Help/Advice required for worried parent

[kook]

Hi, new to the forum, so firstly - Hello!

My son, who is nearly 17, was diagnosed with dyspraxia at the age of 6. During his years at primary/junior school he was closely watched and received a fair bit of help. He has also received occupational therapy from our local health authority.

I believe that his dyspraxia is relatively mild and mainly manifests itself in poor hand writing and lack of sports finesse, eg he cannot ride a bike.

He passed his 11+ and then went onto grammar school. Since being at the grammar school very little has been made of his dypraxia and he has done really well with his GCSE (11 in all, with 8 being A or A*). He started year 12 in September and is studying for 5 A levels.

The problem that we are now getting is his general state of mind. He does not socialise with other teenagers, rarely goes out (except for a regular walk through the High Street) on a Saturday. He doesn't have any out of school interests. He has always been a little solitary and rather shy.

We are now experiencing our second bought of what I think is depression. He will not leave his bedroom (has infact barricaded the door!) and will not talk about what is bothering him. He merely lashes out at me, his Mum and seems to blame me for all his troubles saying that he wants to leave home. The first episode on these lines was last June following an aborted attempt at a week's work experience. This episode has followed a short school trip to Berlin.

I have been reading a little about Aspergers Syndrome and he does seem to have some of the symptoms of this and I have heard that the two conditions can be related. I wondered if anyone here can shed some light.

I do, unfortunately, have experience of depression, having been treated for it myself about 3 years ago. I was really rather ill and worry desperatly that my son may act in some way similar to the way I did.

Any comments would be very appreciated and apologies that this is so long a post.

Thanks

[Pooky]

The problem that we are now getting is his general state of mind. He does not socialise with other teenagers, rarely goes out (except for a regular walk through the High Street) on a Saturday. He doesn't have any out of school interests. He has always been a little solitary and rather shy.

None at all? What does he like doing, could try getting him involved in a club or something?

[sheppeyescapee]

There are a lot of people out there that have Dyspraxia + something else, like ADD, AS, Dyslexia and such. Personally I was diagnosed with dyspraxia in 07 and aspergers in 08 What kind of things is your son interested in? When I was the same age I went through periods where I wouldn't leave my room for weeks on end, only for food and baths.

[Creative]

I had my first attack of depression after a schoool trip when I was 12. I felt different from my peers and couldn't understand why I couldn't do the practical tasks they did so easily. Maybe your son would benfit from counselling or mentoring or something like that.

I'm 24 and only have one friend my age. I get on better with older people.

I hope your son feels happier soon. Maybe you can persuade him to join the forum?

[kook]

Hi

Thanks for your comments. I will try to answer these one at a time.

He doesn't seem to have any interests outside of school, other than listening to music and playing his playstation/xbox. I have tried to get him to join clubs etc. but he refuses. I think this has something to do with his confidence as he worries about meeting people and doing new things. Unfortunately, most of the clubs at school are sports orientated and he won't even try these.

Sorry to hear that you have suffered from depression at such an early age Creative. I would love my son to get some councilling, but as he is over 16 he has to ask for this himself apparently. I cannot force it on him or arrange it for him.

Hi Sheppeyexcapee. As I have said his only interests seem to be those that he can do in his room or online. Unfortunately, at the moment he won't even leave his room for food unless everyone else is out of the house. Last night, I cooked him dinner, asked him if he wanted it (through a shut door) and was told "I'm not hungry".

Hubby & I are off to parents evening at his school this afternoon. I have spoken with the 6th Form Head Teacher this morning who was very surprised to hear of his problem as, apparently, he was cheerful during the school trip last week and doing very well in his classes. We will be able to discuss this with his school later.

I am wondering if he has a big problem with self-esteem. After all, if you don't like yourself, it is very difficult to believe that others like you.

I may suggest he has a look at this forum and also some other sites that I have found useful information on.

Thanks again for your replies.


P.S. On a light note - where I come from a "Sheppey Excapee" would be congratulated!!!

[quirkygirl]

Hi there,

Could your son just be at an "awkward age"? Teenagers can seem to have "angst" for no apparent reason. The fact that he doesn`t seem to want to talk to you and was not eating the dinner you made him sounds pretty typical for his age. Sounds like me at 17!

However,it does seem that he is not happy about something. It`s good that you have told him about this website, at least if he`s on his computer a lot he may be able to check it out. My ex-boyfriend was told that he has Aspergers,but it was later revealed that it was actually verbal dyspraxia. It`s difficult to tell if there is another problem rather than the dyspraxia, but you didn`t specify what type of dyspraxia you`re son has. I believe different types of dypraxia come with slightly different sets of problems. Have you checked out the Dyspraxia Foundation website? In case you haven`t already, I think you should as,it will give you a better overview of dyspraxia and the challenges it brings. I hope this has helped somewhat.

Good Luck anyway,
Mareka

[kook]

Hi Quirkygirl. Thanks for your reply.

I do wonder if I am making too much out of things and whether it is just his age. I keep trying to remind myself what I was like at that age. By his age I had dropped out of school, left home & wasn't talking to my parents! I know teenagers can be a right handful! Having a bit of trouble thinking back that far .... old age!

He does not suffer with verbal dyspraxia. Indeed, when in familiar surroundings, he doesn't shut up. When he was diagnosed we were simply informed he had dyspraxia and it was never catagorised. As I think I have said, he is lucky that he does not have too much problem and only seems to have it mildly. So much so that we have pretty much ignored it over the past few years as it does not seem to be holding him back. Other than trouble with his handwriting, the fact he's never been able to ride a bike and that he can spill any drink he trys to make, his life has seemed to be pretty untroubled by his symptoms.

He has told me that what he feels (and has been feeling for about a year) is more than "sadness", but this is about as much information as I can get out of him.

Had parents evening at his school yesterday and teachers were all surprised to hear of problems as he is doing extremely well in lessons and seems to integrate well with others.

I did used to be a member of the Dyspraxia Foundation and have looked at their site. Hopefully he will look at info online.

I know some of my worries are from within myself. I am the type of person who always sees the worst and I have to try very hard to be positive. At least he came out of his room long enough to eat yesterday and I think I have got him to agree to going back into school next Monday. Here's hoping!

Thanks again

[Cheetarah]

I had my first attack of depression after a schoool trip when I was 12. I felt different from my peers and couldn't understand why I couldn't do the practical tasks they did so easily. Maybe your son would benfit from counselling or mentoring or something like that.

I'm 24 and only have one friend my age. I get on better with older people.

I hope your son feels happier soon. Maybe you can persuade him to join the forum?

Hi Kook, I just wanted to ask if he seems to want to have more friends. When I was his age I became very depressed because I was lonely and often took it out on my parents. I spent an awful lot of time in my room too but soon went on a mission to meet new people and socialise. As soon as I had lots of friends my own age I was happy. I think when social and academic and practical skills come with added challenges it takes a lot of work to tackle all of them. Because your son is in an competitive academic environment with high standards perhaps he finds he needs to concentrate on school work at the expence of other aspects of life.

[david456]

From personal experience, I can really relate to some of the topics mentioend on this thread. Kook I really understand your first message. It sounds similar to how I could be talked about sometimes.

I am very shy and found making friends very difficult. I still find meeting new people very tough indeed, however, being a teenager certainly made things I bit tougher.

I think the key is not to put him in situations he would feel uncomfortable in. Does he enjoy football? Maybe take him to a match or go to the pub and have a few soft drinks. If you can get him places where he has an interest, but without him feeling you are pressuring him to be there, that may help.

Get him tickets to see a band he likes. That way he can invite someone he knows. I appreciate my own space, but I do like to see friends now and again, but I don't like the hustle and noise of a club very much. I do an awful lot of walking on my own and visit places on my own.

I had depressive spells last year as my confidence reached a low point. I think I'm out the other side of that now though. I wanted to leave home a few times. It is all very much a feeling of not being understood. (no one knows what I am going through). Really we do as we've all been there, but not it how it feels.

Hope this may be of help to you.

[krackerz1590]

i like your son had OT for my dyspraxia in juniors school i can personally relate to your sons experiences as i didn't go out much socialise only if made too felt like being 'pushed forced' out the door literally i so wanted friends craved them for so long yet din't understand my peers about 'anything' they talked about or liked nothing i so lost and and confused he sounds so like me in so many ways i think you should approach your GP over the AS signs you think your son fits into and write down make a list and then go from there i'd get in touch with NAS and dyspraxia foundation tooo ask there advice on your personal situation

he could have MH related problems such as depression ,anxiety or social anxiety disorder??? has this been looked into ? he needs see a clinical pyschologist /pyschtrist??