Dyspraxic Adults

Good evening I’m a 31 year old male who about 18 years ago had some tests as a teenager ad was diagnosed with dyspraxia. I have had and still do have some quite typical symptoms for example I have had difficulty learning how to drive after about 4 lessons I was put off for life, I have difficulty doing simple things like doing two things at once, tying my shoelaces (I haven’t undid the laces on my current trainers for the last two months as it takes me about 8 attempts on average to get it right), I’ve been finding it difficult to understand my supervisors reasoning for doing things in work more and more recently.
I can also constantly lose things and if someone else moves an item that I have put down and I can’t find it then it’s like the end of the world and and my day or night is over as I get that anxious I can’t and/or haven’t been shown how to cope in these situations.

Even more recently I’ve had relationship difficulties with my partner as she has been spending more time at her parents with our daughter and I’ve got in to a mindset where I believe my partner is trying to limit my time with both her and my daughter who I love both dearly. Now my partner has been in an abusive relationship in her past and if I try to broach the subject of her spending so much time at her parents I get a response of “you just have a problem with my parents”. At the weekend we had a row after I had a bad day where I was meant to be going out with my daughter to go shopping and buy dinner (which believe me is a massive thing to be able to do for me) alone and my partner took our buggy for our daughter with her, this upset me a lot hence the row. Due to my dyspraxia I can have a lot of emotion in my arguments and don’t/can’t talk myself out of this mindset.

Being a typical male I have kept my condition quietly and to myself but recently I have been finding it difficult due to the situation with my partner and have been having more trouble with
With things like my handwriting which was always a mess but i feel it’s getting worse.

Thank you for reading and I was just wondering if anyone else has had the same situation and any coping techniques would be appreciated. I love my partner and daughter very much and I want to improve my mindset.

In short yeah maybe, but Dyspraxia is a wily beast and you have to learn to live alongside with, rather than against it.

If you're flying into a rage /overreacting everytime something goes missing, is that frightening for your partner and your daughter? Is it causing your partner to see warning signs reminiscent of her abusive ex?

I find I too often react, rather than respond, and this can really scare and freak others out.
Speak to your GP or someone, possibly Relate, about how you can cope better with setbacks and how you react when things or other people cause difficult situations that upset or anger you. You can make things better but you'll need to have to learn to be more patient with yourself and others.

Appreciate it won't be easy, It isn't!

Thank you for your reply, I understand that if I lose something or something hasn’t went my way I do react rather than respond my problem is I cannot seem to get out of the mindset at the minute that the world is against me and that my partner seems to have distanced her and my daughter away from me. My outbursts or reactions were never as frequent as they have been now.

I think I have been reacting badly to a change that is more than likely not my partners fault. But the more time she spends out at her parents the less I am feeling valued and think that she either doesn’t want me or is trying to get one over on me by not letting me see our daughter as much at home.

Understand that my outbursts have never been violent but outbursts of real emotional anger as I really have started to believe she doesn’t want me.

But after the reaction I have had last week I do need to change and I suppose this starts with speaking to someone about my issues rather than bury them.

Joe

I think we all 'learn' behaviours ando it can be hard to 'unlearn' them. You don't want your moods or outbursts to upset or affect/frighten your daughter any more than your partner does. I find I too can sound overly aggressive when I'm stressed and I'm feeling that I've lost control of a situation and I then find panic, fear and frustration really set in and I will inadvertently come across as far more confrontational than I ever mean to be. As I'm sure you know, once arguments become heated they escalate. Your sense of anger may also be exacerbated by other stresses you're experiencing and the old self hate/doubt and insecurities can mess with your mind and make you say things in way that only causes more trouble and pushes others further away.

You'll probably need to give your partner (and possibly her parents too) time to see that your making an effort to change and try to work constructively and try to understand why you feel the world/she/they, is/are any more against you than it/she/they has or have been.

If you feel yourself getting angry/increasingly frustrated, can you find a way to disengage and do something else like walk (or run) round the block or do something to vent your frustration elsewhere so your partner and/or daughter is/are spared from witnessing it. What can/might you/she or they do to help?

I hope things improve.