Dyspraxic Adults

Hello
Firstly, thanks to everyone who has posted on this site. Looking through the posts it is reassuring to see that my son is not alone out there in some of the problems he has.

I am at a loss about where to go next or what to do which is why I'm writing on this site as I would like to find out what others have done to help themselves or those near to them. I am trying to give him as much help and support as I can but he almost seems to not want to help himself very much. Last year we more or less retaught him his GCSE's which helped him get through them (school wasn't much help other than to let him use a lap top). And now he is at college struggling with the coursework. They do help him as much as they can (a lot more than his school did), but with 20 students on the course he can't have the individual attention he really needs

He was diagnosed nearly four years ago when a friend who is an educational psychologist spotted that some of his behaviour [patterns were typical of dyslexics. She tested him and found he was more dyspraxic than dyslexic. As he could read well, we had thought he was lazy and had the most awful handwriting.

He is at college now in his first year of a BTEC level 3 course (similar level to A-levels) which he enjoys on the whole. However, whilst there are no exams - hooray) there is an awful lot of written work which he is struggling to stay on top of. He finds it difficult to remember everything he has to do and what is involved. I try and get him to write everything down but he doesn't always. We spent the weekend sorting out his files so that it was easier to find everything. He can't remember more than a couple of instructions at any one time.

He also seems very undriven and would rather put coursework off rather than try and tackle it, so much of my time is spent trying to get him to sit down and work. When he does we have a lot of tantrums and histrionics, particularly when tired, when he can't find relevant piece of paper, not sure what he as to do. He struggles to get himself settled and 'in the zone'. I have taken to sitting in the same room as him (a) to offer support and (b) make sure he stays on-task as he's just as likely to go onto one of his on-line games. Oh yes, the on-line games. he and his brother (very bright and capable, easily copes with school) live and breathe them, with conversations revolving totally around whatever they are playing. My 17 year old will then have conversations with us parents about them - no mention of the real world.

When he does eventually get down to some work, we might get a couple of good sessions out of him in a day(say on a weekend) or on an evening it might be only 40 minutes. It is then "I can't focus. My brain doesn't work" Sometimes this is with getting stressed actions which seem to wind him up as well as me. Once 'his brain stops working' that is game over. it's unlikely anything of any quality will be done for a while, or even that day. even when he does get down to some written work, it is not terribly structured ad despite having mind mapping skills, he struggles to structure an essay.

He is socially adept and has a certain amount of emotional maturity and emotional awareness of other people, does scouting, helps with cubs, climbs and does karate but doesn't mix socially with friends. His is emotionally aware of other people , more so than many 'normal adults' however he is at the same time developmentally pretty immature (he was also 12 weeks early and had a tough time so other factors may be at work).

I would be grateful for any advice anyone may have. My son feels he isn't very academically able and is setting his sights lower than his true capabilities. How can I help him organise his life, but more importantly, how can I encourage his and support him to be more focussed, and focus more quickly on the task in hand? My stress levels are rapidly going up. help please

Chrissyp

Hi, welcome to the forum.

I think what is key here is what your son feels. You stated that he doesn't feel academically able but you think he's selling his capabilities short.

Maybe he'd flourish more and develop his capabilities more effectively outside of a academic environment afterall intelligence and talent isn't mutually exclusive to academia.

I totally know what your going through. My son struggled all through school since starting college he has been diagnosed with dyslexic traints. He has also become quite depressed and suffers with anxiety and I think that stems back from not having any self belief in himself and feeling he's not good at anything. I am wondering if there's is something that we can do as a family to help him deal with his learning maybe there is a different way of teaching or is it too late.

Hi and welcome

You specifically mention dyslexia (rather than dyspraxia) but low self esteem is common with both (though not of course exclusive to those with either condition). I'm afraid I don't know a great deal about dyslexia but there are crossovers with dyspraxia. I think in the first instance you need to be working with him to address the depression and anxiety and to help boost his self esteem by helping him to feel more self reliant and see that there are things he can do and is even good at.

Not sure if you're already aware; there's a book called the Dyslexic Advantage that focuses on the slightly different ways in which people think and see things. This might be something you could look at for inspiration.

Sorry I can't offer a more comprehensive response. I hope this is in some way helpful and I hope some other members here will have a different insight they can offer.

I have Dyspraxia and Dyslexia and was diagnosed with the former about the age of 14. I got extra time in exams but still struggled to focus academically aka more effort put in than achievement and because exams had to be done in a time period, found it hard to concentrate and felt a bit rushed, even with extra time.

To help your son, I can only say it might be best to make a few more suggestions. Perhaps keep reminding yourself that keeping patience and being tolerant, it's more important that losing it and don't blame yourself for anything, as you're doing your best. I dislike being, pushed or rushed, or told what to do and I freeze up. I can be very stubborn, especially if I feel I'm not being understood and forced.

He likes video games, he escapes via them. I think never talk badly of video games because it's a good idea to relate to him. Maybe you could suggest he writes down 5 video games two he really likes, one he is ok with and two not so much. Then he can explain the video games to you, two mins for each. Then he can call his files that you've organised, those video games names. So the work he doesn't want to do he'll label a video game he isn't keen on. Then you can make the comparison that work is like a video game and if you're not enjoying it and get frustrated, you might not always want to complete it. Plus, if he can apply strategies, he uses for games to his work, this might help with critical thinking.

Maybe, if you listen to him talk about games, you'll hear him say some things that you didn't expect of him, since if you've mostly focused on academic, it can be harder to get points across than taking about something you love.

Good luck!

Hello, I am 19 and now at university. I also am dyspraxic/dyslexic and find coursework can be a struggle at times. In fact I often find that my brain stops working after roughly 40-90 minutes of working. I have found a few tricks that help with this, firstly, make sure I get enough sleep. While I find that I can function on 7-9 hours sleep, I work far more effectively if for one day a week I just sleep until I am no longer tired, often 14 hours. I also notice that before my brain stops working there is a period of time where it seems fuzzy and I make more mistakes than normal, that is a sign I need to take a short break and move around.

Setting clear targets of what I need to achieve is also really helpful, I work backwards from the deadline and set a goal for the day/morning/afternoon eg. to write up 3 lectures worth of notes. I found it was most effective to actually write targets down. A reward for doing this also helps, I use tv/chocolate as my reward but games might be a good idea for your son? It is important that targets should be achievable but slightly challenging, while this can be a tricky balance to find it is well worth the effort. Finally, I find that coffee/coke and regular meals really help with concentration, although I am careful not to drink caffeine after 2 pm so that it doesn't interrupt sleep.

When I have to write essays, which isn't very often since I'm studying physics, I find it works best for me to write it as I would say it. Imagining a conversation with someone really seems to help. I also find that listening to music helps me concentrate and having snacks/drinks ready before I start both helps me to focus for longer and gives me something to do when I have to stop and think so that I am not staring at a screen getting frustrated. I also have a stress ball which I play catch with when I get stuck.

I also find that having a set time to sit down and work helps, for example while eating breakfast I will plan to start working at 10 and stop for lunch at 1. Although it is important to note that I will probably take 3 or 4 short breaks in that time.

It might help if he could get a course overview with the deadlines for each bit a written work on it. I found that most teachers have this or are willing to provide it and I put it on the wall so that I wouldn't loose it and wouldn't forget to do anything. I also found that using it as a tick list was helpful. The other option it to write all homework in a planner as soon as he is given it, before he leaves the room. I found this was extremely useful in high school but less so at university where work was set online. Although I did find that I was often the last to leave the room because I was writing work down, no one ever seemed to mind and it was usually a good moment to mention to the teacher if I was struggling with something.

On the social side of things I find that it takes a lot of effort to socialize with groups people and I tend to only socialize when the group has a purpose eg scouts. I have, however, found that I really enjoy socializing with a single person at a time and now engineer situations eg. shopping trips/study sessions with one friend at a time.


I hope this helps.