More Involuntary Celibate Dyspraxic Males than Females?

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desertboy
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Joined: Sat May 18, 2013 6:49 pm

Re: More Involuntary Celibate Dyspraxic Males than Females?

Post by desertboy »

Sorry for my slow reply, always_elan and wayard. I was traveling for a few months without regular access to the internet.

@always_elan

Normally, the love shy condition, is used to describe people aged 21 or more who have never had the experience of dating/romance in their lives and have therefore missed out on a major developmental milestone. Since you've been married and have dated at some time in your life, you don't quite fit the 'classic' description of this condition. However, your post shows that perhaps the parameters of the Love Shy condition should be expanded to include people who have not dated for several years. Anyway, I wish you every success in finding romance.

@wayward

Thank you for your excellent explanation of the difficulties that female dyspraxics have when it comes to dating. As usual, I've been guilt of thinking that the grass is greener on the other side.
FAndrews
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Re: More Involuntary Celibate Dyspraxic Males than Females?

Post by FAndrews »

I suspect i may be Loveshy, i'm 27 and never been in a serious relationship or had any sexual contact (not even making out ) only been on a couple of dates :(. had a couple of times this year, where i had online conversations with girls online where we would come close to arranging a date, only for them to back out and for me lose contact. feels like i'm missing out on so much, its frustrating and saddening :( sorry to rant.
maia
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Re: More Involuntary Celibate Dyspraxic Males than Females?

Post by maia »

well, i've been involuntarily celibate my entire female life, but that's due to autism (a huge part of my autism is dyspraxia, maybe three quarters, so a lot of my problems get discussed on here but not on autism sites, hence). I think it's autism not dyspraxia. I don't have the social skills to negotiate relationships. Women will put in the work to bridge that gap, to sew the conversation together, but men will not: they just get cross. Also, men believe that anyone who sleeps with them loves them and anyone who refuses hates them. How you actually feel in your heart doesn't matter to them, only if your legs are open or closed, in fact the idea that your heart could be open but your legs closed (because you take time to relax enough to want to be intimate, or just because you really don't feel hot right now) is in their belief a simple lie: if you need 2 months before you'd want to go to bed with them, not two days, you're clearly 'a gold-digger' 'friendzoning' 'a frigid bitch' or something, and they've broken it off long before you were able to even relax around them instead of your constant state of anxiety... Also it doesn't help that i'm a feminist. I actually don't care what anyone thinks of me, but (i am older) i was absolutely blunt on my internet dating profile: 'I am fat, i have knee problems, i want to get healthy but my knees keep getting more painful and food is a big pleasure in my life, so while i know i am fat, i want to be honest, that you cannot make it condition of a relationship that i get thin: i can't promise i will be able to, and i don't want to be nagged, you will have to accept it, as opposed to respect it'. So what did each and every date say? 'When are you going to lose weight?' 'You know i don't like fat girls?' etc. My whole conclusion from internet dating was 1) when men say 'friend', they mean anything, from 'let's finish this' to 'shag me tonight' (i suspect women do the same) and 2) men are illiterate. Perhaps they are not, perhaps all the literate ones are married or never contacted me. But it was a 100% result that all men i interacted with (and there were a lot) were illiterate. (Eg requests for cougar services...despite clear profile... or men in the USA & Canada asking for dates when i'm in wales...) I enjoy a bitter rant, but tl;dr = women will knit together relationship with someone with the social skills of a stone, men won't even bother, and men see sex as love and refusing sex as not loving and see all claims otherwise as lies, so any woman who's dyspraxia makes her unable to put out quick won't be able to get into relationships, another problem men don't have. And all men are illiterate, which is just a problem for all women, dyspraxic or not.
Tom fod
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Re: More Involuntary Celibate Dyspraxic Males than Females?

Post by Tom fod »

Hi Maia

Hi and welcome to our community here.

I think the generalisations about guys on dating sites are in many respects valid criticisms and I think many people, especially men do become over focused on sex when it's only one part of a relationship and the brain in our head is confused by other things. People will sometimes be what they think you want them to be even if that's a 1000s of miles away from how they'd be/want to be normally. Whilst it's not an excuse to reduce others to unhappiness people's shallowness is difficult to change so it's better to rule that person out and move on as everyone interprets and applies dating rules differently. It is both confusing and maddening!

I'm come to the conclusion that dating sites are full of pitfalls and I'm having a break from it all at present. People aren't sure what they want but if you don't fit the criteria someone expects or someone more interesting grabs their attention away then it's right back to square one. Similarly it seems to being out many people's most impatient and judgemental sides. It can really be soul destroying at times and you need to be very tough to withstand it and not take it to heart as I'm sure some people on such sites get a kick out of trampling over other peoples feelings with no regard.

I do hope you find the right person who values you all aspects of who you are, whether online or by some other chance.
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
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