Dyspraxic Adults

Hi there all,

I've recently came accross dyspraxia by accident and ever since keep thinking I might be an aspiring patient.

Now, to give you a little introduction about me, I'm 25, from Slovakia, currently working, about to start my masters.

Reflecting upon my childhood, I've had and still have difficulties learning to ride a bike. Doing sports was relatively fine for me, I played floorball for many years and was good at it. Other than that, I didn't do much sports, had troubles climbing a rope during PE lessons and ran in an awkard way( but more bcos i was running awkardly on purpose, not bcos I couldn't run in a "normal" way). Adolesence came along with a weird way of walking which I still keep to date even though it's not as visible as it used to be,I'm sorta "jumping" when walking.

The main point for writing this post is of course driving. I took up driving lessons at the age of 17, very common to do so at this age in Slovakia. Started a bit slow, had big issues with reversing, pararell parking, multitasking (e.g. breaking and changing gears when approaching a roundabout). My instructor was very kind to me though. I then broke up leg, obviously stopped practicing. Starting again was a nightmare, my new instructor was, to put it mildly, inpatient and literally destroyed my sense of self-esteem. I failed the driving test twice, managed to pass the third time with a significant help, I would've have passed had the instructor and police officer been objective. I got my driver's license, drove couple of times with my parents, brothers. Then left to Denmark for my bachelor studies and my inability to drive's been the center of my universe ever since.

The reasons for having to learn to drive are obvious, mobility, job opportunities, time saving, to name a few. From my perspective however, the main obstacle could be formalised as follows: My inabillity to drive is literally destroying my self-esteem on daily basis and I've been brought down so many times by various mean remarks that I'm completely paralyzed and can't do anything about it now. I mean, (just to whine and compain a bit) constant remarks from my family go along the lines of:

a) when will you learn to drive

b) you can be ashamed you can't drive, it'll destroy your life

c)or my favourite one "Who's gonna drive" and then my brother goes "Ah, Peter can" to which I respond in my mind "HAHA, ****ing funny, like I can't drive on purpose"

Things have escalated last year when I brought home my new gf, whom I love dearly, and the discussion during christmas eve came to me not driving which of course left me speechless, embarrassed, ashamed and feeling like total piece of **** for the rest of the evening. I've never told anybody I might have dyspraxia so before I proceed any further I'd like to ask two questions:

a) Anybody here from either Poland, Slovakia or Germany who can advise on where to get dyspraxia diagnosed

b) Anybody here suffering from the chronic shame of not being able to drive and actually being paralyzed by that? What are your coping strategies?

I don't think I have any other mental issues, except from driving I think I live an okay, middle-class life. I have some other symptoms of dyspraxia but driving affects my everyday life by far the most.

Any help will be much appreciated.

Hi Peter and welcome. Apologies for slowness in responding

Driving is an area of difficulty for many of us as it involves coordination of various things. I regrettably can't drive either, but I have the 'advantage' of a visual impairment I can use as my excuse. That said, a lot of people seem to judge others who unfortunately can't drive and it is ****. Depending where you live it is possible to manage without a car, you do have to plan ahead when using public transportation but it is still possible to get around and I guess we're being kind to the environment and saving ourselves some of the hassle and expense owning a car can bring.

Is your Slovakian Drivers License still valid, or has it lapsed meaning you are required to retake your test? Have you looked into getting refresher training to boost your confidence. Are there instructors who specialise in working with people with disabilities, who might be more patient like the first instructor you had? In the UK the test seems to be viewed as you've proved yourself competent to go out on the road, but you will keep learning. A lot of people take supplementary motorway lessons (equiv to Autobahn). There has been lots of discussion of this topic on here and in other Dyspraxia groups. Some people prefer cars with an automatic gearbox as there isn't a clutch pedal to have to worry about, whereas just as many others prefer to do the full test for a manual gearbox.

I was recently in conversation with a lady from Germany (Mannheim*) and Dyspraxia (aka DCD) unfortunately doesn't seem to be well known. In the UK we seem to be in a good place, in terms of better awareness, although getting a diagnosis as an adult via our National Health Service is pretty much impossible as pretty much all of the expertise is concentrated in professionals who work exclusively with children. The myth that 'you grow out of it' persists and is at best unhelpful.

* See http://www.dyspraxicadults.org.uk/forum ... f=4&t=7287

Also
https://www.supporttobeme.com/blog/learning-to-drive