Dating/long-term relationship

Talk about socialising, making friends and relationships

Moderator: Moderator Team

Post Reply
LauraMcM25
New member - welcome them!
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2016 5:39 pm

Dating/long-term relationship

Post by LauraMcM25 »

Hi I am 29 years of age and I really want a long term relationship as I can sometimes feel quite lonely. I have never been in a relationship or had sex. I’ve tried online dating but have not had much success. I am quite a good communicator but I am scared that I will be judged because of my lack of experience and that I won’t be able to do sex properly (I know this is quite personal) I’m not a big fan of clubs and don’t have a big social circle of friends so hard to meet any guys in that way. Does anyone have any advice about meeting guys or anything that helped them? Thanks
Xenavire
Power poster
Posts: 131
Joined: Mon Sep 09, 2019 9:22 am

Re: Dating/long-term relationship

Post by Xenavire »

If by online dating, you mean apps or web pages devoted to matching singles - you aren't going to find many people of interest there, as most are more interested in casual hookups.

My advice is to find a forum or event that interests you and just meet people, because having something in common is the first step to growing something deeper. Start by making friends, and if you click with someone, take it slow and build the relationship step by step.

To use personal experience, I met the person I'm with on a Pokemon forum, and while neither of us visit the forum anymore, we wouldn't have found each other without it. That was in 2008, and we are still together and building our future.
LauraMcM25
New member - welcome them!
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2016 5:39 pm

Re: Dating/long-term relationship

Post by LauraMcM25 »

Thanks for your reply. Yeah I did mean that and it’s defo not great. I think ur right it really helps when you have things in common and just friends first😄Glad to hear you met someone successfully
Tom fod
Administrator
Posts: 2558
Joined: Thu May 12, 2011 9:05 pm
Location: SW UK

Re: Dating/long-term relationship

Post by Tom fod »

Hi Laura and welcome back

Thanks Xenavire, I'm not sure I can add a lot from my male perspective but here goes:

My fear of what others might think about my lack of previous relationship experience (and not driving) was probably my achilles heel with online dating. I'm not sure anyone on online dating sites really knows what they want as a it seems most are searching for an 'ideal' that doesn't exist or a casual hookup. I used to put a hell of a lot of pressure on myself and find my optimism was so often crushed or I was inadvertently doing/saying self-destructive things on dates (nothing that bad!) . I've fortunately made some great female friends but still have much to learn about intimate relationships.

The right guy will not judge you.
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
Traceyi
New member - welcome them!
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Jun 07, 2021 2:15 pm

Re: Dating/long-term relationship

Post by Traceyi »

Someone would say that's too late for you, that men have a fear of virgin girls. But, you know, prejudices and stereotypes nowadays do not offer us the chance to be ourselves. So, Laura, my recommendation would be strictly from my experience and, here I talk about dating sites. Tom talked about an ideal we may look for, but you match with that person with whom you have the same interests. Isn't it? I'm passionate about photography, love cats, and in love with morning runs! I wish I met the men who at least suit one of these interests. So, I looked for the best dating site for 2021, picked one with the best reviews, and guess what. I met a friend, who then became my husband! He loves dogs but tolerates my cat lol, was in the past photographer, and we run every morning in the park. It like a matchy-matchy! Could I wish more? No! I hope I helped you! I want you to be encouraged because I genuinely believe you are an incredible girl!
Last edited by Traceyi on Fri Jun 11, 2021 9:06 am, edited 1 time in total.
Tom fod
Administrator
Posts: 2558
Joined: Thu May 12, 2011 9:05 pm
Location: SW UK

Re: Dating/long-term relationship

Post by Tom fod »

Traceyi wrote: Tue Jun 08, 2021 11:22 am Someone would say that's too late for you, that men have a fear of virgin girls. But, you know, prejudices and stereotypes nowadays do not offer us the chance to be ourselves.
I think those 'some' are the people to definitely try to avoid. It's not easy though. The 'messages' we soak up from society and even well meant 'encouragement' from family/friends are so often reinterpreted and repeated internally so that we're afraid to be ourselves. I feel we need to learn to do things that we enjoy for ourselves and hopefully connect with some like-minded folk who celebrate us for who we are.
Tom
Moderator/Administrator

With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
JohnEmy
New member - welcome them!
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Jul 31, 2021 5:35 am

Re: Dating/long-term relationship

Post by JohnEmy »

Someone who has only dated around and hasn't been in a committed relationship before may absolutely consider seven months to be a long-term relationship. Someone who has had multiple relationships that tended to last over a year at the minimum may not consider seven months to be a long term relationship.
Post Reply