Hi new to this

[MilesMoore]

Hello everyone new to this site

[MilesMoore]

From London I'm 22 and unemployed and live with parents and got no friends

[booky63]

I believe my son has Dyspraxia but he has never been diagnosed because as a child it wasn't obvious. He's been at university for 3 years now and manages his life okay.

In hindsight looking back I can see character traits that formed that showed he could have Dyspraxia. He doesn't know his left from right. His handwriting seems to change all the time. He has problems with co-ordination and took longer than average to pass his driving test. He passed exams with ease and although he is highly intelligent he seems to have a different thought combined with communication process. He's not big on talking and If I'm talking to him, he'll stop me mid-conversation because he doesn't want to continue to talk any more. Nothing is done in moderation so when he finds he's good at something, he'll indulge all the time. He spends hours doing what he knows he's good at and will continually want to do it day after day, to the point of obsessing. He goes back to what he knows very quickly and won't try new things. His room is constantly untidy. The list is endless.

He has problems with sleeping, always has since he was a baby. Just wondering if anyone can relate to any of these traits. I would love to hear from anyone who may resonate with these kind of problems. It would be helpful to know if what I think we're dealing with, we are dealing with. Thank you.

[Tim G]

Hi Miles - welcome to the forum, this is a good place to comumacate with people and hopefully make frends - there is a meetup happening this weekend for the 10k run Kiran is doing for the Dyspraxicia foundation - check out the topic in the events section of the forum.

From what your describing it sounds like you son is probably dyspraxic and also could have aspergic trates beceuse this is often chartricised by the obbesive nature and sochal diffrance (allthough the sochal skills issue is also a dyspraxic trate as well)

[AlleyCat]

Hi booky63. It seems as if your son definitely has symptoms of dyspraxia- I've been formally diagnosed with the condition and have also had problems with handwriting, coordination, keeping my room tidy and learning to drive. However, I agree with Tim that your son also seems to be showing symptoms of asperger syndrome, so you might want to do research on this. Stopping you mid-conversation is more likely to be something which someone with asperger syndrome would do, as someone who had dyspraxia but not aspergers would probably be worried about hurting the other person's feelings by doing this. Other symptoms of asperger syndrome which your son is demonstrating are being obsessed with one subject and not wanting to try new things. It's actually quite common for people who have dyspraxia to have another 'neuro-diverse' condition as well- although I've not been officially diagnosed with it, I'm fairly sure that I also have ADHD. Some people with dyspraxia also have asperger syndrome, as I suspect is the case with your son, and quite a lot of people who have dyspraxia also have dyslexia.

[booky63]

Thank you AlleyCat for your response. it really is a shame that if my son had still been in school and and things had have been obvious to us, we would have sought help to work out what we were dealing with back then.

He is now 21 and at university and managing to live his life, so I'm grateful for that. It's too late now I feel to start looking for outside help and my son would be completely against it anyway. We have talked about the fact that I think he has Dyspraxia and he is okay with that, but I'm just wondering now if you have any tips so that he can live his live without becoming too intense and obsessed about things. I'll think about things myself to see if I can come up with anything.

Anything that helps you cope better with what you deal with may help us cope with what we deal with.

[StuartDotC]

Hi booky63.

I'm glad to hear your son is at uni and doing well with it, It seems that a lot of un-diagnosed dyspraxics (myself included, I didn't even know about dyspraxia until I was about 29) just give up presuming they are just stupid. As for helping you could maybe suggest he joins here or somewhere similar where he can share any problems, sometimes it's easier to talk to strangers on the internet than family/friends as your not really worried what they think of you so much.

[booky63]

Hi Stuart

Many many thanks for writing in response to my response. I would be pleased for my son to join, but I know he won't, which is one of the reasons I joined instead. It's helpful to know how other people deal with Dyspraxia and I am happy to learn. If you have any advice that you think will help me, I'd be very grateful.

[Jim]

Hi, it's probably best to just let him get on with it.

It sounds like he has an independent streak which I can totally relate to and he may feel quite demeaned at the very thought of receiving any help no matter how well meaning it is.

If he's coping and it sounds like he is then tackling difficulties himself will be a learning experience which could well make him stronger, boost his confidence, self esteem and pride!

I always found on many things that I actually got on with something far better when all the interference of other people went away and I could concentrate by myself without interruption. Despite my co-ordination problems I actually taught myself how to ride a bicycle (I was about 4 or 5 at the time), looking back at it I realise that prior to that my parents & siblings trying to help me with only served to confuse me further. When I had a situation without interference from others I was able to learn & adapt.

[booky63]

Hi Jim

Many thanks for responding to my thread. I totally agree with you. The problem we had started almost two years ago when our son was assaulted whilst at university and was left with a broken nose. It's a very long story, probably too long to mention, but my son made a decision with regard to the assault that left us all in a very dark place as a family. It's been a long road back but we're getting there. On a day to day footing he has full reign to make his own decisions, based on university life. He's left to get on with university without our interference which we are happy to do. It's less stress for us at the end of the day, but as parents we have to make sure he's making sound decisions. On this occasion as you will appreciate we were left with no choice but to deal with things. It's taken just over two years and we're getting there finally.

[Jim]

Ah yeah, getting assaulted isn't nice. I got assaulted myself this year (at work!) and ended up having stitches in my lips. Definitely not a nice experience especially if you don't like needles!

I harbour many resentments over that because unfortunately for me the system protects my assailant more than it does me. But that's a completely different story.

But it was also something I needed my own space to come to terms with. Being a stubborn person I wanted to bounce back and not let it affect me, so I returned to work after only a few days. That was a misjudgement. Partly because the person who assulted me was (and is) still there, and emotions were still too raw but also because everyone else had to ask me how I were and all that (perfectly good intentions) but it meant I had to constantly relive the assault and was unable to forget it or move on. It brought about a lot of anxiety and I ended up actually going off work again. My GP wrote me off work for a month which was good because it allowed me the space to simply get away from it all and focus on other things.

[booky63]

I totally agree with you and yes the system does seem to support the perpetrator. I feel for you too and hope you're okay and that you have managed to move on with your life. I believe in karma and know this guy will be accountable and although my son never brought him to task (my son's decision not to find out or report him) he didn't seem to have a problem with the assault, he had a problem with his looks pertaining to the assault. I think my son's inability to communicate is brought about because he struggles with dyspraxial. That's what's made this even tougher. It's also made it harder for us as a family, as we had to come to terms with it too. I am all for wanting him to deal with his thoughts by himself, but as a family we have also had to function to be able to help him. Our son's moods reflected his thoughts as he began to cope even less. We all began to cope separately and that split the family in four different directions. Not the best scenario to deal with as well as work through two new operations to fix his nose because the first operation failed.

[Tim G]

Hi Booky

Being a young dyspraxic adult myself it really isent easy at all (easpshlie at unie) and not everyone survives its eaven harder if you have a dysablitie such as dyspraxicia.
It seams your doing the best you can so well done - what I advise is to try and understand the best you can about dyspraxicia and try to see it from his perspective. If he wants to be inderpendet then let him dont do thing for him as really being inderpendent and learning for yourself where nessary is really important for dyspraxics.

If he dosent want to join the forum then fair enough, thats his choice but he is more then welcome hear and it could help - just let him know this.

[booky63]

Hi Tim. Many thanks for your comments. I agree with you. My son is completely independent. I have always tried to instill independence in him since he was a little boy, partly because I didn't have my own independence and I knew how important it was for him to become independent and partly because to make it in the outside world we have to be independent. As a family it's important for us to know about what he deals with. We try our best, but it's not always easy. Every day is a learning curve, we're bound to stumble over things in the process, but the hardest part for us is his inability to communicate or take our feelings into consideration, even with the support he gets. It doesn't matter what network of support we give him, he seems too self-absorbed to even care, which is a problem. I also believe that outside influences are a contributing factor on top of dealing with what he deals with. As a family we want what's best for him.