Abuse

[mr_mallow]

Wasn't sure where to post this, but I felt I should bring up this topic.

Do you ever get actual abuse from people because of the Dyspraxia?

For me, over the past year since I was diagnosed, I've found most people to be understanding. But there is a percentage of people, more than just a couple, that have really laid into me because of it. I've had people say it doesn't exist, that i'm "too smart" to have it - one time someone even said"your too good at computers for you to have dyspraxia".

I just wondered if anyone else also got the same type of treatment from people? And when they did, how did they deal with it?

Having not honestly come to terms with the dyspraxia just yet, I've gotta say, it really annoys me. I can't understand how someone can be so very... "if i can't see it it doesn't exist" type of twat-ish.

Am I alone in this?

[david456]

Denial, I've come up against that, but when I was younger. That was from a teacher, the problem I have experienced is teachers being told of Dyspraxia, but it going through one ear and straight out of the other.

I have to say though, that i have had some really good teachers including one, who studied the condition in their spare time to better understand me.

[arthmelow]

Mostly stuff as a kid... My mother didn't seem to realise that just because I came home with As and Bs ( at least until about 15 ) didn't mean that I was going to find everything else in life easy ie things that involved coordination.

It was the social aspect that shunted me out at school: The group of "smart" people didn't want me in their group and everyone else saw me as "smart" and therefore didn't quite get that I found loads of social stuff incredibly difficult.

Thing is tho, everything I had probably could have been a lot better with an earlier diagnosis. At the time I just thought it was me and there wasn't much I could do about it.

I look after a set of kids and her mother shouts at them all the time for things
that, if they were dyspraxic, they would do all the damn time ( forgetting things, dropping things, being messy with food ). The eldest, now 15, is
a gibbering wreak of "eager to pleaseness" and she's terrified of getting
anything wrong so she never tries to extend her mental limits with anything like schoolwork with fear that she's going to get it wrong.
Plus, so much judgementalness! If you spill your food the generic
term of insult is "tramp". Its like this family are scared of being seen
as poor or something. The eldest boy, who is now 14ish, was forced
to do everything with his right hand as a kid even tho he is
left handed, including writing. This now means you have a terribly
bright kid who doesn't hold a pen properely and has terrible handwriting,
and every time his handwriting slips, he is told to re-do the entire
piece and shouted at, being told that he's lazy. Plus when the mum
watches kids with ADHD on tv, she just looks and points and says
"isn't s/he naughty? I'd like to get hold of *his*/*her* parents!"


The only time that my parents heavily misunderstood was when I got
my A level results through and despite working, I didn't get
the grades I needed. They didn't seem to understand that at
GCSE I didn't need to multitask because the info was
general knowledge for me so I could write quickly, but at
A level I had to think and write which slows me down
immensely. So I was shouted at and told to resit... at college.
This meant I got my first diagnosis and so I'm actually
indirectly glad that my parents did shout and make me resit,
because otherwise I would have never had been diagnosed.

My bro had always been statemented so this led to more
confusion from my parents... "but you're not like him? How
can you be special needs?" At which point I don't even want
to start on the aspergers and dyspraxia symptoms, so I give
up.

[towildhoney]

mmm this is a difficult one, I have encountered cinism (I can't spell this) about the existence of dyspraxia I would say it is rarely worth arguing with such people as they are as a whole set in thee ways/ ignorant and will not take in something they don't want to here.

[Ruth]

You are not alone in this . I'm not sure I'd call what I've experienced abuse but I certainly get disbalief.

What's that? That's not real! There can't be anything wrong with you you're clever. It's a good job they've invented that one 'ay? I forget things too does that mean I'm dys-whatever?

I'm still coming to terms with it myself and I'm not in a very strong position to defend it. I find it such a hard thing to describe and explain. Everyone forgets , drops, looses things....so why do I warrant extra help when I already get good grades?when people are so dismissive it hurts like hell and/or irritates the crap out of me.


Before my diagnosis I was guilty of thinking that there were so many new syndromes that they couldn't be taken seriously, you know weird things no-one has ever heard of. I mean if it's important then surely we'll already know about it. And then I find I have one! Imagine my surprise. Obviously I do now appreciate how wrong I was.
There's no denying that my life would have been much easier if we had known- but it wasn't recognised as a condition so long ago....

As for how I deal with it I don't! I come home and cry to my husband and drink wine and get angry and think of all the things I could've or should've said to make them see. Very grown up of me I know!

It's good to share these things and very good to not feel alone.

[Tortoise]

I can't understand how someone can be so very... "if i can't see it it doesn't exist" type of twat-ish.

I can’t understand it either - it’s such a discriminatory attitude. Maybe turn off the lights and ask them if they still exist! Yeah ha ha.

invisible disabilities don’t count in the minds of ignorant, narrow minded people. (Sometimes visible disabilities don’t count in the minds of these people either!!).

I guess that there are some wonderful people out there who do understand and the people who don’t wish to understand are just not worth convincing. Unfortunately some people in this category are the ones you actually need to get special provisions from and then you are really in a difficult situation. (yep, believe me - really really difficult). I had to get people to advocate on my behalf because it was too difficult for me to handle on my own.

Anyway, great topic to bring up. I wish I had better self-advocacy skills - they label you with this and that, give you this therapy and that therapy, but no-one teachers you how to fight up for your rights. I think that’s the most important skill of all.


Maybe you don’t even have to mention dyspraxia??, just use really big words and make it sound really official like “I was born with a *neurological* developmental disorder that *impairs* motor ability and _______ and ____ and ______…”. (fill in the blanks). That should scare em!!

[nick]

at the momment i'm really new to the idea of having a specific learning difficulty and still find it really hard to validate that fact to myself. it's like i want ot mention how i think that dyspraxia effects me to my friends but lack the confidence to do it. i feel as if i'm making excuses for myself, beating myself up and thinking that i have to overcome something to be a worthwile person, is a hard habit to break. i think that, thats where this forum helps. like minded people sharing a common attribute.

[Ruth]

Yup. I've known for a year and a month now and I'm still trying to come to terms with it. I suspect I may be entering the angry phase now! When I plucked up the courage to tell my mates I thought it would be this huge thing but they were interested for a bit and then forgot. They like me and that's all! They were really cooll and I like being special!

And we are like minded!! We're all wired up a bit differently.

[mr_mallow]

Thing is tho, everything I had probably could have been a lot better with an earlier diagnosis.

Yup, same here. Thats the thing, like with nick in the above post, i'm still getting used to the idea of having dyspraxia rather than just "not being able" to do certain things, and as I only got diagnosed a year ago at 18 I do feel the need to talk to people about it. Its like anything, talking to others helps you make sense of it more yourself.

I just wish I didn't get so much crap from people!

[fuzzy]

Hmmm see i find this a difficult topic to answer to, seeing how i was absolutley convinced that I was dyspraxic before my appointment with an ed physc, then told at the results that I didnt have it........... so i dont really know wheter I should be answering to this thread or not becasue, although Iv been told i am NOT dyspraxic, I think that i have a lot of the difficulties and therefore have a mild case. The guy diagnosed me with dysgraphia instead, which would account for the poor handwriting, but not the clumsiness, the not-thinking-before-I-speak (thus things sometimes coming out horribely wrong) and terrible memory.

When I was postive that i had it, i would tell ppl (mates/ family)- i could identify with so many of the symptoms, and besides, Id only heard about it through a learning support teacher at my school who thought that i had it; it wasnt like I just went searching on the net to label myself with something. But when I did tell ppl, my mum/ sis could sometimes be very insensitive- 'everyone has a bad memory' etc; very much the same as what you said, Ruth. Anyway soz for going off on a tangent!

[nick]

i dont know if it my place to say this, but i think that you have every right to answer this thread. when i got diagnosed as dysphraxic, my mentor who also works for the specific learning difficulty unit at my uni and had done the original screening, was surprised that i was not diagnosed dyslexic as well. she said that it was hard to diagnos with such accurqacy and that dyspraxia was usually diagnosed with dyslexia. in other words, their is so much overlap with all these different conditions, that one, might as well be, the other. any way what the hell do i know.

[fuzzy]

Thnaks for that NIck; its a fair point! Your right; many conditions do overlap and it can be easy to be misdiagnosed i guess........

Ta

[Tortoise]

Hey Fuzzy - you know yourself better than any old "ed psych"!! seriously - they prob have no idea themselves what it means... But i know it must be still frustrating for you not to have it officially recognised (but maybe one day). I think its more well known in England... anyone else notice this??? Anyway, like you I have a different "label"... i think we should be called Honorary Dyspraxics - whatya think??? so your now an Honorary Dyspraxic Dysgraphic (HDD) I like!!

[SomeT]

Lol, I fount it funny read I read this post not literally funny but due to that fact I am really good at computers and people rarely believe I have it most of the time, its frustrating as well cus I dont want a career in computers even though its the only thing i'm good at I just want a career thats challenging and not boring, sorry to go a little off topic.

[fuzzy]

HAHAHAHA Tortiose; excellent idea, i like!!!! btw tho- SCOTLAND/ UNITED KINGDOM!!! I hate it when ppl refer to the UK as England!! I'll let you off tho, seeing as you live on the other side of the world and all!

SomeT, thats not irrelevant to say at all- this forum is designed for us all to express our feelings and talk about our aspirations!