Is this normal?

[Happydays]

Hi all, I am in a fairly new relationship with a guy who is dyspraxic. We live together but I am finding he has mood swings and then if he can't cope he finishes the relationship and within half a day we are back on track. I find he is irrational and if we are talking he often changes from thought to the next and often is not sure about how he feels. He seems to be irrational, erratic and generally his actions have no logic. I guess I am on here as I wanted to learn more about Dyspraxia in adults as there is not much information and is more to do with children. I love him dearly and I hope to either be able to cope with this or not or if this is normal.

[Tim G]

There is no set of exact symptions that all dyspraxic people will experance all of them but from what your describing it does sound quite normal. The dyspraxic mind is in genrally disorganised, naturlie imature and can easley be overloaded and confused a lack of genral awareness and mental helth issues can also be involved in the dyspraxic mind.

I know that it can't be easy espshlie if your not dyspraxic and can't realate to it but my advice would be to talk to him about it and try to find ways around and to cope with it - there is also plenty of info on hear that helps.

[Jim]

There is one very small way you could relate to a Dyspraxic's difficulties though.

Everyone has their own "blonde" moment when they do something unfathomable, but for most people it's not their own personal norm and is a rare or one off moment.

For a Dyspraxic it's the opposite and these unfathomable quirks are their norm and they happen regularly, almost routinely infact.

If you can remember how you feel after your own "blonde" moment and consider that a Dyspraxic feels that but times 10 and pretty much all the time, you may realise how a person's self esteem, confidence, focus, self conscious and hence mood and behaviour could be effected.

This doesn't mean that you'll understand and see it from their perspective, but it could help you accept, accommodate and cope with it.

Like Tim says, no two people are ever going to be the same and everyone has their very own "norm". But if you take the literal meaning of Dyspraxia which is Greek for "difficulty with doing" (or a translation to that effect), some Dyspraxic people may find many social situations difficult, stressful and intimidating and their mood and behaviour could be affected adversely. Or the same thing with many day to day living skills that most people would simply take for granted.

The thing is when you find something (that everyone else finds simple) forever difficult regardless of how hard you try to conquer it.. It makes you feel stupid, it makes you feel worthless and embarrassed and sometimes it's too easy to let it affect your social interaction.

I'm not saying that's how it is for your Boyfriend, he might be significantly different from me and I'm not saying it to excuse any un-reasonable behaviour on his part, I'm just trying to describe how a Dyspraxic or a person on the autistic scale interprets the world in really quite a different way to the society "norm" to a degree that it's almost like being on an alien planet.

[PhilB]

I agree very much with Tim and Jim's comments.

It is different for all of us, but there are a few bits in the original comment that strike a chord. I am very much one for talking about one thing, suddenly being distracted and talking about something else - similar with jobs round the house start one thing, then get distracted by another and another. I do get stuff done, but in a very haphazard way. My wife would also argue that I am often irrational and act without thinking/logic.

I really get the not knowing how he feels as well. More often than not I just don't get that gut feeling on hearing something, I need to take time to digest it and think my way round to what it means for me and those I care about and the feelings then come from that. I appreciate that it can come across as uncaring in the first instance but the feelings are there, it just takes me longer to get to them than others.

I'm sure it can be frustrating, but if you can find a way of communicating that works for you as a couple it can also have great benefits. E.g. without that sudden rush of anger/frustration when something happens that he doesn't like then rather than lashing out he may withdraw for a bit, think it through and discuss more calmly. If he's anything like me that depends on you giving him the space to do that. The flip side to that is you may not often get sudden positive reactions from him - so he may need to put a special effort into showing you how he feels about you (in a good way) to make sure that you feel valued and loved as well.

I don't really get the mood swings, but if the dyspraxia is causing him high stress levels at work, or historic difficulties have given him confidence/security issues that may have played a part. Equally he may just be struggling on the communication front, and running away to think things through when it is all too much. Depending on the cause this could be easy or hard to deal with and I wish you both a succesful outcome.

Just one final word of warning - I think it's great that you have come on here to find out more, but he needs to work with you to make the relationship work. By all means give him the time and support to try and find a way that works for you both (my wife has given me plenty of both), but don't try and do it all by yourself.

[lauraECFan]

How about if you sit down and talk through all the problems that his mood swings can cause I admit I can have some very nasty moodswings and when my partner makes me aware of it I tend to try and find the reason why I had that mood swing and if I find out what it is I try to find what about that thing made me have that moodswing and then try to avoid it from then on.

Hope this helps

[Tim G]

Jims comment about dyspraxica being like having 'blond' or stupid moments or days but all the time is verry true - I am certantly one to have this