I am not sure if I am allowed to be on here, as I am not in the "dyspraxic club", but I am the mother of a beautiful, wonderful, 5 year old daughter and I need some help and encouragement. I have been to many forums for the dyspraxic child, but I really would like to hear from those who have made it to the other side.
My daughter is 5, and is only now making sentences, etc and her speech is a little unclear still. I would say she has 3 year old speech. Her motor skills are not great, but I do not think that it is bad as some. I think her verbal is the big thing.....She doesn't have any sensory issues, or other problems that we know of.
She is smart, beautiful, surprisingly outgoing and sociable (although I understand that this may change). She is seeing Speech and OT weekly and I have held her back a year from school. We are also doing gymnastics to help with the motor issues.
What I want to know...(HONESTY please)...how will school be for her? She is smart, but I really worry about her making friends when she starts to fall behind. Being a girl, she can't do dance moves, etc......
Did anyone else have bad speech...and how is it now? Do you speak ok?
I lay awake at night worrying about my beautiful little girl and am crying writing this down.....if you guys have any tips on how to make living with dyspraxia any easier I would really appreciate it.
I only joined this forum yesterday and I've already read comments from people with vastly different experiences of dyspraxia.
Reading your post brought a smile to my lips, though. It could have been written by my own mother 25 years ago when I was your daughter's age.
I don't think the doctors ever diagnosed my dyspraxia (I've only come to identify it myself in recent years), but when I was small my mother was told I'd "never be able to catch a ball, run, or walk properly". Luckily for me, my mother didn't take too much notice of what the doctors said - I think it made her more determined to let me experience everything that other children did. Admittedly, I was pretty slow when it came to running. I remember a sponsored run I took part in with my sister and friends to raise money for the RSPCA - when everyone else was on their umpteenth lap, I was still on my first! There's a photo I've got somewhere where you can see me plodding along behind the others with a smile on my face. It was often very frustrating being slow and not being able to do things the other girls could in gymnastics (I never managed a handstand or cartwheel and my forward rolls were never straight!), but my mum encouraged me to take part all the same and I'm sure that helped. I even ended up on the netball team, as terrible as we were! And I can certainly catch a glass of wine or biscuit if it's in danger of falling on the floor!
As for speaking...
I started school at the age of 4 and at the end of that first year, the teacher told my mum "she's a lovely girl but I haven't understood a word she's said this whole time". Apparently my mum could barely understand me either, my dad not at all, and my sister (two years older than me) often found herself interpreting my words for others. I was blissfully unaware of all this! I saw a speech therapist and remember thinking she was a bit stupid bacause she kep asking me to name the same animal over and over again. It seemed to work, though. I'm not sure at what age my speech became intelligible, but I certainly don't have any problems now. I ended up studying languages and speak a number to varying degrees (I'm fluent in Spanish and have been told I sound like a native). I often wonder if my frustration at not being understood when I was small gave me a heightened desire to be able to communicate. At first I found it very difficult to understand what others were saying in Spanish and French, but everything seemed to click into place suddenly in my late teens. Practice, maybe.
I do still get very frustrated and even angry when people don't understand me or hear what I've said. I'm aware sometimes of slurring my words or getting them in the wrong order. Sometimes it's funny but after the second or third "pardon?", I tend to get really angry with myself and the other person.
What else can I tell you? I was always fairly social, although this might have been largely because my older sister and I had the same friends so it wasn't up to me to start up friendships. I was ok at school, though, and never remember being unhappy around other children.
I'm not sure if my mum's attitude to my dyspraxia was the right one, but it certainly didn't do me any harm. Maybe I would have been ok anyway - it's impossible to know. There wasn't really any help or support for dyspraxic children back then, except for the speech therapy.
I think the main thing is to be understanding when your daughter gets unduly stressed and frustrated, to encourage her to give her opinion but avoid asking her to repeat what she's said in a way that lets her know she hasn't been understood. Give her her space when she starts to get flustered. Encourage her to participate. There are many things I wasn't supposed to be able to do that I can. That's not to say everyone's the same, but I wonder if I might have given up trying if I'd even sensed from my mum that she thought I wouldn't be capable.
If she hasn't already, I'm sure your daughter will develop odd little routines and habits. I dn't know if it's an effect of my natural lack of balance, but I have something of an obsession with things being equal. If I had to bend down when I was little to pick something up, I'd then have to bend down with my other arm just afterwards to "even it up". If touched unexpected by something cold, I'd have to touch myself with that same object on the opposite arm/leg etc. I still do that now. Just last might my partner threw the remote control to me and it landed on my right arm. I threw it down as I couldn't stand the feeling on my arm then had to pick it back up to place it on my left arm in the same place. Weird. It doesn't sound like your daughter displays such traits but she may well develop a few of her own in the future! I guess it's hard because you don't want to encourage her to do these things, but you'll probably need to humour her!
Anyway, sorry this has ended up a bit longer than planned. I hope some of what I've said helps. However challenging things may seems now, there's no reason your daughter won't grow into a perfectly normal and capable young lady, who's confident in her own abilities and comfortable around others.
Oh god, thank you so much for your e-mail. I was in complete tears reading this e-mail.
At this stage, I am concerned my daughter won't be able to write her name! But to see your beautiful words just made me so happy, yet so sad at the same time.
Every day is a constant struggle. I wish I could talk for her, or do the somersault at gymnastics for her.
Okay, maybe I know she won't be a brain surgeon....but she can be ANYTHING and I have to keep reminding herself and me of that. I think another problem is her lack of language often gives other people the opinion that she is not smart and I have to start my huge rant of "she has been assessed many times and SHE IS smart!!".
I just hope, like you said lots and lots of practise and her speech will catch up.
If you ever need to get in touch, please feel free to contact me via this forum.
I'd just like to add that whatever odd little routines I may have developed over the years to cope with my dyspraxia, none of them are noticeable to others as anything more than just quirky little habits. I'm pretty sure none of my work colleagues would guess I'm dyspraxic and whenever I discuss my childhood with friends, they take it as an interesting story about difficulties that are well and truly in my past. If your daughter is as stubborn as I was, she'll get to wherever she wants to be eventually. After reports at school that read "slow but methodical" and such things, I graduated with a first class joint honours degree 8 years ago, so just remember anything's possible...
Just one other thing concerning your worries over your daughter starting school: when my mum took me to nursery at the age of 3, I really didn't want to be there. Apparently I just sat in the corner on my own and wouldn't mix with the other children. Despite the nursery nurse's insistence that I should be made to go, my mum refused to make me go when it clearly made me unhappy, so I stayed at home with her. When I was four and it was time for me to start school (we started a year early in Gloucestershire for some reason), my mum was really worried (like you) that I wouldn't want to go, that I'd cry and be really unhappy. Apparently, though, when she took me to the gate, I ran off ahead and didn't look back! Boy, was that a surprise! I have very happy memories of my early school days and I'm sure your daughter will have just as many of her own!
Natty, you're email was so touching and Calitxu, you're an inspiration.
My experience of dyspraxia in school was strange. I was diagnosed at a really early age (around five or six) because my mum noticed that I was having problems walking and my motor skills weren't developing as well as they should. My speech was never really a problem, but I sometimes do have problems getting sentences out, because I get very confused about the sequence my words should go in.
I've found that it's not so much my social skills that are affected by Dyspraxia as much as my confidence. At school, my teacher's knew that I had this disability without understanding what it was. I was called lazy and slow, even though I was at the top of my class at reading. It took me a long time before my handwriting was up to speed, and even know I tend to write slowly, but I have been complimented by lots of people for having very neat handwriting. Not bad for a girl who didn't know how to hold a pencil properly until she was ten! Because I didn't really understand my Dyspraxia either, I felt clumsy and lacked confidence in a lot of areas. The thing about having any kind of illness of disability is that you just don't feel normal, and it's that as much as anything that affects the social skills of people with dyspraxia. I'm a hugely social person, I have lots of good friends and I have a very active social life. Growing up, I've learnt that rather having a big group of people to hang around with, it's much better to have a couple of close friends to count on. I'd be completely lost without my best friend, when I'm depressed or anxious and don't understand what's going on around me, she reminds me that I have a very subjective view and people don't view me as I necessarily view myself.
Keep encouraging your daughter as she gets older and constantly remind her that she can do anything she wants. Dyspraxia affects people in lots of different ways. My motor skills were terrible when I was younger, but they have greatly improved the older I've got. As for dancing, encourage her to do it anyway. I love dancing, and although I have an okay sense of rythm and timing, I'm a completely ridiculous dancer, but it's a great conversation starter! My problems relating to dyspraxia now are much more to do with organisation and processing information.
Thank you so much guys. My daughter is very confident, and quite sociable and loves school. I would love nothing more to keep this up when she gets to "big school" so we are working, working, working every day. I tell her how clever she is, and how she can always do it, but she just has to try a little harder to get there. She is smart enough to understand already...
I guess we are lucky she is born "now" there is a lot more understanding out there and I guess it is my job to ensure her teachers know exactly to treat her like the smart little girl she is.
A lot of the problem is with me. I know I shouldn't...but I get frustrated and want to say "just talk damn it". But that is my issue and not hers.
Thanks again both of your words of encouragement. As stupid as it sounds, because there are no "crystal balls" just seeing the two of you write a sentence down that makes sense makes me feel a little better.
Hy I am new to the forums and read your post with interest.I also have a daughter with dyspraxia,she is twelve now.She also has a.s.d,and other problems.I think the most important thing is not to beat yourself up about it.You are only human after all,and we all make mistakes.I should know,Ive made enough of them.You are doing the best for your daughter by encouraging her self belief and confidence,as this goes a long way with her being able to learn/cope with lifes difficulties.The main thing is,she will learn,even though this may not be at the same time as her peers,and she will find a lot of coping stratergies along the way,so bear in mind,you are doing everything you can for her and just dont put too much pressure on yourself or her.Im not saying it will be easy for you or her,but you will get through it and things will become easier.I am pretty sure now that I also have dyspraxia and just want to point out that one of the hardest things in my life has been not knowing,you know your daughter has Dyspraxia and this makes a huge difference,as she will know that she has it when she is a bit older and and not put it down to her lack of understanding.I grew up just thinking I was stupid,as a lot of children with similar problems did then.Ive found that if you can instill in her that she has dyspraxia and that is why she finds certain things difficult and not because she is stupid,and encourage her to try everything,building her self confidence,telling her how clever she is etc that will make a huge difference to her.Im only now starting to realise that I wasted half my life not doing things because I thought I would fail and after realising that it is more than likely a result of having dyspraxia,I decided I was going to do things inspite of my dyspraxia and am now training to be a holistic therapist.Im sure your daughter will find her way too with your support.Have faith in her and know that she can lead a good and productive life.Stubborness can be an asset!Hope this helps
I think the most important thing i to make sure she gets lots of support in school. Make sure her teachers know not just that she has dyspraxia, but what that actually means.
Hi guys