Dyspraxia and grief
Moderator: Moderator Team
-
- Getting settled in
- Posts: 20
- Joined: Sun Jan 24, 2010 3:22 am
Dyspraxia and grief
Hello again,
Not sure if this is the right place to post this but seemed the most logical place.A few weeks ago a very close friend of mine died after a short illness and I can't get my head around the way I'm feeling.Before my friend's death I was a emotional wreck,crying all the time and that sort of stuff.The funeral was last week and I didn't cry or show any emotion.That's what got me worried.
It seems like I'm not acknowledging my feelings,I know what's happened,but to be honest I don't want to feel anything because I don't want to appear weak.
One of my other friends who knows what has happened, commented that they are worried about me because I seem to be acting in a cold and hard manner. I don't mean to act like this and didn't even realise I was doing so.I think it's a type of defence mechanism against the grief and pain.
I suppose what I'm trying to ask is that is this a natural part of grief that everyone experiences or is just something dyspraxic people experience.At the moment I feel that I'm being very callous as I can't feel or don't want to feel anything.
Thanks for listening
Alex
Not sure if this is the right place to post this but seemed the most logical place.A few weeks ago a very close friend of mine died after a short illness and I can't get my head around the way I'm feeling.Before my friend's death I was a emotional wreck,crying all the time and that sort of stuff.The funeral was last week and I didn't cry or show any emotion.That's what got me worried.
It seems like I'm not acknowledging my feelings,I know what's happened,but to be honest I don't want to feel anything because I don't want to appear weak.
One of my other friends who knows what has happened, commented that they are worried about me because I seem to be acting in a cold and hard manner. I don't mean to act like this and didn't even realise I was doing so.I think it's a type of defence mechanism against the grief and pain.
I suppose what I'm trying to ask is that is this a natural part of grief that everyone experiences or is just something dyspraxic people experience.At the moment I feel that I'm being very callous as I can't feel or don't want to feel anything.
Thanks for listening
Alex
Re: Dyspraxia and grief
It took me 4 months to cry when my mum died. I seemed to be in a kind of anesthetic cloud, even hyper at the beginning. People seemed to find very strange the way I was behaving and some people say I was very cruel (I used to joke about my mums death, saying that I was going to call her on the phone or things like that and then burst into laughs). Don't judge yourself if you don't go around crying on everyone's shoulders. Each person express grief in a different way and you have the right to do whatever you feel like. Don't let people make you feel bad because you're not behaving the way they expect.
Hope you get on well with it.
Hope you get on well with it.
Eva in London
Re: Dyspraxia and grief
I agree. I'd much rather think about the person the way they were before. I couldn't bear to see my grandmother in a home. She didn't recognise anyone and she wasn't herself at all. I know people thought that that was awful but I'd much rather remember her the way she had been. It was so upsetting to see her like a frail old lady when really she was the hostest with the mostest.
Re: Dyspraxia and grief
I agree, with what others have said before. Everyone greives in different ways, you are probably still in shock which is perfectly natural when you lose someone who is close to you. Don't let other people tell you how you should grieve. The crying will come when you are reafy for it. Your body is just finding it's own way to cope with the news.
-
- New member - welcome them!
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Fri May 31, 2013 10:10 pm
Re: Dyspraxia and grief
Hi, i know this is an old post but thought id reply as i can relate to it
firstly id like to say sorry for your loss.
my mother passed away just over a year ago, to start with i cried alot but when my then girlfriend (now ex) tried to get me to talk about it i couldnt. she said she was worried about me because i wasnt "greaving properly" but i just didnt know how to tell her how i felt when she tried to talk to me about it.
matt x
firstly id like to say sorry for your loss.
my mother passed away just over a year ago, to start with i cried alot but when my then girlfriend (now ex) tried to get me to talk about it i couldnt. she said she was worried about me because i wasnt "greaving properly" but i just didnt know how to tell her how i felt when she tried to talk to me about it.
i agree with that because thats how i was acting i think it was a defence mechanism. i think its just a natual part of grief for some people. i know this probably didnt help or even make sence but just thought it post because i had the same problemI seem to be acting in a cold and hard manner. I don't mean to act like this and didn't even realise I was doing so.I think it's a type of defence mechanism against the grief and pain.
matt x
-
- Power poster
- Posts: 170
- Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2012 10:02 am
Re: Dyspraxia and grief
I tend to cry a lot on the day that the death occured then go back to normal until the funeral which is when I cry through the whole ceremony.
Animal lover forever
Bookworm forever
Live for today
if you have a dream chase it catch it and never let go of it
Bookworm forever
Live for today
if you have a dream chase it catch it and never let go of it
Re: Dyspraxia and grief
I know this post is old but I thought I'd add my thoughts to this topic. My grandmother past away 2 years ago and a few years before that my uncle who's my dad's twin brother passed away at 64. When I heard my uncle died I punched my fist through the wall then cried. Wanted to end my life. Strange I loved my grandmother just as much but didn't even go to her funeral. Don't know but didn't want to see her dead. I worked the day of her funeral on my security guard job. I sing songs I learned in French. I did cry probably a couple weeks. Now my sister has serious medical issues and don't know how I'll react if she were to die from it, maybe attempt suicide or maybe nothing at all or just get drunk until I puke my guts out and pass out. Like I'm getting use to losing close family.
Re: Dyspraxia and grief
I hope your sister is doing better now?
Tom
Moderator/Administrator
With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
Moderator/Administrator
With a foot full of bullets I tried to run faster but I just hobbled on to the next disaster.
(from Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Foot Full of Bullets)
-
- New member - welcome them!
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Mon May 30, 2022 4:54 pm
- Location: Las Vegas, NV
- Contact:
Re: Dyspraxia and grief
Sorry bumping this up because I am currently dealing with a situation
My Brother (my Like fathers son) Passed away in October, and since then I had to basically take my dad who well is "Unique" and only cares about me having a life - but he has his own beliefs I don't want to really bring up because its hard for me to explain in person or online what they are and how they put more and extra stress on me, because he Wants me to act like i did before in 2017-18 before they left me to live on my own. It hard because I just can't say I don't believe what he believes or it upsets him, and hes dealing with the grief his own right
My Brother (my Like fathers son) Passed away in October, and since then I had to basically take my dad who well is "Unique" and only cares about me having a life - but he has his own beliefs I don't want to really bring up because its hard for me to explain in person or online what they are and how they put more and extra stress on me, because he Wants me to act like i did before in 2017-18 before they left me to live on my own. It hard because I just can't say I don't believe what he believes or it upsets him, and hes dealing with the grief his own right
-
- New member - welcome them!
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Wed Jun 15, 2022 12:52 pm
Re: Dyspraxia and grief
I was the same, when my family dog which I grew up with died (sorry to compare I know its not quite the same), i really struggled with the grief i held it in then a sudden outburst when i was drunk. after that i became a quite cold and stubborn person and my mum became really worried for me but i couldn't see it. it took me years to overcome this. i am not sure whether it is a dyspraxic thing or not but I my coping mechanism was definitely similar. if you learn any tips for overcoming grief please let me know!
-
- New member - welcome them!
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Thu Sep 24, 2020 12:11 pm
Re: Dyspraxia and grief
Hello everyone,
I recently lost my remaining grandmother.
The news of serious illness arrived when I was somewhere innapropriate for the mindset of grief.
I find I partition emotion until I am in solitude and can directly ask myself what I feel, and why. I have to dig to understand my feelings of sadness, whereas I can be quick to anger, especially in the context of trivial matters.
Once I know what I feel, I can articulate it in text format. Sometimes writing is the process of making sense of how I feel, and why. Once I have written, the feeling is, while not resolved, accepted, and sent for processing.
I used to worry that I did not have the same extremes of feeling as those around me, as I age I realise that I have to make a little more effort to understand and articulate them in order to accept them, and move on.
Grief is notoriously unpredictable. The current thoughts and feelings about my grandmother are more concerned with other family members that me.
I feel that, if you have a tenancy to bury your feelings until there is a convenient opportunity to examine them, always make sure you can find or create that convient opportunity, or you will deny them until they are overwhelming.
Mental processing of this nature leads me to suspect that I have https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexithymia.
Josh
I recently lost my remaining grandmother.
The news of serious illness arrived when I was somewhere innapropriate for the mindset of grief.
I find I partition emotion until I am in solitude and can directly ask myself what I feel, and why. I have to dig to understand my feelings of sadness, whereas I can be quick to anger, especially in the context of trivial matters.
Once I know what I feel, I can articulate it in text format. Sometimes writing is the process of making sense of how I feel, and why. Once I have written, the feeling is, while not resolved, accepted, and sent for processing.
I used to worry that I did not have the same extremes of feeling as those around me, as I age I realise that I have to make a little more effort to understand and articulate them in order to accept them, and move on.
Grief is notoriously unpredictable. The current thoughts and feelings about my grandmother are more concerned with other family members that me.
I feel that, if you have a tenancy to bury your feelings until there is a convenient opportunity to examine them, always make sure you can find or create that convient opportunity, or you will deny them until they are overwhelming.
Mental processing of this nature leads me to suspect that I have https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexithymia.
Josh
Re: Dyspraxia and grief
Symptoms of dyspraxia can vary between individuals and may change over time. You may find routine tasks difficult.
If you have dyspraxia it may affect:
your co-ordination, balance and movement
how you learn new skills, think, and remember information at work and home
your daily living skills, such as dressing or preparing meals
your ability to write, type, draw and grasp small objects
how you function in social situations
how you deal with your emotions
time management, planning and personal organisation skillsDyspraxia sad dp can have a big effect on your life, but support is available to help you manage your condition.
It might help to talk to others with dyspraxia or to connect with a charity.
You may find these charity and forum links useful:
If you have dyspraxia it may affect:
your co-ordination, balance and movement
how you learn new skills, think, and remember information at work and home
your daily living skills, such as dressing or preparing meals
your ability to write, type, draw and grasp small objects
how you function in social situations
how you deal with your emotions
time management, planning and personal organisation skillsDyspraxia sad dp can have a big effect on your life, but support is available to help you manage your condition.
It might help to talk to others with dyspraxia or to connect with a charity.
You may find these charity and forum links useful: