Standing Up for Myself

[nory1878]

Nearly all my life i took a lot from people. From my junior and senior years in school and still to this day is hard at times. In school i knew i was seen as ''different'' the moment i had to have a support teacher sit next to me in every lesson. I hated it, and i think people played on it, and made fun of me by calling me thick, stupid etc. And it only got a lot worse in high school.

Once My teenagers were over i found that i did feel more confident about myself and felt more like a 'man'. In my mind i like to think of myself as good person who can get on with anyone but i wont take anymore ''****'' I almost amp myself up all the time about this, i think about what people have said to me in the past, i think about what i wont let people say to me in the future. I feel almost convinced that its all gonna stop.

The friends that i hang round with now are ok. They have lads banter with eachother back and fourth, but when it comes to me its like i get it the most, far worse than anyone else and they can really cross the line and say really horrible things that can get to me. My problem is i just cant build the confidence to say something back and stand up for myself. I just cant do it.



Has anyone else had similar types of problems to mine?

[Chris0]

Hi I fully understand and used to get that too, and seems to affect me a lot. Now I had a lot of understanding friends. Are they aware of how it makes you feel?

[nory1878]

Hi I fully understand and used to get that too, and seems to affect me a lot. Now I had a lot of understanding friends. Are they aware of how it makes you feel?

I think they can see it gets to me, they dont know about my dyspraxia or my pure ocd which is already enough to knock my self confidence, But they carry on anyway because they know im an easy target and they can get more laughs out of it i suppose. The problem is even if i want to say something back i dont have a clue what to say, and then the fear of embarrasing myself comes into play.

The only time i can actually lose my temper is when im physically provoked it comes natural to retaliate.

[Tom fod]

Nory
Welcome

Sadly this sort or competitive baiting of quieter peers seems to be a fact of life. I too experienced it and whilst some might say it's character building, how can it be if it progressively damages a persons self esteem and confidence. It does get better, once they grow up!

Strategies like saying enough and walking away often seem to result in more of the same, as the bullies know they have wounded you. Witty come backs aren't usually an option as our thought processes aren't at their best when we're under attack. Same with resorting to physical retaliation, we can often end up further humiliated.

Think the best (but by no means easiest) way to cope is to remember that they are the idiots and are being [insert choice of word] to draw attention away from their own self perceived inadequacies.

I fully realise this probably sounds a bit hollow.

Tom

[always_elan]

So sorry to hear what you're going through. I strongly recommend you do an assertiveness course - it makes an amazing difference to your confidence, and teaches you to know and believe that you have the right to be treated with respect. I did mine through the NHS due to my depression, see if this is possible, there are also good books out there and a website which has free downloads is http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/freedownloads.htm

It might also be an idea to think about joining clubs to do with your interests, and making new friends - not neccessarily replacing the ones you have, just additional ones who will better sense when the humour is about to go too far.

As for dwelling on past stuff... I struggle with this too! What helps me, when I remember to do it, is meditation. Just five minutes every day calms the mind, reduces the overthinking. Good relaxation tracks can also help.