Going into town as a group and approaching people.

[Little Miss Anxious]

hat is the right way to approach people and how I get myself in a social group?

I am a 25 year old mature student on a 3 year programme in Galway college. It is my first year.

I enjoy music, learning, reading and going out watching movies and just chilling out.

I say hello to people sitting beside me during lectures and change the places where I seat but nothing comes out of it. I have asked them what they think of the course etc and may even have made some jokes or just got kinda Witty. some fellas who I did that to responded in a positive way.

I have given my email to some and given my mobile number to some.

Nobody wanted to get to know me in my tutorials.

I am nervous around people I don't know and when making friends.

I would like some like minded friends in their 20s or early 30s who are doing one or more of my subjects and are in my year.

in a few societies I went to there were only 2nd and third year and many were not even doing my subjects.

Most people tend to be already in a group and many people seem to know people from secondary school or another course.

I am getting no attention from men either which doesn't usually happen.

One man who is older than me has suggested that I engage with people in order to make friends but I do do that. A college service worker suggested that I just ask them to hang out on the first time I meet them and maybe even ask them for their number on the first time I meet them.

On my leaving a course card in 2007 it said "the life and soul of the party". Many people including my family have said that I am an interesting person and very likable. some believe me to be charismatic and witty. some believe that I should be popular.

There has to be something wrong with me because I am not attracting many people. I am not getting anywhere with anybody. Most of my older sisters friends think I am cool and that is because they told me themselves and because my sister told me that when I was depressed and when I was not depressed. I have hung around with my sisters friends in Sligo where I am originally from and they loved my company every time.

I have dcd or motor delay which effects the organisation of my thoughts and my timing. I have dyspraxia.

I want some friends to go to nightclubs and music gigs and to the movies with and I also want friends who will help me with my study or subjects.

Any ideas?

Thanks for listening.

WB....

[robert7111a]

Hi LittlemissAnxious

Have you considered looking at your own body language? It might be you are giving off some negative signals.

For example I did not realise I had "angry eyes" or that I looked at people for too long (as I am trying to learn non-verbal body language myself)

Smiling also helps (as you're a gal, should be no problem!)

[Captain_Ludd]

Hi Little Miss Anxious,

Please don't take this the wrong cos it not meant to by in anyway derogatory but it sounds like you may be trying just a little too hard to be liked.
I know it may sound a little odd but as robert7111a has pointed out you can see this in peoples body language and it can put people off before they've even got to know you.
You seem to be a perfectly nice person from what I've read so may be you just need to relax into things instead of trying to push people to like you.
A couple of my friends sound similar to you, I'm a naturally fairly quiet and reserved sort of person (some say a bit anti-social even) so when I first met them they seemed a little over powering and too eager to the point where i would actively try and avoid them.
One openly admits she hates being by herself and tends to almost pester people until they like her (randomly sitting down next to you while your eating and talking at you etc ) once she relaxed in to herself we got on really well.
Maybe you need to learn to be a little more content in your own company then you wont end up being so anxious about making friends to the point were it affecting your ability to do so.
Although I have to say I am really envious of your ability to just go up and start talking to people no way I could do that without a couple of drinks first .