I feel betrayed

[BrotherJustin1981]

What should i do? This has really made me angry. I feel like im dyspraxic i havent been diagnosed, but in school they took me out of 1 of my subjects and i got 1to1 help for people with dyslexia and in school i got a dyslexia test, also in college there was talk of me having a learning disability, My point is my mother has not told me anything about this, she took me to a hospital for people with bad co ordination when i was younger i cant remember the whole jist of it, but i know for a fact my school, college and mother knew about all of this and i have not been told about this

[Xenavire]

I think you may need to explain in more detail, but I think I know what you are getting at - if I am reading the situation right, your mother has taken you in for tests and hasn't been entirely open and honest about why.

First and foremost, if this is news that is fresh for you (that you figured it out very recently), you should know that having Dyspraxia is a bit of a hassle, yes, but shouldn't stand in your way too drastically, depending on your specific symptoms. It's not something you need to be upset about (but you are welcome to vent if you need it), but the knowledge that you have it (if that is the case) will help you deal with it and find solutions. People who don't know seem to struggle more than those who do know, so I believe knowing is preferable.

Secondly, it is entirely possible that the tests have been inconclusive. It is possible to have multiple neurological differences (Dyspraxia and Dyslexia together, for example), so I advise against jumping to conclusions before you get all the facts. It may be that your mother wants to know exactly what is going on before worrying you. It could also be that she doesn't know how to deal with it herself yet, and she may be in denial, or something else entirely.

My overall advice is to just ask her if she knows what is going on, and of she would just be straight with you. Getting upset over a misunderstanding would be stressful for both of you, and it's possible you could avoid a big fight by just being the mature one.

[Tom fod]

What should I do? This has really made me angry. I feel like Im dyspraxic. I havent been formally diagnosed, but in school they took me out of one of my subjects and I received one to one help for people with dyslexia and in school I was tested for Dyslexia. In college there was talk of me having a learning disability,

My point is my mother has not told me anything about this, she took me to a hospital for people with bad co ordination when I was younger. I cant remember the whole gist of it, but i know for a fact my school, college and mother knew about all of this and I have not been told about this.

Hi again
You're not the first. It's normal that many of us go through a variety of stages: anger, sadness, denial and regret, before coming to accept ourselves and finding workarounds to deal with the challenges we have to face and overcome. I only (re)discovered Dyspraxia about 10 years ago. If my parents or the school ever tried to explain it to me, I can't have been listening. Equally would I have listened? How do you explain dyspraxia to someone? Would they then just give up on life and achievement?

At school, I knew I was visually impaired as that was something they could help with more easily. I got help like enlarged papers and some extra time but to be honest I wasn't keen on it as it marked me out. Mum also dragged me to no end of doctors and alternative therapists, as to her 'I wasn't right" that was no fun and it did my self image/confidence no favours. I just wanted to be seen as normal.


Please note that Dyspraxia IS NOT an illness or Disease and thus the term 'diagnosis' is used in the loosest sense, for want of a better word. Testing for Dyspraxia is not a simple matter and some do ok or too well in the tests used, meaning the results can often be skewed and inconclusive. We tend to develop personal coping strategies that mean we can often mask our condition on a good day. I often think the effort of maintaining this front, all too often takes an emotional toll. We so often set ourselves impossibly high standards that we cannot sustain. Possibly this is a defence strategy to try to avoid painful criticism from others. In many cases our harshest critics are actually ourselves!

Please take care with terminology. In the UK, the term Learning Disability is used to refer to someone who has a significant intellectual disability. Most people with Dyspraxia do not fall into this category and in some forums I've seen dyspraxics take great exception to anyone using the term 'Learning Disability. I think this may be a consequence of some people incorrectly taking our lower confidence as a sign of lower intelligence. Equally many of us are resistant to/angered by some people making assumptions about us and/or mislabelling us. I appreciate you only mentioned learning disability in your post having heard this term used in connection with yourself.

The difficulties and attitudes that many people with dyspraxia experience, certainly can and do have the effect of making it disabling. Unfortunately provision for and the route for adults to receive professional acknowledgement that they're affected is all too often very difficult and unclear. You can go to your GP but he or she may not be able to find anyone for anywhere that he or she can refer you to for assessment A lot of Consultants only work in Paediatrics and will not see adults. Neurologists so often see other patients as more of a priority but your GP may try to refer you to rule out other more worrying neurological causes for your difficulties.

Some people can and do resort to paying for private testing, though sadly this is often prohibitively expensive and you may not get a conclusive answer/report. Some people are more fortunate and are assessed through college/university or the cost of assessment is met by an employer who recognises their difficulties and seeks an expert view to determine what reasonable adjustments are appropriate to help that person and 'level the playing field'.

Please respond to or acknowledge our responses to your posts and don't be afraid to say if anything is unclear or we've misunderstood you.