Dyspraxic Adults

Hi

Some members of my family are dyspraxic. I haven't but I struggle socially with other people and I have poor coordination and I'm not very neat. I like having a routine and dislike change and usually for any change, I have to get used to the idea at least 2 weeks in advance. However I have always excelled academically because I worked hard and spent most of time in libraries which explains why it could have been missed or the possibility that I have dyspraxia was overlooked. I'm wondering, is it worth seeing the doctor and getting diagnosed as I feel reluctant to do so?

Currently, I'm very stressed. I have a relatively new job which involves communicating with others on a daily basis. I was obsessed with studying previously and I loved reading, other than family parties, I didn't really socialise. Now I'm struggling with this aspect and find it hard to 'say the right thing' to social network as I've realized its importance. I can relate to people and sympathise but I'm rubbish at maintaining friendships. I wish I socialised more at university. I get on with colleagues in my department and with others but I get anxiety regarding communicating with others, I'm not familiar with. My family is sociable and do not find it awkward to be with other people. It doesn't help that I'm learning that people are not always 'straight with you' and can back stab. Maybe my moral expectations are too high? Some people think I'm just naive. I also stress out quite easily and worry to the point of silliness. My family find it worrying. I'm also looking for a career change because my job is extremely stressful.

Ideally, I'd like to have a career which doesn't involve other people but it's a stupid wish unless I become a writer as I love writing. I just want to feel at ease with people. Any suggestions?

Hi Reader

Welcome to the forums (or fora). I think it's very much the case that we need to have more confidence in the social skills we do have so that we can grow from there.

Some people can be confusing, even two-faced. I know it can be difficult to trust but sometimes we need to give people the benefit of the doubt and if they then turn out to abuse that be very guarded with how/if we deal with them again. We seem to very much tend to rise above all that. we're not perfect but we try to be so, despite there being precious little reward. I wish more people had the empathy/thoughtfulness we often exhibit.

I don't think even being a writer you can avoid interaction with other people. Publishers, agents, bank managers, etc. Besides, as well as bad there are good experiences to be had too and these experiences will give you ideas to write about. It is oh so easy to be frozen by fear of what others might think/say/act. I do worry about it myself too and know how horrible it can feel.

It's sounds like you have some dyspraxic tendencies but that you have just got on and worked hard and have developed your own coping strategies that have got you to where you are. As to the pros and cons of 'diagnosis' on the one hand it can help people/employers to be more understanding of your difference. On the other awareness is patchy at best and getting a diagnosis out of the NHS can be a struggle as it's a lottery. (more in Getting Help and Assessment and in plenty of other threads here). I hope this site helps you to get to a stage whereby you can make an informed decision for yourself on how/whether you pursue a diagnosis.

Hi Tom

Thank you for taking time to reply. I feel a lot better. I think I was just feeling overwhelmed and having a new post after university (I spent four years in university), I was a bit daunted and learnt a lot about myself. When I'm working, I'm always positive and smile to hide my nervousness Generally, (this will sound stupid), people do like me, because I avoid moaning, but I don't have great presence or impact. I have three loyal friends who I trust and who I feel at ease with. I've known these friends for more than five years.

Because I do not always know what the right thing to say is and I'm thinking about looking into courses that deal with interpersonal skills.

I do enjoy spending time with other people, I think it's new people that cause me anxiety and also having more confidence in myself.

Thank you for replying to my 'post' (aka emotional downpour) earlier.

You're most welcome

Please don't feel bad about the emotional downpour. We are all prone to feeling like this at times when things seem like they're all too much!

All the best for 2014

Have you thought of taking acting classes? it is really good for getting better social and communication skills as well as reducing anxiety.

Reader1 - I am the exact same as you. In school and Uni, I spent hours on end in the library, and ended up with C's just about.

I don't know the solution here, but what I do is try and socialise more often, and settle into social situations using the principles of CBT. Remember that you are just as important as any of them - God loves each of us equally.

Patrick.