Sorry, really need to share this with people who understand...
came home last night after long day working (started 830 and got home at 2220) to find that my partner had rearranged the whole bloody kitchen, without any warning, no text, no message, nothing. I spotted a tray had swapped to the other side of the room when letting myself in....and thought - that's in a strange place...but not just that - EVERYTHING had moved round (well everything that isn't stuck down that is!). He was so PLEASED with himself...expected me to be happy with the fact that I now had to get used to this new arrangement before I could even make myself a cuppa. Then he got really upset with my lack of enthusiasm. I know to the rest of the world 'it is just a kitchen' as he put it...but we have talked SO MANY TIMES about how I can't handle change in some parts of the house (my study, the kitchen) without warning. And he seems every time we discuss it to be ok with it. I accept his oddities (everyone has them - even nondyspraxics) but he just won't even bother to start accepting mine it seems. What makes it worse is he knows how stressed I was yesterday (I don't know what work hours, if any I will have in a few weeks) and he decided to add to my stress by rearranging the kitchen. I really can't cope with him any more...I am so depressed with it all...
then this morning he had the cheek to ask me why I'm so depressed and unenthusiastic about everything nowadays and I explained that as he always rebuffs my enthusiasm and my joy of life, slaps it down verbally and never enters into anything joyous or exciting, I am out of enthusiasm...it is too tiring to keep being jolly and happy and excited about life when the other person is a sink of negativity. I can't do it any more...there is no point...
sorry...just need to explain to like-minded people who wouldn't just think I was mad for getting so upset about my kitchen being rearranged like that....
thank you
Need to share with people who understand
Moderator: Moderator Team
Re: Need to share with people who understand
Many people are just like that I'm afraid, they're unable to see past their own perception and as a concenquence unable to accommodate other people's needs.
There's many aspects.
There's the people who no matter how much you tell them and ask them not to do a particular thing to or about you, will remain oblivious and continue doing the things which stress you out. And when your tether of tolerance breaks and you snap at them they get all upset and offended and suddenly it's as though you're the one who is being unreasonable. (It's almost like people who readily mock others but are unable to tolerate jokes at their own expense).
Then there's the people who take in what you say, realise something stresses you out and then proceed to bring it about because they know it'll wind you up basically because they're selfishly simple minded enough to think it's funny.
And yet almost worst of all are the people clever enough to understand the logic behind your perception and logic but are nonetheless completely dismissive about it and otherwise uncompromising. Instead opting to be believe it's a lack of effort on your part.
These people have no idea how draining it is for us to simply tolerate them and not get to upset with them.
There's many aspects.
There's the people who no matter how much you tell them and ask them not to do a particular thing to or about you, will remain oblivious and continue doing the things which stress you out. And when your tether of tolerance breaks and you snap at them they get all upset and offended and suddenly it's as though you're the one who is being unreasonable. (It's almost like people who readily mock others but are unable to tolerate jokes at their own expense).
Then there's the people who take in what you say, realise something stresses you out and then proceed to bring it about because they know it'll wind you up basically because they're selfishly simple minded enough to think it's funny.
And yet almost worst of all are the people clever enough to understand the logic behind your perception and logic but are nonetheless completely dismissive about it and otherwise uncompromising. Instead opting to be believe it's a lack of effort on your part.
These people have no idea how draining it is for us to simply tolerate them and not get to upset with them.
“When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore”
That's amore”
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Captain_Ludd
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Re: Need to share with people who understand
Hi minniemoo,
I think we all get it its not just you, what he did was completely ignorant and inconsiderate (sorry to say that about your other half but its true).
It would be a forgiveable mistake if you hadn't explained to him several times, he could have at least mentioned it to you first, I know non dyspraxics that would go mental if there other half's did that and for a dyspraxic its even worse.
I see where your coming from, having things done in a certain way is part of your life coping mechanism and when things are changed without you knowing you get uber stressed, I'm the same (as are probably half the people here).
Unfortunately some people don't understand (and there not dyspraxic so how can they?) or don't care.
In this instance I think its more the former but the thing that would wind me up is the fact that even if he doesn't understand he should be able to accept and at least ask.
What Jim said about some people not seeing past there own preconceptions is so true I'm afraid, its not malicious its just small minded and short sighted.
Have you explained why you need things in a certain way not just what you need? if not may be tell him and how it makes you feel when things are changed, if hes worth his salt he'll accept
As regard to his lack of ethuiasm thing try not to take it so hard if he's not the enthusiastic type doesn't always mean he being negative, God knows my idea of enthusiastic is the occasional half arsed Woo!
.
I know its easy to say but try not to get to stressed about it its just not worth it, just start changing things back and do things your own sweet way, and if he starts stressing you out again come talk to us
.
I think we all get it its not just you, what he did was completely ignorant and inconsiderate (sorry to say that about your other half but its true).
It would be a forgiveable mistake if you hadn't explained to him several times, he could have at least mentioned it to you first, I know non dyspraxics that would go mental if there other half's did that and for a dyspraxic its even worse.
I see where your coming from, having things done in a certain way is part of your life coping mechanism and when things are changed without you knowing you get uber stressed, I'm the same (as are probably half the people here).
Unfortunately some people don't understand (and there not dyspraxic so how can they?) or don't care.
In this instance I think its more the former but the thing that would wind me up is the fact that even if he doesn't understand he should be able to accept and at least ask.
What Jim said about some people not seeing past there own preconceptions is so true I'm afraid, its not malicious its just small minded and short sighted.
Have you explained why you need things in a certain way not just what you need? if not may be tell him and how it makes you feel when things are changed, if hes worth his salt he'll accept
As regard to his lack of ethuiasm thing try not to take it so hard if he's not the enthusiastic type doesn't always mean he being negative, God knows my idea of enthusiastic is the occasional half arsed Woo!
.I know its easy to say but try not to get to stressed about it its just not worth it, just start changing things back and do things your own sweet way, and if he starts stressing you out again come talk to us
.Re: Need to share with people who understand
Thank you so much for your support and reassurance that I wasn't completely out of order for being so upset about it. I have explained **soooooo** many times why and how I feel about it. He says that it makes him feel like a guest in his own house! But I don't mind if we talk it through and change things together, then I can handle it. It was just that at that moment I couldn't cope with anything more and then there was something. I wouldn't mind so much but I go out of my way to try and understand how he feels about things - he has massive panics for what are, in my mind, no reasons to get even slightly panicked - they are always inconsequential things that might/won't happen...but I try so hard not to judge him for it, to be supportive and not to tell him to just pull himself together, but when it comes to the other way round he just simply refuses or can't accept me and my way of life. It's never been such an issue for me before - suddenly my 'dyspraxia' is an *Issue* - with a big neon capital "I"...I've never made it one, I've always just quietly got on with it and been around people who accept my quirkiness without wondering if it is a 'mental problem' (not my words). When I tried to so nicely explain at nearly 11 the other night why it threw me so much about the kitchen, he ended up saying in the most patronizing of voices "is this a dyspraxic thing?" and at that moment I found myself saying that is wasn't, it was just me, my character...which it is..the dyspraxia is ME...I'm so scared to give him more ammunition against me - I wish I'd never told him about the dyspraxia - I just wanted him to understand, but he understands less and tells me I am making my life difficult on purpose (oh, yes, that is exactly what us dyspraxics do, isn't it????)
Sorry, don't mean to moan, it's so nice to talk to people who understand and don't judge... thank you.
As for enthusiasm Captain Ludd - I would love a half arsed woo! I've never succeeded in even getting that - and as someone who **needs** to get excited about things, or else feels squashed and ultimately depressed - it is hard to keep positive when you never get anything back, not even a half arsed woo!!!!
one day I will have the chance/money to leave...just wish that day was today...
Sorry, don't mean to moan, it's so nice to talk to people who understand and don't judge... thank you.
As for enthusiasm Captain Ludd - I would love a half arsed woo! I've never succeeded in even getting that - and as someone who **needs** to get excited about things, or else feels squashed and ultimately depressed - it is hard to keep positive when you never get anything back, not even a half arsed woo!!!!
one day I will have the chance/money to leave...just wish that day was today...
Re: Need to share with people who understand
I can completely relate to everything you said there I'd be the same, I hate change epecially when it's to do with memory and organisation issues it just throws me completely as I get it stuck in my head where things are as my memory and organisation are naturally so weak. Your boyfriend needs to more understand I think the memory and organisation issues you may have and how a big change like that will completely throw you.