend. Thanks for being there for me to PM.

Tom fod
Administrator
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Location: SW UK

Re: Looking for friends and a girlfriend

Post by Tom fod »

Hi

I do think that informal relationships i.e. in non work/social situations are more difficult. Also when you're younger the pecking order matters more as everyone has a different idea of where they are/where they think they ought to be in the scale. They aren't necessarily correct and trying to compare yourself to others objectively isn't really possible let alone a sensible or good idea

I'm not familiar with OK Cupid but as with any of these sites don't rely on it exclusively and remember it's a numbers game the same as going out looking. You still have to be there at the right time and in the right frame of mind, as does your soulmate.

Remember also that other people are indecisive too and may have several irons in the fire and may go off after their current favourite or decide they're not ready, so if someone who you had high hopes for doesn't work out don't feel it's all your fault and maybe it just wasn't meant to be, you might get another chance, equally It may be a lucky escape. Try to go for quality rather than quantity but bear in mind meeting more people gives you a bigger pool to choose or be chosen from. Try to appreciate yourself for your own qualities.

Other people wi'll have their own issues so relatively will consider your issues less important to their own especially if they don't understand or choose not to.

Hope this helps. Don't be afraid to disagree, challenge or ask questions about what I've written here.
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

RGabb
Getting settled in
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Joined: Mon Dec 29, 2014 9:58 am

Re: Looking for friends and a girlfriend

Post by RGabb »

Thanks Tom,

Yeah work situations are a lot better, but sometimes I don't get the jokes or even pick up on it being a joke in the first place and sometimes take things literally they say and can be a bit awkward and uncomfortable in the way I react to what some of them say or don't know how to react (about 80% of them working there are around my age) but other than its ok. It annoys me the pecking order thing it makes you feel unwanted and no one will be friends with you and should be labeled as weird and not whatever they call themselves, but who would want to be like them if all they they do it judge you and put you at the bottom?

I'm not relying on it but its remembering to check it is my issue, whats a numbers game i'm not sure what you mean sorry if that sounds silly?

Yes I tend to be high hopes for certain girls and get a bit fixated and get upset when they don't like me and wonder what it is they don't like about me, that happens everytime, especially once when I quite liked my Dyspraxic friend. My sister says I pick really pretty girls and I think I usually do that not just because they are more attractive and I like that but i'm not every good at reading people's body language and way they speak and their personality, which means I have to rely on my sister as bad as it sounds to tell me if they are nice or not. I planning on ways to go out more and meet more people to which should be good. That's one issue I have I tend to take negativity in quite easily as much as I try not to which puts me down and then problems accepting myself and my qualities and often overlook them and think about my bad points which I shouldn't.

Tom fod
Administrator
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Joined: Thu May 12, 2011 9:05 pm
Location: SW UK

Re: Looking for friends and a girlfriend

Post by Tom fod »

Hi

It's not silly to ask if you're not familiar with something, Basically it's an expression meaning that you may have to talk to lots of women before you meet the right one. I'm still looking but still I can be too worried about what other people might think.

I think accepting ourselves is often a struggle, we want to be seen for our qualities but are hyper aware of our own faults (probably because of their being pointed out all too frequently by others). 'Normal' means different things to different people. I think the other difficulty is that we, (but also many other people), are not clear about what we're looking for and there is always going to be a degree of having to learn from our own mistakes. We may have our ideals but it is likely that no one can ever tick all of the boxes all of the time.

We all make assessments of what people are like based on limited information available. We are rarely completely correct but that is not by any means an exclusively 'dyspraxic' thing. Everyone is different and forms opinions about the world and people around them based on a wide variety of things that influence our decisions. Learn to trust and develop your own intuition. Accept that you can't always get things right and that in a lot of cases, this is beyond our control. If people choose not to like you on a whim it's their own issue and they are likely not to be open minded enough to listen or change their minds as to do so it may feel to them like they will have to accept they're wrong.

Our brains are wired differently but they do work even though at times we'll feel as though we're in a state of mental overload. Whilst we may be different and that brings it's own difficulties, we're still capable in our own unique ways.
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)

AndyO
New member - welcome them!
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Joined: Fri Apr 17, 2015 1:26 pm

Re: Looking for friends and a girlfriend

Post by AndyO »

Hi! If you are shy to get acquainted in the usual way, try online dating. Create a profile on a dating websites, such POF or OKCupid, and start to get acquainted. I am sure that you will find good friends and maybe even love. Good luck!
Last edited by Tom fod on Fri Apr 17, 2015 1:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: removal of commercial url

RGabb
Getting settled in
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Joined: Mon Dec 29, 2014 9:58 am

Re: Looking for friends and a girlfriend

Post by RGabb »

im shy both ways i think which makes it twice as hard im like i cant click on send what if she doesn't reply to my sister or i chicken out and in person id arnt go up to them or i dont know how to start a conversation with them other than hi , however my sister says i tend to pick really girls i probably cant get and who are beautiful and calls me shallow as im not as good a telling whether someone is nice or whether they appear nice and cant read whether they like me or not that well so i tend to go by looks which my sister thinks i shouldn't as she aid most good looking girls tend to bad and not nice. i also get really ocnfuses with whats goign on i get in these states where i feel overloaded or muddled up and im like i dont what to do then i end up in bad mood for the rest fo the day or then enxt day if i think about it again its hard being Dyspraxic i never know what to do with things like this then also at the moment i dont have much time to search as im getting filled with college work which the other day i started crying about as it all got too much for me at once it just got piled up as the day went on. Luckily my one to one tutor helped me with a priority organizer and college work timetable which we made. Anyway i will stop rambling on other things have happened especially with friends not good things though i was down to one friend yesterday and up to two today, i can go into it if anyone want s me too as it wasn't nice what append to me well i didn't know at first

Vimes
Getting settled in
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Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2015 9:44 am

Re: Looking for friends and a girlfriend

Post by Vimes »

Hi. Just wanted to tell you not to worry that your whole life will be this way. The teenage years are the worst.

When you are a teenager anything that marks you out as different is such a huge deal. Being dyspraxic makes you more awkward and less confident than your peers and that just makes it so much harder to form relationships.

But as you get older things that seem a big deal to your peers now will seem less important. Being a bit different in your 20's is not the instant social death that it is your teens.

I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 20. I've just turned 32 and although I'm single again I have had a couple of long term relationships (3 years +) and a few casual, shorter term relationships. I didn't want to make this about me, I just wanted to let you know that there is no reason you can't have a full dating life. Just because things seem hopeless when you are 18, doesn't mean they always will be.

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