Mother denying that I am dyspraxic

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Freda112
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Mother denying that I am dyspraxic

Post by Freda112 »

Hi

I was diagnosed as dyspraxic 20 years ago when I was 6, I was lucky that my symptoms were quite pronounced and my school sent me to a school psychologist. From there I was referred to a child psychologist at our local hospital where I was given my diagnosis.
Through all this I was accompanied by my mother as I was obviously too young to understand what was being said. I am very glad I had my diagnosis young as having dyspraxia has massively impacted my life and getting the diagnosis has reassured me that I'm not just thick 😂

Fast forward 20 years and I am now 26. Dyspraxia still seriously impacts my daily life but I try and achieve as much as I can. I have a degree, a good job and own my own home. The issue is that I have serious issues with my social skills, I have no close friends, I've never been I a relationship which hasn't ended in me being cheated on and I'm pretty unpopular at work.
I tried to discus how I feel with my mother and how my dyspraxia impacts on my life (feeling sorry for myself and needing a moan one day) when my mother told me that she doesn't actually believe that I have anything "wrong" with me and my issues are self inflicted. Any time I have brought up being dyspraxic over the last 6 months she either laughs at me, changes the subject or sits with a face on her and refuses to discuss it any further.

Has anyone else experienced something similar or does anyone have tips on how best to approach this? I feel like cutting her off but get on very well with my father and siblings and don't want things being awkward for them. I don't know what I want to achieve really, I guess I just want to be able to acknowledge this huge part of my life and not feel like I have to hide who I am.

Tom fod
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Re: Mother denying that I am dyspraxic

Post by Tom fod »

Hi Freda and welcome. I'm glad you've found us.

I think a lot of parents don't (can't) understand dyspraxia and are of the old school that labels become a self fulfilling prophecy. Also I guess Mum's hate to think that they have not adequately helped prepare you for the cruel harsh world. I also think that her ignorance of what Dyspraxia perhaps means that she thinks that a person with Dyspraxia could no way have a job and a home, and therefore the label does not fit you. You're much better off moaning or venting to fellow Dyspraxics who have more comprehension.

A lot of non-dyspraxic parents and partners, employers, colleagues, teachers etc seem to be unable to understand that we have an identity and seem reluctant to believe that our different ways are not actually born of character flaws in ourselves that we need to grow out of or train out of ourselves.

We're not Lazy. and we have to be stubborn and exacting to keep functioning as we do. I think we are often at war with ourselves, perhaps as we take on other peoples constructively meant (it is not always) feedback and feel confused, lost and/or angry. Too often we direct that inwardly. We all rationalise things differently.
Tom
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With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
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The new luddite
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Re: Mother denying that I am dyspraxic

Post by The new luddite »

hi Freda,

Unfortunately its always its always going to be difficult for non Dyspraxics to understand what it is to be Dyspraxics but I do think even if someone doesn't understand something some else is going through they should be able to offer support even if its just listening especially close family.

You say your mother doesn't think theirs any thing "wrong" with you in what sense does she mean that ?
Does she mean she accepts that your Dyspraxic but doesn't see it as a disability but a difference or that she doesn't except that you have a condition ?

If its the later I'd ask her why she chooses not to believe in something that is a known condition diagnosed by medical professionals.
Would she feel the same if you'd been diagnosed with a hart condition ? Is it just a case of I cant see it and /or don't understand it so it doesn't exist ?
If this is the case I'm not sure what you can do its the same "logic" used by some flat earthers i.e. "I can't see the curve of the earth therefore its flat."

It maybe that shes in a state of denial because she thinks it might some how be her fault, I know my Mom sometimes feels guilty because I was born quite premature and she thinks that was at least partly her fault.

Another tactic me me to ask someone else to discuss things on your behalf sometimes if your to close to the issue it can make discussions harder.

stephaniesays
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Re: Mother denying that I am dyspraxic

Post by stephaniesays »

yes - my mother said it is not true and not to tell anyone for gods sake!. i was diagnosed late in my 30s. i had a hard time in school branded lazy but got good grades and a degree, masters etc. some my family are medical and i have been diagnosed by an education psychologist. my brother also reacted the same - said no! that's not right - who told you that. strange and not very helpful. makes me feel even more isolated.

stephaniesays
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Re: Mother denying that I am dyspraxic

Post by stephaniesays »

"It maybe that shes in a state of denial because she thinks it might some how be her fault, I know my Mom sometimes feels guilty because I was born quite premature and she thinks that was at least partly her fault."

yes - maybe an element or guilt or denial. i also had a physical birth disability which is genetic but she won't accept it is genetic and dismissive. i think she was mortified too like don't tell anyone you have that! which was also not nice as i have to hide it and can't be open with people about it.

sorry - it is hard when your family don't support you and take it seriously. i know how that feels.

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