Flying Solo

[fuzzy]

Im quite an anti social person and although I have some friends, Iv always found it diffcult to live with other ppl- halls in 1st year I found sooooooo stressfull!! I think im going to try and get a flat on me on next year, as I like my own company and dont think that ill be lonely if i make an effort to go and meet frineds in the evnings etc. However, my mum seems to think that at 20, im a bit too young to be living by myself and keeps on making comments about how I should be meeting more ppl ',y own age'........

Whats everyone else like? Do you enjoy other ppls comany occasionally, a lot of the time of hardly ever? Does anyone else live on thier own? Am I too young?!

Answers on a postcard

[Daniel]

I am quite happy with my own company for much of the time. Just on some occasions do I fancy meeting up with a friend for an evening or at the weekend. With a small number of good friends I'm happy to spend many hours with, but for people in general I tend to have a rather limited tolerance.

It's difficult to say when you're too young to live by yourself. I share a flat, but my parents still sort out things like tax for me, because I have a big problem with filling in forms and wouldn't know where to start. Fortunately for bills and such like we've got everything going out by direct debit, so there's a minimal amount of stuff to remember, which is just as well.

I wonder in what sense your Mum is worried about you living on your own, Fuzzy? Is it the social thing, or is it more making sure bills get paid and things get done?

As and when I get around to settling down with some idea of what I want to do I think I would live on my own. My personal experience of flat sharing with random people hasn't been good. However in the likes of London having your own flat is not economically viable for a lot of singletons!

[fuzzy]

Yeah I think my mum is worried. Its the social aspect tho- altho she has said on many occasions that 'i have no idea' when it comes to how much bills/ gas electricity will cost, which is true but id quickly learn..... i can defo cope on my own; i do all my own cooking, cleaning, washing etc, sort all my own finacnes... so i think that its mainly the social aspect.

[SomeT]

Ive been living with all sorts of different people for about 2 years or so, (about 25 different people last time I counted!) due to not being able to get a better job due to my difficulties and not being able to afford a place on my own, the bottom line is you get used to it after about 2 years or so and so should the people who live with you if they understand the difficulties you have.

[gherkin001]

Im 20 and ive been living alone since i was 15. Its something I had to do because other people annoy me too much. I needed my own space to shut the world out say "two fingers to you" and chill out.

I really dont like being around other people although I have no problems with my partner because he can read my moods and how im feeling.

Ive felt the need to punch people in shops because they're too close to me.

Kirsty

[sheppeyescapee]

I live with my partner, but we both need a lot of time alone. I have the bedroom and she has the livingroom, we tend to get on each others nerves if we are together too much of the time. I'm 23

[becky1986]

see i like company some of the time and other times i want to be alone as i need my own space but the grat thing is i have manage to fine flat mates who like me have there own lerning difficulties and other 'disabilitys' which means that we like company but also being alone and they get it when i need my own space and dont force themselves on me but are there if i need them

[Lady Fluff]

My partner and I both spend plenty of time away from each other, even in the same house. I lived by myself in a flat for 15 months when I was 21-22, I still socialised, but I didn't like having people over. I always put it down to being an only child. In contrast, I lived in a flat with randoms, and I hated it. The fact that they were useless slobs who wanted me to act like their mother may have something to do with it, but hey! It's made me resolve to never live with another man in my entire life ever!

[Shadwell]

hey fuzzy,

soz I thought I had posted to this post around the time of me joining the web-site.

I can relate to this, during the time when I was in College, and in halls, then yes, quite a few flares did happen due to needing my own space, and wanting to like cut myself off from the world, after using all my patience on a group that should have been in nursary, not doing a car maintenance course.

and then having the social life apart from that, and believe me the radiators would bang like mad, and the only way to actually get to sleep was by having a social life, so monday - thursday night I was in the pub having a few beers, as the alcohol would knock me out, and considering I wasn't, and am not much of a drinker, then that would have an effect of waking me, or making me sleep longer, so that left me so drained, that when I got home on the Friday, my parents only really seen me for food times, the rest of the time I would be in my room either sleeping, or having alone time.

the banging of the radiators was so bad I was seriously talking to the boss in the halls about it.

as for when I finished that year, then I moved in with my parents full time again for 1 month, and couldn't stick that, so I moved into a shared house, that was great, 3 blokes getting on really well together most of the time, the 4th bloke was a total outsider, and basically made it clear that he didn't like us, even though we tried everything to get on with him.

a few shared houses, and 9 years on I felt like it was time to get my own flat, as I seemed to be getting "too long in the tooth" to be sharing, and have only shared with 2 groups of people that I could trust to a certain extent.

like even leaving my pc with the one bloke for the night to play on.

now I have been living in my flat for 2 years there are some tricks, and tips that I have learned, like pre-payment metres, for the summer I switch off my gas metre apart from when I need to use gas, and also switch off the boiler a day later, so then the fan on the boiler isn't costing any money in electric

as I pay a reasonable amount for gas (worst according to every company that comes canvasing in the street), I am not paying a standing charge on the metre, so say like we can have the heating off 8 months of the year, I am only paying for the 4 months, which equates to less than anybody charging a fee, so while they might be cheaper if the gas is on constantly, they are charging more if the gas is turned off

so like having the flat at a reasonable luke warm temperature is about £60 a month during the winter, it is costing 0p during the time it is switched off, whereas with the one company I was with during my first winter, it cost £100 a month, and something like £3 - £4 a week standing charge, so no matter if the gas was switched off, the metre would still charge that.

Electric, then it worked out about the same whether charged standing charge or not, and usually works out about £7 a week just for 1 pc on while I am awake, and the light on if I am awake during the night, the other lights switched on, and off as needed. all lights apart from 1 are energy saver, so using like a 20w, which is equivelent to 100w normal bulb in a 13 feet square room x2, and 11w which is equivelent to a 60w bulb x2 for the stairs, and kitchen, the only one that isn't energy saver is the bathroom strobe light.

then is the water, and they will hit very hard, and very fast if the property isn't metred, they charge roughly the same as a 4 bed house, for a 1 bed (2 person) flat.

so would suggest CAB before moving in as to whether to get the property metred, as the water board will not say this but they can't take you to court to cut you off, all they can do you for is money owed, and if you been paying little amounts every so often they can't do that.

with the metre then you are charged standing fee of like £20 a quarter, plus your actual usage. but if you owe anything then they will try hitting you for £45 a month, which it was only october I got them to knock £10 off a month.

then the other thing to look at is a phone, or if you want internet access, as you will be leaving home then you won't have any reference as to whether you will pay them, so they will also go for nearly 2 times the price every month, my internet, and line rental is £29 a month, with BT, and it was something like £55 a month that they would take out of my account, they wouldn't settle for any less until I had been with them for 6 months or so, and could see I only used the landline if I had to, despite me telling them I haven't had a contract phone, and only use a maximum of £5 a month on my mobile.

and that is before getting onto council tax, rent, and tv licence

so you really need to take all of that into account before you think about getting a flat by yourself.

if like me, and alone time is best for you, and you can meet the bills every month, then I would say go for it.

but just remember that living by yourself isn't as easy as 1,2,3!! there are a lot of bills, and they will hit you as hard as they possibly can really to the point that you will fail in the first year, unless you are wise, and that is more the reason why parent's try stopping us from going our own way, not just because of age.

the advantage of sharing with a housing association or something is the benefits will pay so much, and you are left paying something like £10 - £15 a week for gas, electric, and water. then extras ontop like you would need to buy your own tv licence if the rooms have got a lock on the door

the tv licencing will hit you for 2 licences in the first year as well if you don't have a current one, so also be aware of that.

but yes, if you feel ready to move on, then do it on good terms so that you always got your parents to go back to, my parents done it as once I moved out I wasn't allowed back, apart from for seeing them, or as a safe place,

which on a couple of times I have had to, as sharing a house with total strangers, including those well known by the police, to the point that we nearly knew every police officer in wales by first name within 6 months of me moving back in!

so there is that aspect of sharing to consider, while housing associations try to reduce the chance of something like that happening, there is still the chance, and they can't convict the person until the short term tenancy is up, and they haven't paid any rent, or they actually attack another member of the house, or break the rules.

I must point out that in the 9 years of living in shared housing, and something like 30 people I have shared with, it is only twice I have felt the need to move out until the property is secured, one of those times was an actual attack with a weapon by the guy well known by the police.