Negative/destructive comments from others get me down

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Roxy86
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Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2012 1:57 pm
Location: West Sussex

Negative/destructive comments from others get me down

Post by Roxy86 »

I always pride myself and often describe myself as being a bubbly and out going individual, who enjoys meeting and talking to new people, large groups and public speaking don't phase me in the slightest. Being on stage or infront of the camera is where I feel most alive, and in my comfort zone!

Self esteem/confidence has never been an issue for me, except, I get A LOT of negative/destructive comments from people on a day to day basis from my mum, colleagues, and even so called 'friends' :S I always bounce back after taking a hit, but often wonder how I should tackle these comments, to react, stand up for myself, or, to just keep my mouth shut and take it?

They sound harmless and are usually pretty tongue in cheek/said with a hint of affection but I still find them hard to swallow. They include things like;

'Honestly, I know 12 year olds with more savvy than you!'

'You're like a bull in a china shop'

'Try using your common sense'

'You're about as graceful as an elephant'

'It's not exactly rocket science'

'A monkey could do it better than you'

'Honestly, it's like changing babies nappies with you'

'You're just one big disaster zone'

Etc. etc. *SIGH* :(
-Hakuna Matata-
Jim
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Re: Negative/destructive comments from others get me down

Post by Jim »

I can see how those comments are intended to be affectionate and tounge in cheek... But yet they are still slightly patronising aren't they?

Which to me suggests these people unconsciously feel superior or protective of you. In which case they could be mistakingly linking your quirks to your intelligence.

Perhapps you ought to come up with some stock retorts to those comments you find annoying to redress the banter balance.
“When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore” :whistle:
Roxy86
Regular Poster
Posts: 77
Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2012 1:57 pm
Location: West Sussex

Re: Negative/destructive comments from others get me down

Post by Roxy86 »

Thanks :)

Usually I tend to laugh them off, or ignore them completely, acting as if nothings wrong but every time, inside I am hurting and often over analysing it for a long time to come afterwards, getting in the way of over things. I do tend to obsess over the comments a fair bit, which I know is unhealthy, and I need to learn to let it go :S

The one about it not being rocket science I did reply with a short sharp 'Well it is to someone who doesn't know how' and many people know that common sense is the one thing I lack more than others so why say these things?

Any ideas of any other retorts I could hit back with? I need a few good one liners I think! :D lol!
-Hakuna Matata-
AlleyCat
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Re: Negative/destructive comments from others get me down

Post by AlleyCat »

Those kinds of comments make me so angry- they are not harmless, they are in fact emotionally abusive. Comments such as those eat at a person's self esteem, and no one has the right to say things like that to you, whether they are family members, co workers, partners or friends.
Jim
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Re: Negative/destructive comments from others get me down

Post by Jim »

The ironic thing about so called common sense is that not many people actually have it.

What i mostly try to remember though is that we're mostly viewing reality from a slightly different perspective than the "societal norm".

So whilst our actions may seem odd to other people including those who are supposed to know us they are still likely to make sense when you consider the differences in perception.

Now, the snappy retort. It's very difficult to come up some here outside of the context in which they would be used... but the rocket science one... "Wait, what? You mean this isn't a chemical laboratory experimenting new ways of getting the biggest bang from the smallest quantity of fuels? Oh my God! Who knew?!" With a slight hint of irony.

A monkey could do it better than you: "As you so aptly demonstrate"
You're one big disaster zone: "I thank you"
Try using your common sense: "No thanks, I'd rather apply some useful logic to this conundrum"
Honestly, I know 12 year olds with more savvy than you: "Sonnnnnn! I'm Capt Jack Sparrows, savvy? slightly tongue in cheek.

If they end up taking offence, then you turn the tables by explaining that it was prompted by their original remark being quite demeaning and perhaps in future they'll think about what they're saying and how it makes you feel before opening their mouths.

Your'e basically being a mirror and showing them their tact, or lack or it.
“When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore” :whistle:
FAndrews
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Re: Negative/destructive comments from others get me down

Post by FAndrews »

i know exactly the same feeling, some of those comments are a tad harsh though.

nice retorts jimmy :)
desertboy
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Re: Negative/destructive comments from others get me down

Post by desertboy »

The (O.P.) original poster has raised the interesting issue of the fine line that exists between good-natured teasing and its malignant cousin taunting (aka verbal bullying). It is awfully difficult to draw the line between these two things, but these are some of the criteria that I have come across.

1. In good-natured teasing there is no power imbalance between the giver and the taker but with taunting, the giver has some kind of major advantage. In other words, if you tease people who are less fortunate than you are, it is likely that you are taunting rather than doing it in a good-natured way. I once even read that good-natured teasing can usually only be done to someone who is successful in most aspects of life (i.e. good-looking, athletic and successful), and definitely not to someone who is seriously struggling at any part of life.

2. Good-natured teasing genuinely amuses the both the taker and the giver. Taunting, however, amuses the giver (and possibly bystanders) but actually demeans and psychologically hurts the taker.

3. Good natured teasing will be stopped immediately if the taker asks, and the giver will apologise. On the other hand, if the giver is asked to stop during taunting, he/she will either be goaded into delivering further insults or he/she will respond with a snide, "Can't you take a joke?", comment.

All in all, the rather sharp comments that the O.P.'s friends/family are making appear to be on the taunting side of the line. That is unless, they look up to her as being smart, witty, pretty, successful and way more fortunate than they are.
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