Dyspraxic Adults

Hello,

I was recently dumped by my girlfriend of three months (a very hard one indeed). I liked her a lot and cared for her dearly. However it wasn't the normal break up as in either of us did something wrong to each other (we are both Christians by the way), it just seemed to happen because of certain things I would like to clear up because it really hurts now knowing that this could be a possibility that I knew nothing about and would like to put forward some symptoms she had and see if it could be possible that she suffered from it and the reason why she broke up with me. She was such a lovely person with a kind heart and this is why it hurts so much. I think because of these symptoms some things I said she may have gotten entirely the wrong idea of and thought the relationship was going no where or wanted to pull out of it when I had no intention of or didn't mean to at all. When I first met my girlfriend she told me she had dyslexia. I basically said it didn't matter and thought nothing of it although I did research it but found that it didn't really affect someone, mainly only reading and writing problems so I didn't really worry about it. However, now that I think about it there are so many other things that she did that couldn't possibly be just that. These are the things she did or said that was happening whilst I was with her in this short time (sorry if they aren't in any particular order)-

- On our first date she made strange humming noises. later on when she told me she was playing a game with something she said she was making funny noises when the game got a bit excited. Liked to try and act silly a lot of the time as well.
- Other dates she sung tunes to herself, no particular song.
- She made no intention to touch me, kiss me, hug me or do anything really romantic unless I did so first. Seemed to have spacial problems and problems with quick movemts. Perhaps didn't want to really touch me (even told me she didn't like me touching her ears)
- She told me she couldn't take compliments nor could give any. Had difficulty accepting gifts and showing real appreciation for them.
- She was always trying to get people to encourage her (but bless her, could rarely give any in return)
- Difficulty understand what people were saying to her (a conversation on a more debatable topic would end more on a well, really?, silence, what? disagreement ect) and would probably end with her thinking they were saying something wrong to her.
- On some occasions for some reason thought I wasn't happy to see her or would read my emotions wrongly. I can be very sarcastic sometimes which is probably a big no no in this situation. Sometimes I think she even thought I was happy to see.
- She would skip down a hill or put her arms out whilst running.
- On a sporting level the only real time I got to see how she would do was playing mini golf. Too which she could barely hit the ball, in fact on the first go she hit the turf instead. Had no intention or in the past of playing any other sports, cycling or playing a musical instrument.
- She would never wear any make up or perfume. Too which she just had a normal body smell about her, which to be honest I didn't mind.
- She said she had an immune system disease which the doctors couldn't really work out what it was. She over most of the relationship had something wrong with her eyes. She said it was a infection. Could it possibly be that because she cried a lot of didn't look after herself properly that's why they were infected? I knew she cried a lot because she would say that at work she even had to run out of the room once because something upset her so much.
- She would say things that would upset me. She even picked on one of my favourite interests in front of my family instead of sticking up for me.
- In large groups of people she would rarely say anything. Had a real difficulty going anywhere past small talk about how my day was ect. Would sit there and say nothing sometimes, when I was on the phone I even asked her sometimes if she was still there and the phone hadn't been disconnected.
- I set up a surprise birthday party for her too which her friend told her about, I think because they said she didn't like surprises perhaps because of how she would react in front of people.
- She was such a loving and caring person but would sometimes have really harsh views on things too which I don't think she realised and would hurt people by saying so.
- Couldn't watch really any movies that would scare or frighten her unless someone was with her. Told me once in a cinema she jumped out of her seat and everyone laughed at her.
- She couldn't drink soft drinks because of the texture and a number of other foods. Also couldn't stand certain types of clothing.
- For a person in her 20's she seemed to have little to no things of her own and ended up wearing a lot of the same clothes.
- Barely liked anything girly, some things that would be the norm for most girls like watching chick flicks of going shopping. Just wasn't interested. Probably hit the jack pot with that one but then again it could be down to this situation.
- Didn't like people either telling her off, thinking badly of her or not understanding her.
- Went for a job promotion she had no chance of getting because she had just started there. When she was putting in the application she took ages to do so as she would get distracted by watching a movie or doing house work.
- Had problems understanding my thoughts or emotions a lot of the time. I somethings can be very sarcastic, probably a big no no in this situation?
- Would opt out of doing things like going on long bus rides or going out for new years eve (this year coming out, thought it would be a good idea). Said she would rather just sit at home. In the end I realised she would even try and pull out of things she really enjoyed doing like going to church or her bible study.
- Always said she couldn't do something even though she could eg. Said she always closed her eyes whilst taking a photo even though she didn't.
- Seemed to dislike anything she couldn't understand or do. Especially some of my interests and straight away wanted to show no interest in them.
- Couldn't stand hot weather.
- On many occasions she said she had headaches and suffered from tiredness, feeling frustrated about herself.
- Loved painting but only abstract ones. I think this wasn't because she just liked doing those, but because she couldn't paint anything else. Could barely stand paintings or drawings that you could make out. She had a painting she had done and although I encouraged her and said it was great, it sadly wasn't at all :-(.
- Always wanted to be in competition with someone, even me or her friends.
- Was critical about things but complained when I was critical about exactly the same things. Would constantly contradict herself.
- Laughed really loudly and would wave her heard around a lot.
- Never said anything romantic or about my looks or personality in person but could over the phone.
- Seemed to have little awareness of anything around her even in her own town. I'm from overseas and I ended up nearly telling her where we could go and I didn't even live in her city. Was really unsure of where to take me on dates.
- Acted like she was really insecure about things from herself to just being safe. Would lock her car whilst driving, even when I was with her. Was also scared of going on a pier at the ocean with me even though she loved the beach and I held her hand.
- Too me she felt really uncomfortable around me with regard touch or movement. Perhaps why she never tried to kiss me out of the blue ect?? I would constantly try/ have to put her in a body position where she may feel comfortable.
- Had a real self image problem. Constantly worried what people would/ thought of her.
- In her late 20's but had not had a date for 7 years at least.
- I found her very attractive but to quite honest just by looking at her there was a feeling that something was up???? She just seemed in general really awkward around me. I just go that feeling for some reason and now I think I understand why.
- Had real emotional problems and coping with them.
- Rearly expressed how she felt about me or situations all through the relationship and in the end just left me, without hardly an explanations. Apparently wanted to tell me how she felt but couldn't.

The list could go on but I will leave it there. Hope somebody can give me insight onto some things. Thanks for reading if you do.

:-(
-

Hi

Not sure there is an easy answer to your post, Yes there are some dyspraxic traits there, but it seems like she may have had other things to contend with too and I don't think it is right about you or me to speculate about what they might be, or what you or you/she could/should have done. You obviously do care a great deal though. it is possible she felt smothered a bit?

I can understand and do sense you feel lost. Who knows you may be able (or have already been able) to reconcile and move on from your split?

Many people dyspraxic and otherwise fear being judged and struggle with accepting ourselves first and foremost. We are often our own harshest critics, and can sometimes be hypersensitive to perceived criticism and can sometimes struggle even with what is meant as constructive criticism as we have more than enough of our own self generated self criticism to contend with as it is. We all have things to offer though it is easy to let things become all consuming

I guess you were just too different and I hope I don't come across as too harsh as I know/suspect I will encounter further personal difficulties myself of a similar, related or more original nature.

When I first met my girlfriend she told me she had dyslexia. I basically said it didn't matter and thought nothing of it although I did research it but found that it didn't really affect someone, mainly only reading and writing problems so I didn't really worry about it.

Without wishing to come across as judgmental or rude, this one of the problems which greatly affects people talking abut their problems. Now, it's clear that you wanted to be supportive and did some research but the bold section in the quote shows that you didn't really understand it at all because you dismissed it as not a problem. She may have felt differently.

In the end just left me, without hardly an explanations. Apparently wanted to tell me how she felt but couldn't.

She clearly has big issues with confidence, the thing is when you have one of these neurological conditions it's extremely difficult to even begin describing it or explaining it. That's partly due to some of the difficulties of the condition but also because as the bold section above shows that it's even harder to get another person to see things from your perspective even when you do find a way to describe it.

Forgive me, for I am not trying to criticise you personally at all, as it's clear that your heart is in the right place.

Hi,
It sounds like there were lots of difficulties she was facing, and it can be hard to be supportive when you don't know what is going on for her. Obviously it is impossible to know online, but some of the traits you suggest sound like some elements of Aspergers/ASD. e.g. tendency to prefer literal language, problems perceiving others feelings and opinions, reading some situations, may lack awareness of self-care. I have several friends with Aspergers and they are obviously all individuals, and are funny, intelligent people. Alternatively, she may just be anxious which makes her comfortable around others.
If you still have feelings for her, you might want to at least talk about why she ended the relationship.
Best of luck to you both x