Tips for trying to help someone understand dyspraxia?

[kidk989]

I'm in the tail end of a relationship that I really want to save. I love my boyfriend dearly, and we have amazing times together. Every tiny thing about him is beautiful...except, he is very impatient sometimes. It has been getting a lot worse lately too.

I know I'm a nightmare to deal with. I mess up everything I do it seems, even when I'm trying really hard. I'll spill something (sometimes not being aware of it), break things, mishear things, speak too loud or too quietly (or put too much emphasis or too little on emotion, which he has told me sounds fake), act impulsively and rather stupidly, I lack judgement, and sometimes forget entirely to judge things at all, and I move too fast out of habit and can't seem to fix it. On top of this I seemingly can't remember simple things all the time, and my boyfriend keeps telling me lately he has to do 'all' my thinking for me. I know this isn't true, and if I say it's dyspraxia and an invisible effort for me to do all these things, and when I'm exhausted more things go wrong, he says I don't care about him and I don't know exhaustion unless I'm him dealing with me:(. I know I've learnt some habits which are selfish and lazy (I know I've slipped into them after burnout just because I want some attention), but I've done my very best to eliminate these cold turkey, and I know I am doing. He'll now say the dyspraxia on top of that makes it all part and parcel of being a nasty person...and that although I have nice things about my personality, he's doubting their authenticity.

This is the third time this week he's decided not to talk to me, and this time he says its for good. He said me ranting on about dyspraxia when he asks why I do things is being an emotional vampire, but it's me trying to get him to understand how serious it is. He replies saying I should go into care because no one is this thick, and he's known people with dyspraxia and they can do things, but I know their diagnosis isn't severe like mine...when I thought he'd cooled off a little I tried to hug him and he pushed me off, which isn't good. He just says he wants to die and I make him sick. He then tells me because I don't apologize for making his life a living hell I am psychotic. But I can only apologize when he sees that my acts aren't intentional.

I don't know what to do. He does everything for me, and by everything I mean everything, so he isn't a villain. He's still doing things while hating me. Still, I don't just love him because he does things for me, and I worry that he thinks that. I get that I have some attachment issues and I can be dependent, but I'm trying not to be. With the dyspraxia things though, I've pushed him this far by not being good at things, and when I try to do them differently it still goes wrong to the point where he doesn't let me touch anything of his, and now will even get angry when I do that and keep out of his way... He keeps telling me to change and do things differently, after a long time saying I'm disabled he understands. But I've been trying different tactics in the last month after realizing how angry it makes him, like keeping lists to remember things I'd forget, and writing instructions down before I do anything, but because I learn slowly and it can still sometimes be there, he seems to think this is me not trying, and therefore not caring about him.

Is there any way I get through, and is there any way I can convince him to let me do anything at all? I don't want him to have this load on him, even if he continues saying he's broken up with me, but I don't want to mess everything up either. He says often the idea of explaining how to do things or supervise me just makes him angrier so its better if I stay out of the way.

[Tom fod]

I'm concerned you are clearly trapped in a coercive and abusive relationship with this 'man' (I hesitate to use that term).

Please get help and support. He needs to accept you and your dyspraxia.

Believing that you/your condition are the main/only problem(s) is deeply concerning.

[Tom fod]

Another way to look at would be what would you say to a friend or family member if they told you they were in this situation with their partner?

Unfortunately you will encounter people who will not listen and who can only see explanations as excuses.

[henryreid721]

thanks for sharing..!