Dyspraxic Adults

I have worked in a care home for 3 years, and I am really quiet at first until I feel more comfortable. The type of people I work with in my opinion are loud mouthed and gobby, but are ok to work with. I am generally not good with comebacks from jokes or when people are having a laugh so most of the time I just smile and fake laugh. I do get it eventually. its not so much an actual joke, just when your having a laugh and because I tend to be the quieter one or come accross ''dipsy'' they think I think the're being nasty so all I get is, awww bless her, or awww poor bern(however you spell it), or aww bless leave her alone. I hate that! especially people that are younger than me. I'm 24(nearly 25). There is one particular person that is like that a lot and she's only 5 years older than me. I don't think anything of it when people say stuff,and im not bothered, I couldn't care less, and it doesn't neceserally have to be when people say stuff, just how I might act. I've got a kind nature and I'm polite to residents and nice and I'm not gobby like all them(just so you know they're not gobby to residents). I don't like being patronised, there's no need for it. I don't need to be gobby to get on in the world! I get the feeling people think I'm younger than I am. I must not come across very confident or assertive or something, But it does annoy me.

I do kind of get what you're saying.

But maybe they aren't actively trying to be patronising.

People with gobby personalities are gobby, whoever they're talking to, but that doesn't make what they've got to say anymore valuable than what you have to say. They're just more adept at putting it across.

But also, even if you're less articulate, or less assertive they are probably spouting a heck of lot more hot air and nonsense anyway

Thank you for your reply. Yeah your probably right, it just feels like nothing much has changed in that sense since I left school 9 years ago-at least in work environments anyway. But yeah, thanks for the response on gobby personalities-they do come out with some nonsense sometimes lol

I don't feel patronised in work I feel intimidated by the work I do and by certain persons, I'm quite quiet and I don't like talking bad about people and I never have much to say but there is this one girl who is about 20 years younger then me and she is quite bitchy and aggressive in the way she talks, not just to me but to everyone in general, other people seam to answer her back but I can't, it's not so much in answering her back that I want to do, I just don't want to feel intimidated by her and not let her stress me out the way she does.

Is that purely a confidence issue though, or is it more affected by Dyspraxic symptoms?

For example, I sense that I sometimes come across as a bit "simple" because I'm not as fluently verbally articulate as many other people.

The over sensory issues make it difficult for me to separate one voice from an another so when more than one person is talking (which is more often than not) I struggle to take in anything which is being said and it doesn't commit to my memory. I also find it difficult to speak when other people are speaking because again the over sensory issues are interfering with my concentration and ridiculously I get to the point where I "can't hear myself think".

Add to that my general speech difficulty and simply getting a word in edgeways in many situations becomes a tall challenge.

So from that point of view, it would be easy to feel belittled by someone who doesn't have to contend with any of those issues and who may at times seem overly assertive or aggressive.

However, everyone has a weakness. It may be that this young whipper snapper hasn't fully matured yet and is actually still a little too cocky for their own good. If they are then a lot of what they say will be nonsense, and eventually you'll recognise it when it occurs and be able to call them out on their bullshit.

Just don't take these kind of people too seriously though, it looks like your colleagues don't and the chances are that sooner or later they'll trip themselves up with their own cocky stupidity.

I dont work I cant feel patronised, what I do find is in my volunteering I dont get all the jokes or comebacks in friendly jibes, but the other staff are very good with my disability and helping me.

Welshcakes11 wrote:I don't feel patronised in work I feel intimidated by the work I do and by certain persons, I'm quite quiet and I don't like talking bad about people and I never have much to say but there is this one girl who is about 20 years younger then me and she is quite bitchy and aggressive in the way she talks, not just to me but to everyone in general, other people seam to answer her back but I can't, it's not so much in answering her back that I want to do, I just don't want to feel intimidated by her and not let her stress me out the way she does.

I used to be like that with the not answering back for the first year and a half,I wouldn't say boo to a goose, but I have gained confidence to say something sometimes, but again it depends who it is and what the situation is I suppose.(There used to be a couple of girls that worked there when I first started who I didn't like at all and I would of been a target for bullying, but they left after a few months).... for example, a carer would say oh can you feed such and such, or could you do this, could you do that, and I would just do it, but now I'd say yeah if I've got time, or no because I've got my own jobs to do, or say if they rang me at home saying they needed cover I'd always say I'd do it but I have started saying no because they used to take advantage of me a lot because they always knew I'd say yes, but now I've started saying no or speaking up more they don't now. I don't mind covering if they are desperate or for holidays etc though....think i'm going off the subject a bit here. There's this one person who started before christmas and he winds me up like nobody's business, but its not just me he winds everyone up, and if it was when I first started I wouldn't ever say anything to him, but now I would...but I do think this is a confidence issue, I don't think it's got anything to do with dyspraxia for me.I still wouldn't be cocky though, or if anyone was being serious and they got cocky, I'd probbly just ignore them...

I do not feel patronised but feel because I am quiet, (though not as quiet as I was a year and half ago) that my work colleagues (no matter how supported I do feel) can come up to me and say that I have not done the best job I could when I see people make the same mistakes but nothing gets said to them, just because I take.

One of my work colleagues said in order to protect my reputation, I have to report minor mistakes to who ever is in charge this could include tables not being clean properly during the night. I do this if I am on a day shift to protect the person because I work nights, I know how it is. I do not want to get someone in trouble to save me, but I am annoyed that I am getting told off for something that just isn't me and me correcting mistakes that I see but don't think it justify telling someone about it.

But like you, I am saying no more to shifts when they ring and have slowed down a lot. In my experience, "gobby" people do not feel that are being patronising, they think they are being nice to the quiet person who doesn't seem to have a lot of confidence, but it could be different in your case

I have had times where it feels like people are being patronising, even when sometimes I know the person just wants to help.

In my last job (currently working in the unemployment game ) I had some people who were just trying to help, and others who I know were being patronising just to make themselves feel better about their performance or to make me look bad (seriously, it was really obvious).

With the former, it was often an issue of someone trying to pre-emp a mistake where I had made one before (although I still don't see that as entirely ok, because it suggests they expect me to fail) or it was a situation where the person just wasn't being particularly observant (e.g. reminding me to do something while I'm actually in the process of doing it).

In the latter case though, that grated on me. I'm not an aggressive person, and it's very hard to make me angry, but I did snap more than once, even if it was 'controlled' and I didn't totally flip out. The girl who did that to me was often a bit of a dunce herself as well haha! I guess it diverted attention; she once made a stupid mistake and then exclaimed 'Well Sam makes mistakes all the time!' and burst out laughing as though it was the punchline to the funniest joke in the world.

That job was, in fact, a day centre for disabled adults, and in spite of the issues I occasionally have, the work in itself has always been enjoyable, to the point that although I no longer work there (long story) I still volunteer one day a week. Funnily enough I was there for just over 3 years